Fight, Flight or Freeze?

These are often the reactions we automatically have when faced with conflict. It comes from our long-ago ancestors who were up against some serious challenges like saber tooth tigers and other warring tribes.

Now-a-days, while we don’t usually find ourselves in these kinds of dangerous situations, we do still have these ancient reactions when we experience conflicts with other people. It’s natural. But how do we get past this so we can figure things out and move forward?

This where a neutral, third party – a mediator – can make a big difference. When I’m working folks in conflict and one person says something to the other that is clearly intended as a jab or criticism (fight), I can call them on it and redirect them to a more neutral or positive place. They’ve signed up to allow me to be their referee so when I tell them stop, they usually listen. Then from there, I can help them find the words to ask for the thing they really want.

A flight example is when... (read more here)