The Final Bouncer. Couldn’t duck.
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The Final Bouncer. Couldn’t duck.

Almost everyone I know – is shocked at the sudden end of a promising young life today. I myself am a huge fan of Sushant Singh Rajput and have seen suicide very closely in my own personal life. That makes me deeply affected with what happened today. Everytime I see a young person committing suicide, who is not sick or struggling with some other known dilemma – it takes me back to my experience with a close family member doing it. It is very difficult to digest such actions. People keep wondering the “why”. I am sure Sushant’s dad is wondering too. Whether we hear the details of it or not – each suicide is a story of personal tragedy.

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A quick look at Sushant’s life – would make one look at these highlights:

-7th rank in DCE in 2003

-Bachelor of Engineering

-National Olympiad Winner, Physics

-Best Male Debut Nominated - Kai Po chhe

-Best Actor Nominated - #MSDhoni

And one may wonder – what more does one need to be happy with life. But there are mentions that he was probably struggling with depression. Which wasn’t taken seriously in time.

As I was wondering about the death of a celebrity star – I actually looked up how a big star (heavenly body in universe) dies. While it may be a far-fetched thought, I saw some comparison that felt like a compelling line of thought worth discussion.

In a very simple language – a quick explanation, keeping the complicated details out – The way a star dies depends on its mass. When a star of mass like the Sun has burned all of its hydrogen fuel, it expands to become a red giant. This may be millions of kilometres across - big enough to swallow the planets Mercury and Venus. After puffing off its outer layers, the star collapses to form a very dense white dwarf. The white dwarfs turn into black dwarfs. That’s one kind of end. A star with more mass will expand and form a Red Supergiant, when their hydrogen is completely burnt out. While most stars quietly fade away, the supergiants destroy themselves in a huge explosion, called a supernova. The gravitational collapse of a star is a natural process that can produce a black hole. It is inevitable at the end of the life of a large star, when all stellar energy sources are exhausted. Gravitational field of the incredibly dense black hole is so strong that even the light cannot escape.

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I am not quite sure if the Stars follow a domestic way of life like we humans do. Once they set out on their journey of burning out and dying, there is no one around to recharge them. We as humans are blessed to follow community living. It is supposed to be our safety net. Is it truly one?

When someone around us is undergoing a burn out, can you spot them when their core is contracting but the superficial layer is expanding? Have they stopped sharing their true inner thoughts and are just being social with the whole world. If someone doesn’t know your core, they probably cannot spot when it started contracting. But if one knows your core, they might be able to spot minute changes if they look close enough. Depression much like beauty is skin deep and in some sense also lies in the eyes of the beholder. What I mean is – only someone with real intent and willingness to put in effort can be of help. Because those who are truly depressed are Oscar level actors – if you don’t know their core, you won’t be able to spot how much they are acting of being just ok or maybe super happy. Those who are undergoing burnout are susceptible to fall into depression. Whatever be the intensity of depression, the ones who are depressed are struggling and trying their best, and sometimes they win. But most times they need some compassion, a heart to heart connection, someone who cares, understands and can absorb their outbursts and negative thoughts for a while and help them reach positivity.

If you are part of someone’s life, I would highly recommend you to be more participating in their lives. Be smart enough to draw the lines between intruding and caring.

Dr. Soumitra Pathare has a quick insightful thread on myths and facts around suicide & how you can can save lives. https://twitter.com/netshrink/status/1145188145605951488?s=19

Communities have a role to play in the quality of life of individuals. Each one needs to step up and look for ways they can offer support to people in their immediate circle. In this particular case, Entertainment fraternity should have stepped up to support each other. By nature of their industry and the work they are into, celebrities face tremendous pressure of posing a strong and happy life in public. There is a tough competition, tons of distrust, lack of confiders in Movie industry. Despite being a human, they may find it difficult to connect with just a random fan or someone they barely know. But they connect well with those who give them work and the veterans. Folks like Karan Johar, Shahrukh Khan, Shabana Azmi, Alia Bhatt – who show signs of being genuinely caring humans, need to step up for their fraternity and build a community that cares. Get some buddy system in place, divide responsibilities of getting in touch with the members – specially single people, or folks facing recent box office failure. Maybe start virtual projects and engage the community. I am sure today Karan Johar and others like him in the community will have many sleepless nights, almost feeling guilty of not being there when Sushant needed. I truly hope Sushant wasn't a targeted victim under the infamous Bollywood Nepotism. In either case a thorough investigation must be done to bring out the reasons of his depression - firstly, it will help his family get an answer, secondly if there are bullies and villains in the story, they should be exposed to the world.

Any kind of high pressure work, e.g : police officials, doctors, army men, healthcare workers etc need to have the genuine fraternity support – from people who understand their job.

Depression is real and we can’t ignore it. Seeking professional help could really be useful. Let’s be open about this disease.

A college friend of mine – Priyank Sharma – once said – there are hundreds of Mercedes on the streets, but the one that you are driving, becomes special for your dad. Today – I am thinking a lot about this sentence. I know this is exactly true for my life. Dad here could be symbolic, but we all need someone who would truly be happy in our success and someone we can confide into – our worst fears and not so positive emotions we feel. Find one and be one.

Appendix - Some important metrics :

·        Globally, one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds, as per WHO.

·        According to WHO data, the age standardized suicide rate in India is 16.4 per 100,000 for women (6th highest in the world) and 25.8 for men (ranking 22nd).

·        A group of researchers comprising of public interest technologist Thejesh GN, activist Kanika Sharma and assistant professor of legal practice at Jindal Global School of Law Aman, said 338 deaths have occurred from March 19 till May 2 and they are related to lockdown. Of which, 80 people killed themselves due to loneliness and fear of being tested positive for the virus. The suicides are followed by migrants dying in accidents on their way back home (51).

·        India witnessed 1.34 lakh suicides in 2018 compared to 1.29 lakh in 2017, 1.31 lakh in 2016 and 1.33 lakh in 2015, according to Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India 2018, released by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB).

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#SushantSinghRajput #Depression #MentalHealth #CommunitySupport #Bollywood #VirtualProjects #COVID #Isolation #Suicides



Excellent article, insightful.

Shikha Parmar

Principal Associate | Indirect Tax | J. Sagar Associates

4 年

While I agree with the concept of community living, but I believe that majority of the community members live with their best face before the community. We are grown up with surviving peer pressure at all ages of our lives. We keep our emotions and hardness within ourselves as we seldom find the right person from the community who understands the emotions well. Lucky are those who live in a community as embracing as one's own family.

Ashok Thiruvengadam

Architect HyBIST. CEO STAG. Co-Founder Pivotrics.

4 年

A very interesting comparison to a real star. Like the analogy of core shrinking and just the outer expanding. Great read. True darkness is hard, it needs a torch from others to expel it.

Ravi Raman

Freelance Professional Soft Skills Trainer & Life Skills Coach for Corporates Pan India & Marketing/Selling for Banking

4 年

Smita Nature always offers everything in Abundance God's blessings are always Infinite There is absolutely No dearth in the Supply (care n support) and available in gallons But iwhen the Demand (for care and support) is in tea spoons All noble thoughts remain just noble And unsolicited Care and Support becomes an Irritation As Unless I Love and Respect myself Enough I cannot Love others EVER

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