This fight is for my son

What you wouldn’t do for your son?

He doesn’t know it yet that this fight is for him. I do it because I want to be around to watch him grow, to be there if he wants me for anything.?

Since he was a child, we have allowed him the freedom to pursue his interests. He was always interested in reading. His early interest was in picture books of dinosaurs, animals and birds. Every night, he would climb on my back and ask me to read those books to him. Soon he was drawing pictures of dinosaurs from memory. His library is full of books, big and small, of dinosaurs and birds.?

The childhood fascination for dinosaurs didn’t diminish when he grew. When he was in his 8th standard he said he wanted to go abroad to study palaeontology. And therefore he switched from CBSE to IB for an easy admission to colleges abroad. We had no idea that he had started applying for admission till he came to me to ask for my card to pay the application fee.?

While was he at home, we felt he was immature, spoilt, lazy and incapable of being independent. So the thought of sending him abroad at 17 scared my wife. But she too wanted him to do what he desired. He got admission in 2 universities, one offered a degree in palaeontology but the fee was 2-3x of the other. So he compromised and chose biology in the other university. I tried to follow what he was studying every semester. I gave up when I realised that I needed a dictionary or Google to know what he was studying.

We didn’t lay down too many rules. Weekly FaceTime call, high moral standards, and a monthly allowance limited to basic needs were the only requirements from us. During weekends and holidays, he was required to work, and volunteer at animal shelters, and the zoo. Since volunteering didn’t pay, he worked in a Japanese restaurant kitchen, as a food prep assistant, as a waiter and then as a supervisor. After the 1st year, studies and grades were not shared and discussed.?It was assumed that he was doing well.

My wife was never in favour of him going abroad at a young age. She was worried that he would forget Indian values and traditions. So, she insisted that he made friends with Indians. He didn’t. They argued and fought every week while on call. That was always the time for me to be quiet. It would start when she asked him what he had to eat and if he said his daily prayers.?

After his under graduation he moved to a bigger city with his friends. He did odd jobs until he got a job that was appropriate to what he had studied.?

His visits to India were not frequent. He either took up extra credits or worked. His infrequent visits made my wife worry that he was drifting away from us. When I had my angioplasty, he apparently cried while on a call with her. It was then she realised that she was wrong to think that he we was drifting away from us. This realisation hasn’t stopped their weekly fights. It still continues when she starts berating him for not praying and for eating unhealthy foods.?

Ever since I had cancer he has been calling us to go stay with him. Said the treatment quality and cost of care are better. We made him understand how impractical that is for him and us. A few months later he came to visit us. He met my doctor and my friends and thanked them for their help. While he was here, I explained my savings and investments, and what was to be used for what need. The only promise that I extracted from him was that he will take care of his Mom when I go.?Now, we chat every night.

we are now anxious for him to start applying for his post graduation. He has started preparing for it only now. Knowing him it will be another year before he does it :-). By then, I should be back to normal health and be fit to make the trip to visit him.?

We all have something in our life to cling to, especially during adversity. For me, it’s my son.

#gratitude #fucancer