A few thoughts on grief...

I interrupt your regularly scheduled #GlassNerd programming to share this awkward aside. Strap in or keep scrolling ‘cuz this one is a doozy… I want to share some recent and insanely personal and intimate thoughts on grief. Maybe this isn’t suited or appropriate for LinkedIn content, but it’s where my “business” or “work” mind resides lately and I hazard a guess that I’m not alone here when navigating/balancing/negotiating what is work vs personal perspective (they overlap a crap ton, approximately). Today kicks off mental health awareness month, a topic that often gets relegated to slightly taboo, usually stigmatized to some degree and always-awkward conversation territory in the #construction industry. So I’m gonna expose my vulnerable soft underbelly with hopes it makes it a slightly easier topic to broach for others. I’m doing this for us. Okay fine, I’m doing this for me.

I do/say/post goofy stuff. Anyone that reads my antics can attest. I try to showcase the fun/awesome/people side of this weird little industry. I also struggle sometimes, too. This last week was a hard week for me. This last year was a hard year for me. This is a picture of my dad. Well, a custom vintage Topps baseball card of my dad that was made and given to me by my friend/brother Neal Tyner, to be exact. I spent the day celebrating a man that played the most significant role in building whatever you see me as now (if you like me you would’ve loved him, even if you don’t like me you still would’ve loved him--he was that good), and a person who’s timecard got punched early via leukemia. He was my best friend, and the loss hit me in ways I've never been hit. We went to a ball game together in spirit last week.

April 27th marked one year since his passing, I was terrified of that day for months, a mild wreck the day of, and still a little clunky afterward. I also had work to do. I had scheduled visits, presentations, 2,578 emails and a trade show to hustle. The show must go on, and we all gotta eat. And that’s ok. You’ve gotta live your life and process the hard things at the same time.

“But you don’t seem sad…”

There’s a perception or assumption that if you’re not acting despondent all the time you’re somehow being disrespectful or that you’re no longer grieving. How can you laugh and have fun if you’re mourning? That perception dictates that if you look/seem/sound fine that everything is hunky dory.

Let's debunk... We still are grieving. We are coping. We are also working through it and distracting ourselves and doing the stuff that needs to be done. I can be and still am respectful of the magnitude of the event and loss, I’m also not trying to suck the energy out of the room and stay shackled to a particular headspace every day.

Me going through something doesn’t mean I’m only showing the rough moments. I want to show the gravity I carry, but it’s not all sadness. I’ve cried all the tears but can still smile and laugh. I’m carrying all of it, including the good memories and good times, and can also step outside of it and function and rally. That doesn't mean the grief isn't with me, I'm just channeling it differently.

Life can be and seem unfair, travesties are never too far away (ahead or behind), and the stresses of the work grind and personal relationships wear us all. It’s ok to not be ok all the time, and there are more people than you think—even in the construction industry—that are open to listening and supporting your/my sad-sack tribulations, and can probably share their own strife. Heck, I had a therapist referral from a glazier and have regular candid personal vents and mental dumps with a lot of people in the glass industry. It’s ok to talk about that stuff. There are more open ears, arms and hearts in this industry than you might think. We’re all varying degrees of damaged and muddling through our own issues. We’ve all lost and/or will lose something/someone or carry other weight/issues that seem unsharable, unrelatable and unbearable. I encourage you all to open up a bit and share the bad with the good with your colleagues, otherwise it can be very lonely when it doesn’t have to be. When the damage hits hard, talk to someone. Talk to someone before the damage hits too hard, talk to me if you want. You don’t have to go it alone while working through your stuff. Let’s curb-stomp the shame and stigma that engulfs the conversations about mental health.

I'm okay and working on "okay-er." Now back to the fun posts…