Filling the Void
I recently lost a friend because of an addition and to honor his death I wanted to share some insights from addictions that could help us to become more aware of these issues and choose better.
Also, to try to attain FREEDOM in the internal world of the psyche, which as Gabor Maté defines it, is the:
“Ability to opt for our long-term physical and spiritual well-being as opposed to our immediate urges”
Most of the information presented is from the book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté, MD, expert on trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development.
1. What is addiction?
Addiction is any repeated behavior, substance-related or not, in which a person feels compelled to persist, regardless of its negative impact on his life and the lives of others.
The hallmarks of any addiction are compulsion, impaired control, persistence, irritability, relapse, and craving.
People can be addicted to accumulating wealth and/or power. Also, to obvious addictions such as gambling, sex, junk food, and the cult of the “young” body image. However, individuals can become addicted also to consumerism, status, shopping, or fetishized relationships. And nowadays I would also add addiction to technology (social media, video watching, etc.).
“A person comes to depend on the substance or behavior in order to make himself feel momentarily calmer or more excited or less dissatisfied with his life.” – Dr. Gabor Maté
As Dr. Gabor Maté puts it addiction could be simply put as an “enslavement to a habit”.
Also related to this, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) has a similarity to addiction in the driven nature of its behaviors. They are both impulse-control disorders and are both based in anxiety.
2. Where is coming from?
At the core of all addictions there lies a SPIRITUAL VOID. This includes attempts to escape an agonizing discomfort with our own self. Also, psychological isolation tips people into addiction. An addiction is always a poor substitute for love.
What we call “pleasure”, in an addiction, is little more than an brief sense of relief from MENTAL DISTRESS or SPIRITUAL EMPTINESS.
According to Dr. Gabor Maté, addictions come from an “addicted brain” as a result of a brain that was not effectively developed during childhood. The urge of addictions originates in neurological circuits that were programmed into the brain long ago. “It represents a dopamine or endorphin “hunger” on the part of brain systems that, early in our life, lacked the necessary conditions for their full development. It also represents emotional needs that went unsatisfied.”
Attachment relationships are the major environmental factors that shape the development of the brain during its period of maximal growth.
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“We are the result of circumstances that happened to us when we were not mature or knowledgeable enough to deal with them in a healthy way.”– Dr. Gabor Maté
Stress is therefore a major contribution to this development. Three factors that universally lead to stress for human beings are uncertainty (in important areas of life: personal, professional, economic or psychological), lack of information, and loss of control.
As Dr. Gabor Maté puts it, "what we call the PERSONALITY is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it. And whether we know it or not, most of us crave AUTHENTICITY, the reality beyond roles, labels, and carefully honed personae". And when we don’t want to accept this, to take responsibility, we are basically against our deepest values and needs, and therefore the roots of our suffering.
3. Impact of Addictions
It causes to spend money heedlessly or to stuff ourselves when we we aren’t hungry or to be absent from the ones we love or to expend our energies on activities that we later regret. It wastes our time. It leads to lie and to cheat and to pretend — first to ourselves and then to everyone close to us. It can leave us feeling ashamed and isolated.
The real impact of an addictive compulsion is that it causes to betray our true values and disregard our true goals. This yields to shame of self-betrayal.
4.?The future looks blurred if we don’t take action!
I agree with Dr. Gabor Maté when he says that “There has never before been a generation so stressed and so starved of nurturing adult relationships. We feel powerless and isolated, so we become passive. We lead harried lives, so we long for escape. The void is not in the parent’s love or commitment, but in the child’s perception of being seen, understood, empathized with, and “gotten” on the emotional level. Whatever we don’t deal with in our lives, we pass on to our children.”
Also, the increase in consumer markets selling promises of instant relief (from the pain of thought, loneliness, doubt, experience, envy, and old age), making additions much more common and easier to access.
5.?So what can we do about it?
As Dr. Gabor Maté states:
We were not responsible for the stressful circumstances that shaped our brain and worldview, but we CAN take RESPONSIBILITY now.
The following list are some of the things that could help individuals to overcome addictions and/or find fulfilment in their life:
Spiritual work and psychological work are both necessary to reclaim our true nature and find freedom in our life. As Dr. Gabor Mate states:
“The freedom from pursuits, the freedom from being so needy that our whole life is spent trying to appease our desires or fill in the emptiness”
Dedicated to my beloved friend and his family.
Please share your thoughts and experiences below so we can all grow together.
One of the top business and leadership experts in the world.
3 年I was especially struck by the three factors, uncertainty, lack of information, and loss of control. I wonder if the severe isolation that many people have had to endure during Covid, and the resulting depression, addiction, and suicide rates, can be traced back to those three elements.
I help Purpose Driven Business Leaders avoid the pain of burnout, so they can enjoy peace and wellbeing. Coach | Author | TEDx Speaker
3 年Lots of good insight from the group. It is fascinating to realize that when we dig deep enough most of our pains are related to not feeling connected. Not connected to our creator and not connected to people. To protect ourselves from that pain, we often do the exact opposite of what would develop deeper connections. There is a TED talk I just learned about a couple of weeks ago which some of you are probably familiar with. Brene Brown gives us an insight on what we can do to create connection. Here is the link. https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o
?Certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner ? Emotional Intelligence Coach ?Addiction/Trauma Therapist ? Psychedelic-assisted Therapy
3 年Hmm interesting, Yoshi.
Help BSCs & In-house Cleaning Ops with their pain points, and then provide consistently superior results. Also help mfgs & distributors achieve true strategic growth. Author. Speaker.
3 年Addictions - so many different types, degrees of impact, affecting so many different people and their circle of good friends and close family. We typically don't know who may be suffering. It likely does start as the root problem being the level of consciousness, ego versus spiritual level. That base will then determine the person's important priorities and values. Yoshi Garnica, thank you for your article, the insights, and the message.