Fighting life is not graceful leadership

Fighting life is not graceful leadership.

If it sounds like a statement of the obvious, have you recently stopped to reflect where your leadership approach fights life? It doesn’t need to be full break down level to be having an impact on you and those around you.

I continue to be surprised when I shine the light on this topic, I continue to find new ways in myself and leaders I work with where we are fighting life, rather than graciously surfing the new waves as they arise.

Plans

Setting expectations

Forecasting

“Best Practices”

Habits

… can all be useful, until they are not.

An example of mine is a strength in planning. There is so much value in increased understanding, opportunities to be intentional and proactive, and to see perspectives you would have missed with planning. I enjoy the process of planning, the creativity, the engagement of others, the enablement of achievements of significance.

Recently I have been experiencing a number of delays where other’s schedules were not lining up with my expectations. These delays were now flowing on to other dependencies I had “banked on” and I felt unreliable. I was off-track to my expectations. I could feel the frustration rising.

“Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”

~ Eisenhower

I had to take a breath and remind myself that the factors were beyond my control. It’s no use fighting that. Creating the space to discern my next move is the better use of my energy.

You know what? Even when I could hear the inner wisdom of that I still found myself fighting it. Jabs at myself for letting it happen. A disappointment energy that the situation had played out that way. A fair bit of energy that was not actually helping my cause.

Do you ever experience situations where your “tried and true” leadership approach starts to feel more like fighting life?

Reflection exercises:

• When factors beyond your control or awareness disrupt your expectations, how do you respond?
• Do you Acknowledge or Fight?
• Would acknowledging sooner serve you?

The following story has been shared with me through numerous wise advisors and I am finding I am sharing it more often too. It has a long history, and many variations are found through Asia (as detailed here. )

There once was an old Zen farmer. Every day, the farmer used his horse to help work his fields and keep his farm healthy.

But one day, the horse ran away. All the villagers came by and said, “We're so sorry to hear this. This is such bad luck.”

But the farmer responded,?“Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?”

The villagers were confused but decided to ignore him. A few weeks went by and then one afternoon, while the farmer was working outside, he looked up and saw his horse running toward him. But the horse was not alone. The horse was returning to him with a whole herd of horses. So now the farmer had 10 horses to help work his fields.

All the villagers came by to congratulate the farmer and said, “Wow! This is such good luck!”

But the farmer responded,?“Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?

A few weeks later, the farmer's son came over to visit and help his father work on the farm. While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg.

The villagers came by to commiserate and said, “How awful. This is such bad luck.”

Just as he did the first time, the farmer responded,?“Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?”

A month later, the farmer’s son was still recovering. He wasn’t able to walk or do any manual labor to help his father around the farm.

A regiment of the army came marching through town conscripting every able-bodied young man to join them. When the regiment came to the farmer’s house and saw the young boy's broken leg, they marched past and left him where he lay.

Of course, all the villagers came by and said, “Amazing! This is such good luck. You're so fortunate.”

And you know the farmer’s response by now…

Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?

(Source: Mindfulness.com )

We often try to control the events of our lives by deciding what outcome would be good and what would be bad, and then working very hard to achieve one and avoid the other.

When things go according to our plans, we're overjoyed. But when things don't turn out as we had hoped, we are deflated. We might “beat ourselves up” for getting our hopes up or lash out at others who we think are responsible for creating the “bad” outcome.

But when we learn to stop grasping at life’s moments to coerce them into becoming only exactly what we want, we experience a greater fluidity and ease, which supports whatever action we choose to take.

And the truth is, we don’t always know whether an event will ultimately prove to be “good” or “bad.”

Just like in the Buddhist story of the farmer, something that seems like good news in the present moment might turn out to bring inconveniences or even heartbreak in the future. And something that appears to be a bad thing in the present moment might become very useful on another occasion.

Fighting life is not graceful leadership.

What has been your experience?

Bernie

This article is part of the Chief of Transformation topic.

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Bernie is known for building capability and confidence in leaders who need to transform organisations that are continually reshaping to survive and thrive.

His career in whole of enterprise and cross-organisation shifts, and then 10 years Business Transformation Diagnostics, Training, and Mentoring across Australia and SE Asia.?Currently working with leaders who are focused on accelerated development and re-imagination of industry value systems. He loves contributing to leaders, teams and networks successfully transitioning to the next phase.?

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In 2020 Bernie authored Traction: Building Change-fit Leadership Teams.

Bernie welcomes connecting with and talking to leaders tackling the challenges of team and network transitions.

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