This is Fifty!

Life is journey of discovery. One of the greatest joys of my life has been discovering my passion for writing. So what better way to celebrate than to share some reflections from my year of jubilee!

Gratitude

It is impossible to come this far and not be filled with gratitude. I rise up each morning grateful that the day is here - sometimes great, sometimes less so, but still representing opportunity.

I am grateful for faith that sustains me.

I am grateful that I have husband who loves me sacrificially.

I am grateful for my children who I actually know and understand as independent individuals.

I am grateful for siblings who protect their love for me and demonstrate it daily.

I am grateful for friends who love me enough to pray with me, laugh with me, cry with me and, very importantly, point out my mistakes to the point of introspection.

Memories

I have enjoyed reminiscing on my life this past year. One of my earliest and fondest memories is of my mother's smile. I loved and still love her smile. Both of my parents smiled a lot but my mother has a special reassuring smile, despite being the stricter parent. I remember how as a child I wanted to smile like my mother. Her smile was the most beautiful sight in the world.

Through that smile she communicated and embodied so many life lessons - life is what you make it; dream big dreams; rise up and take action. She always kept it simple.

When she was my current age, she was still in the midst of extremely difficult years. Difficulties on several fronts. Yet she persisted. I really wonder how she did it. Looking at her now fills me with hope and expectation. I don't know many people who live their best life in later years. I don't know many people for whom getting older means getting better. She is disciplined, focused and joyous. Today, what competes with her smile are her blessings. It does not matter how many times she speaks to you, every phone call ends with a blessing.

Reflection for redirection

Losing my father two years ago triggered a season of deep reflection for me. My grief was at it rawest whenever I looked in the mirror and saw his face. I wondered how it was possible that the source of this face was gone! He taught me mathematics and engineering at home - setting me on an academic path that would define my career. Yet, his handwritten letters to us when we were younger and he worked away are perhaps the inspiration to write that I never realised I had. He would write lovingly and articulately. The words jumped off the sheet.

I remember how my phone rang incessantly that Friday in June 2022 while I was in a board meeting. I had to step out and return the call. I was thousands of miles away from him. The frantic conversation with family that Friday led to his hospitalisation. On Saturday things were still hectic. Doctors were treating him but they were concerned about his vital signs. That night I prayed for a miracle for Sunday, Father's Day. On Sunday the doctors were hopeful. They said his vitals were encouraging. Relief...for the day, I thought. But he didn't wake up. Our sad miracle of Father’s Day was Dad’s soul finding rest.

Losing him placed the brevity of life squarely in my face. I have always privately allowed myself to be informed by the brevity of life but now it felt raw.

And so the burning question that grew louder and louder was, what do I do with the rest of my life based on all that I know, have experienced and care about? What will passionately drive me? I am still piecing that together. Allowing myself to be in the now while becoming for the future is the most exciting part about this phase of my life. This time becoming is not only who I can be in my career but who I can be to all the people I care about and the circles I get to influence in the world.

Rest for restoration

As I approached my 49th birthday last year, I was focused on what my 50th year, which would end on my 50th birthday, should be about. It had to mean more than simply more of the same. My jubilee quote reads:

“And you shall consecrate the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a Jubilee for you; and each of you shall return to his possession, and each of you shall return to his family. That fiftieth year shall be a Jubilee to you; in it you shall neither sow nor reap what grows of its own accord, nor gather the grapes of your untended vine. For it is the Jubilee; it shall be holy to you; you shall eat its produce from the field.” Leviticus 25:10-12 NKJV

I decided that it would be a year where I find rest that leads to restoration for the future. My goal was to find rest in all aspects of my life. Mend what was broken and amplify what was growing. It took a lot of reading and studying to make sense of this. I had many intense conversations. In the end I came up with faith, family, career, church, friends and impact. It sounds pretty obvious and yet, the balance and focus had eroded for me. Detail that mattered had taken a back seat. I decided to invest to restore the balance and it has brought great joy as I continue to build!

My biggest pledge for the year was to 'celebrate with those who are celebrating'. Being born later in the year means I have had the pleasure of celebrating many of my peers who have already hit this milestone. If I needed more reasons to be grateful, I found them each month in the joyous faces of my friends.

I have walked and walked, for the past year. Slowly but surely, I noticed the positive evolution in my prayers and meditations during these walks. I look forward to them now with the eagerness of a child wondering, what will I discover today?

Embrace the challenges

Life will always include a set of challenges for us to navigate. I used to refer to challenges as opportunities presented in wrong packages. True. However, the magnitude of our challenges grows as a demonstration of our greater capacity to handle them. The sheer irony!

Obviously, it is in our valleys that we are equipped for the next mountain we scale, even higher. And while we must mature in resilience through challenges, I have learnt that we must persist in sowing. Keep planting new seeds. In effect, continue to engage by making choices I will be proud of in future, even if I have to do so through tears - and there have been many tears in five decades. I know what that means. A quote from the book of Psalms crystallises this for me:

“Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” Psalms 126:5-6 NKJV

The audacity to simply be...daily...to become...eventually

Whose life are you living? It is my reminder to intentionally craft what I want my life to be. Today, I am grateful for the courage of my younger self to mostly choose what was best for her. There have been many stumbles but I am thankful that she had the courage to take her mother's advice. I pray that I sustain her courage in the hope that older Lucy will be proud of me in twenty, forty or more years. It is our life of becoming...Lucy!

In order to become all that we are meant to be, we all need peace. Even in the midst of storms.

Above all things, I wish you peace...

• Peace with God, as you look up
• Peace within to be emotionally settled. May you choose spaces where you belong
• Peace with others, as you interact and impact your world daily

This is Fifty!

Lucy