The FEMTOR

Having started a mentoring business, maybe it’s a little late to be giving consideration to the fundamental differences between coaching and mentoring other than I’m a mentor first, coach second or is it the other way round? If the cap fits as they say, but as it’s a question I’m often asked and these are my thoughts.

A Google search defines ‘Mentor' as an experienced and trusted adviser. Search ‘Coach’ and Google defines it as a comfortably equipped single-decker bus used for longer journeys? Obviously the wrong context, but maybe there’s something in the longer journeys bit? Google 'Life Coach' and it reveals an advisor who helps people make decisions, set and reach goals, or deal with problems.

The Oxford English Dictionary describes a ‘Mentee’ as a person who's advised and helped by a more experienced person over a period of time. The aim of the mentor/mentee relationship being, to build up your mentee's confidence. A ‘Coachee', not a widely used term is described as a person who receives training from a coach, especially in business or office practice. In simple terms, it’s a conversation aimed at helping improve performance to achieve goals. 

As a lifelong marketeer, people have often said to me "I’d love your job Lisa, but I’m just not creative”. I have a saying, it’s "everyone's in the marketing department” because I believe everyone is creative and broadly speaking, I feel the same is true for coaching. I see that generally everyone in a business environment regardless of role and rank is generally capable, and should be mindful of their duty to help each-other mutually succeed. Where this is instinctive, you have mentors, when it’s not, these behaviours have to be learned, and that’s coaching - controversial right?

Interestingly, I came across a new word this week, ‘Femtor’. At first, I thought, I don’t remember that mythical creature in Jason and the Argonauts? It turns out it’s a female mentor, which prompted a further immediate search… “Google, what’s a male mentor called?" and it didn’t compute? I suppose there’s already a man in men-tor. So if a female mentor, mentors a female mentee, does that make them a femtee? Because mantor works best with the mentee. Oh forget it, I’m just sticking with mentor.

For me, the concept of a mentor is more established, it’s historically more established and that’s a fact. I think it focusses more on the future, it feels more commercial and entrepreneurially centred, leadership orientated and is more strategic, sometimes more long-term and reflective. Mentoring uses what we understand as the modern methodology of executive coaching whilst leveraging anecdotal experience and worldliness.

To me, coaching is more immediate, short-term, more person and role centred, in business, it's departmentally cross-cultural and more hands-on, although experience is important, it’s more behaviour centred.

Coaching is now a super industry in its own right, I think there are as many coaches on LinkedIn than HR managers and certainly more coaches than mentors. The coaching phenomenon is a powerful vehicle for empowering best practise in business culture, placing significant focus on personal and organisational development and wellbeing, especially the practice of mindfulness, or at the very least, the concept of think before you speak. 

Every man and his dog seems to have jumped on the coaching single-decker bus. To some, mentoring may be seen as old-fashioned, I chose to mentor to stand out from the coaches. You know what they say, he who can mentors; he who cannot, coaches. I’m kidding!!!! Let's face it, both have the same objectives, to help people succeed, and for these powerfully mutual interactions to enable us to grow and be our best possible selves within our capability, means and circumstance.

For those of us who didn’t take a more formal route through higher education, where maybe, we didn’t benefit from the consistently visible and sometimes more personal attention of educators. I think both subconsciously and consciously, we latch-on to advocates of positivity, purveyors knowledge and permeators of confidence. By instinctively seeking out guiding influencers, I believe these natural connections are powered by the laws of attraction and by seeking mentors, we remain not just open-minded but open, and therefore curious.

I recognise my own journey as a mentor started when I was 17-years old, long before the words mentor and coach were valued in a wider business context. Unlike many of my peers, post-secondary education, I knew what I wanted to do but despite this certainty, my career journey was and remains a winding road of self-discovery, practical discovery and choice, certainly not a straight path to success. At the start of my career, I became very aware that to others, their perception of my ‘employed’ success and associated happiness was a cue for guidance.

Before long, I was honing CV’s and successfully pointing people at opportunities. We never see ourselves as others see us, just by taking the time to listen and observe people, it gave me a clear view of (amongst other things), both their obvious and hidden strengths and actually, just a little encouragement was enough for them to take the reins. I recently received a note from a friend in Australia thanking me for such support 35-years after the event, I’d forgotten all about it but there you have it, a mentor in the making.

From courageous leaders both in business and life, friends, peers, heroes and knowledgers, to extraverts and raconteurs of enlightenment and unconditional guidance, the wealth of adjectives to describe our very personal and inspirational mentoring moments both as mentors and mentee’s is endless, so it’s easier to summarise it in just one word - mentor.

Whilst the worldly mentors in our lives help unlock our true spirit, I believe mentors are equally drawn to our sometimes hidden potential, they can’t help it, we motivate and intrigue them and in turn, they share, mostly they’re kind, sometimes they're cruel to be kind, but ultimately these interactions positively shape the people we become, helping us to navigate life, possibility, and opportunity. 

Sometimes these interactions are so subtle, we don’t even realise the impact mentors have on our lives, only that we mirror and this reflects. Sub-consciously, we don’t consider and certainly don’t take credit for the impact we have in our own capacity as mentors, that’s until someone reminds us 35-years later. All I can tell you is when successful, this mutual interaction leaves a mentor with a feeling of divine satisfaction and the mentee with a sense of progress and self-awareness. This is true because I’ve experienced it for myself as both mentor and mentee.

As Zig Ziglar famously said, “A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.” It shouldn’t be an either/or situation, having an ally in your corner who’s both a coach and a mentor is extremely powerful and it’s never been more relevant to individuals or business. The trick is to find a seasoned and talented individual able to fulfil both roles to meet whatever the circumstance.

The day I incorporated my business Oraculi, I paid thoughtful homage to my own mentors and life coaches, it was an important exercise that gave me courage and perspective and I’d encourage you to do the same. Nearest and dearest to one side (you know who you are and I love you) and in alphabetical order, here are a few of my own inspirational influencers and heroes, the epitome of the real-deal and all-round mentors in my life physically and vicariously.

• Angie Marung - With true emotional intelligence and sense of self, she stopped me in my tracks, just at the right time, thank you!
• Anita Roddick - A visionary in action right before my very young eyes, with massive presence and sense of purpose, a great time of my life.
• Bernadette Parker - Work ethic, entrepreneurial spirit, discipline and courage.
• Brian Booth - No alpha, encouraging and instilling the power of love, loyalty and friendship.
• Dale Carnegie - How to get the best from others and be a better person in the process, never get sick of taking that in.
• David Bowie - We all need a musical hero.
• Eileen Connolly - Staying mindfully connected with good and positive forces and my divine self.
• Jerry Maguire - The things we think and do not say.
• Leslie Wade - The most worldly, kind, perceptive, intellectual person I ever spent time with, I miss you x
• Mark Constantine - I met Mark Constantine once for a week, age 17 on a training course, WOW! He blew me away, I always aspire to his passion.
• Richard O’Brien - Unassuming genius, disrupter and evangelist for don’t dream it, be it.
• Ruth Burgess - Friendship, passion, being yourself despite the noise.
• Simon Sinek - Why?
• Stevie Wonder - His music and lyrics transport me to a mindful place.
• Tracey Howarth - Sistership and love.
• Valerie Young - Why I’m no imposter!
• Alan Partridge - Only kidding!

#mentor #coaching #femtor