Fifty ways to get to safety

(to the tune of "Fifty ways to leave your lover" by Paul Simon")

50 ways to get to safety

Someone is shooting up the mall she said to me

We can make it if we slip out quietly

I'd like to help you in your desire to be free

There must be fifty ways to get to safety

The store clerks probably won't mind if we intrude

Furthermore, I hope my directions won't be lost or misconstrued

I won't repeat myself at the risk of being rude

There must be fifty ways to get to safety

Fifty ways to get to safety

You just slip out the back, Jack

Stay clear of the van, Stan

Grab the baseball bat, Pat

Just get yourself free

Don't hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much

Just follow me, Lee

And get yourself free

She said we really must be heading to the door

They're at the elevators and they're headed to this floor

I said I'll grab this bat and would you please explain

About the fifty ways

She said there's really no time left now to explain

I wish I had my purse and all that it contains

And as she ran away I realized she probably was right

There must be fifty ways to get to safety

Fifty ways to get to safety

You just slip out the back, Jack

Stay clear of the van, Stan

Grab the baseball bat, Pat

Just get yourself free

Don't hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much

Just follow me, Lee

And get yourself free