Fight the Invisible? You Can Win!

I hadn’t spoken much for over a month. Sitting in Unit #1 of Royale Mental Health Facility (resting behind ETS or Emergency Treatment Center of Orange County) in Santa Ana, California, there I was...well, physically.

I had dismissed many opportunities to talk with my new psychiatrist, therapist, really anyone...?

When it happened.

My therapist walked into my solo room and began to stare at the pictures on my dresser quietly.?

Spread out on the dresser were pictures of babies.?

Pictures of my 3-year-old son and my newborn daughter.

As she starred, she looked up and said to me, “Wow, your kids are beautiful. You have a lot to fight for. I hope you don’t give up!”

I stood in silence. My mind began to race. Then a sense of peace entered my mind. As she walked out of the room, I stopped her.

“Help me. I’m willing to give this a shot.”

And so, my journey of putting up a fight against Schizophrenia began. Little did I know then that it was far from over.?

Now before you think, “how can you fight a mental illness?" Or, “You have nothing to fight. It’s not your fault." “Accept what is,” let me stop you, and allow me to share with you a bit of my story…

Because fighting is my only choice, I am willing to take up “arms” and join this battle. Plus, I think I am winning it!

An Unsaid Connection Leads To Real Strength

Every day after breakfast, the unit would be let out for 20 minutes or so for some basketball, walking around the enclosed yard, fresh air, and my favorite...a cigarette or two. (but no more than 2)

I had my usual spot at the backend of the yard, where I would sit by a tree and enjoy my cigarette. (without being bothered)

My expression must have let others know not to bother me because no one ever came to bug me.?

One day, about 20 or 30 days in (before I had the conversation described above), I decided to play basketball. The only people shooting around were a Samoan and a White guy. Both of whom became deep inspirations to me. Although, they will never know it.

You see, as I walked to the court, I got greeted in the traditional way, sized up, and the game of 21 was on. The funny thing is we got so rowdy with each other that staff began to keep watch just in case someone started throwing punches.

But this was different. This was an unsaid connection between us 3. After the game was over (and the nerves of staff died down), I sensed something. With a nod from each, I had received something.?

It was as if they said to me, “Stop being in the corner, suffering alone. We are all suffering from something. Let’s Go”

I believe this experience allowed me to be receptive to the therapist walking into my room later that day—that experience and the fact that she hit me at my core by speaking about my children.

Transferred to the Long Term Housing Unit #3

Here is where I will pause in my story. To be honest, I am a bit exhausted. Therefore, I can make this into a good segue. The following sequence in this account will begin here. At my transfer to Unit #3

I won’t leave without a quick takeaway for you, though.

Regardless of what some may say about mental illness. If you are suffering from such an ailment, do not be scared to share. Sure, some will look at you differently and let them.

BUT, YOU OWE IT TO THOSE THAT YOU LOVE...TO YOURSELF, TO CONTINUE FIGHTING.

I know people will discredit the fight in well-meaning attempts to let you understand that it’s alright. It’s all out of your control. Accept that you have this or that.

I am here to say that they are correct. It is alright.

However, it's alright not to accept this advice at face value (Understand the intent of those words and follow directions), BUT never forget that it’s alright TO FIGHT!