Fifty ways to not actually do something

1.     Make an action point spreadsheet of things to do.

2.     Call a zoom meeting to discuss what to do.

3.     Conduct a survey on what to do.

4.     Set some targets.

5.     Visit the coffee machine.

6.     Construct a forecast of what doing something will look like.

7.     Do an internet search on doing something.

8.     Eat biscuits.

9.     Invite a customer satisfaction survey on the last thing you did.

10.  Call a meeting.

11.  List the action points of the meeting.

12.  Stare vacuously and unashamedly out the window at the pigeons.

13.  Invite comment on something. Anything will do.

14.  Change all the fonts.

15.  Lose your glasses and look for them.

16.  Lose your phone and look for it.

17.  Seek 360 feedback.

18.  Fine tune the action point spreadsheet.

19.  Consider lunch.

20.  Have lunch.

21.  Reset the screen saver.

22.  Change the colours of outlook appointments by type.

23.  Visit the coffee machine

24.  Announce a plan.

25.  Tweak annoying eyebrow hairs.

26.  Clean the sink.

27.  Reconstruct the Sistine Chapel ceiling as a doodle in the style of Dr Suess.

28.  Check your pulse. 

29.  Visit the stationery supplies room then forget why. 

30.  Prepare a summary spreadsheet of the things completed, for when you complete them.

31.  Rotate. No reason.

32.  Sort desk.

33.  Sharpen pencils. All of them.

34.  Construct an inventory.

35.  Review the plan.

36.  Revise the plan.

37.  Abort the plan.

38.  Share funny animal videos.

39.  Reform the world. In your head.

40.  Fall onto the social media trampoline and bounce for a time.

41.  Check online what time it is in Krasnoyarsk. Just because.

42.  Coo at the pigeon by the window to see what it does.

43.  Go for a walk. To very far away.

44.  Come back.

45.  Construct a list of something. There must be something.

46.  Adjust the template.

47.  Eat cheese. There is never a bad time.

48.  Fall into a space-time continuum wormhole forged by a mini black hole left over from the big bang which just entered the room, or failing that…

49.  …eat crisps

50.  Check to see if the action points list has gotten any smaller.