Filling That Empty Space

For many years of my life, I felt something was missing. There was always some type of void. I tried filling that place of emptiness with all the wrong things, the wrong intimate relationships, the wrong circle of people, and even the wrong family members.

What I have come to learn; however, is what I was lacking could not be given to me by any man or group. The big gapping hole was created by my lack of self-love and from not hanging on to God' word.

Those relationships I was seeking were desolate replacements for the one I should have with myself. All the love, time and passion I was giving away freely, to some who did not deserve it, should have at first been directed towards me.

That journey to self-love was one filled with turbulence. It, at first, so uncomfortable. However, once I got my bearings and saw where I was headed, I buckled up and started to embrace the ride. What was somewhat frightening in the beginning was the realization that I would never been getting off! 

Yes, the self-love journey goes on for a life time, and will be filled with even more turbulence. The troubled winds of self-doubt, fear, envy and pity will sometimes again start to roar. However, I now rest on God's powerful word, which reminds me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the head and not the tail, the daughter of a King, powerful and mighty, and I have many brothers and sisters to support me. The divine connections, those who will be there during the blustering winds and when the storm clouds are billowing. Those who will fall down on their knees to petition God on my behalf.

Are you feeling a void? Are you weary and discouraged? Do you need to start a self-love journey? Come on and join me on this ride. Just remember; however, that when you take that first step, you will be leaving some others behind. There are some who need you to need them. They want you lost and vulnerable. When that is no longer the case, their behavior towards you will change.  You will have to bid them farewell and be okay with it. Their time on your journey has ended.

Do not allow that gapping hole inside you to be filled by the love, presence and attention of another. Many will only be there for a short time. Upon their departure, the hole will only widen, leaving you to feel even more unloved, vulnerable and insecure. Instead, fill that empty space with prayer, God's word and self-love. You will end up in a beautiful place. A place that will allow you to receive love, support and attention, not from a place of emptiness, but from a full and happy place.

Teresa L. Holmes, The Esteemologist