Feminism begins at home: reflections in lock down
Funke Abimbola MBE
??Fractional General Counsel & Company Secretary?? In-house business lawyer, able to meet 99% of your business's legal needs ?A.I. Custodian ??Non Exec Director ?? Keynote speaker ??Proud mum??
I remember the first time that I told my son, Max Abimbola, to start doing his share of the washing up.
He was 12 and had barely started secondary school.
The look he gave me could have frozen the Thames but he did so, albeit begrudgingly.
My rationale for this request was multi-fold.
Max had learnt to cook and bake at school during the first term of year 7 and enjoyed doing so tremendously. We enjoyed a whole term of baked scones, macaroni cheese and other meals that the class cooked at school and brought home to their hungry and grateful parents and carers.
It was within this context that I explained to him that clearing up and washing up was an inherent part of cooking and baking.
It took some time for him to do this without me nagging - but do so he did.
Feminism begins at home
A key part of my work within equality, diversity and inclusion focuses on gender equality.
I started campaigning for more gender equality when I faced challenges returning to work as a corporate lawyer after taking a year’s maternity leave after having Max.
I was the only female lawyer in my team and, seemingly, the only one working in Central London who had decided to have a baby with her husband when she was only 2 years’ qualified.
The challenges I faced juggling work and home ultimately led to me leaving Central London altogether to work for a regional firm that was more accommodating of regular 9-5 working hours.
Years down the line, I began to realise that a whole generation of young, male lawyers who were also fathers wanted to have the opportunity to work flexibly. The turning point was when a male lawyer reached out to me for mentoring, during which time it transpired that he had been lying to his head of department about his aspirations to become a partner because partnership aspirations were expected of him as an ambitious male fee-earner.
He admitted to me that he had no such ambitions and that the real reason he was leaving work on time was not to network with clients (as he told colleagues) but rather to collect his young daughter from nursery.
**Copyright: SecondsCount.org**
His wife was a heart surgeon working long, erratic hours at a London teaching hospital which meant that it fell on him to maintain a more flexible working approach.
This revelation was a game changer for me in terms of gender equality.
I realised the crucial role that men must play in our efforts to improve gender equality, all the more so as I was, myself, raising a son.
UN Women: HeForShe
The United Nations have long since realised the vital role of men in the gender equality debate.
On 20 September 2014, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon launched HeForShe, a solidarity movement for the advancement of gender equality.
The premise was simple: gender inequality is an issue that affects us all – socially, economically and politically.
Through a mammoth global effort, HeForShe seeks to involve men and boys in reaching our goal of equality through taking a positive stance and positive action against negative gender stereotypes and behaviours.
**Credit: UN Women**
The HeForShe logo itself is a visual representation of the union of women and men, collaborating to achieve gender equality.
UN Women Global Goodwill Ambassador, actress Emma Watson, supported the launch in 2014.
During her impactful speech, Miss Watson stated that:
?"We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that that they are and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence."
Since the HeForShe launch, millions of men have committed to the important goal of achieving gender equality globally, ranging from heads of state and CEOs to young men in schools, including my son, Max.
"The initiative is based on a simple idea: that what we share is much more powerful than what divides us. We all feel the same things. We all want the same things, even when those things sometimes remain unspoken. HeForShe is about uplifting all of us, women and men together. It's moving us towards an inflection point for gender equality. "
-Elizabeth Nyamayaro, UN Women Senior Adviser, 2015 TED talk, 'An invitation to men who want a better world for women'
Alongside this, more and more diversity award recognition programmes have recognised the important role of male gender champions, including the We Are The City Rising Star Awards founded by Vanessa Vallely over 5 years ago. This year, the Men for Gender Balance award category recognised 5 outstanding male gender champions who we were delighted to celebrate at last night's online, virtual awards ceremony.
I warmly applaud you all, gentlemen!
But back to my son, Max…..
My son is now almost 18 years old. He starts his final year of secondary school in September before going on to study computer science at university.
His goal is to become a software engineer.
He has taken his HeForShe commitments extremely seriously and has committed to supporting more women into tech careers.
**My son, Max, at Google, July 2019**
And he now not only does his fair share of the washing up but also helps with many household chores – cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, laundry and ironing. Lock down would have been impossible without his support around the house.
Was it easy to get him to do chores over the years? Absolutely not!
Have we argued about chores throughout his teens? Of course we have.
Do I still wish his bedroom was just a little bit tidier? Every single day.........
But I am proud to say that I am raising a young man who firmly believes that feminism begins at home – and it begins with doing at least 50% of the house work.
I would warmly encourage other young men to take up the mantle and do the same.
Rest assured that your future partner will thank you for it!
LINKS TO FURTHER INFORMATION
- UN Women HeForShe website - https://www.heforshe.org/en
- Emma Watson's speech at the 2014 HeForShe launch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkjW9PZBRfk
- Elizabeth Nyamayaro (UN Women Senior Adviser) - 2015 TED talk, 'An invitation to men who want a better world for women' - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VekRvcbL4yk
- We Are The City Rising Star awards - https://risingstars.wearethecity.com/
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4 å¹´Interesting article that resonates. My father was the first feminist I know. We grew up seeing him do house chores. He cooked, cleaned and probably did more than my mum did at home whilst she ran her business. The reason he said: we all have the same number of hands and mouths, regardless of whether we are male or female. He was our great role model. And my brothers are so supportive of their partners today! Now on the third generation, I do the same with my son. And because he spends so much time with my dad, he's learned so much from him too. You're doing a great job with Max and leaving a path for Josh and I to follow in your footsteps.
Developing strategies to address culture and organisational change challenges arising from system/ process implementation.
4 å¹´Very true, feminism begins at home and many hands make light work too! I remember growing up in a household where my mother ensured all her sons could cook and clean (laundry, dishes, sweeping etc) as well as any male relative who came to stay for any length of time :-) Thank you Dr. Funke Abimbola MBE for the reminder that we all have a part to play in changing the narrative one male child at a time.
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4 å¹´Wonderful write up as always. As a mother of 2 boys and a highly supportive husband, i am proud to say I have more than my fair share of 'Me time' than most women. Reading this makes me realise how greatly blessed I am. Thanks Dr. Funke Abimbola MBE for sharing ?
I am really loving this lockdown series of artices Funke. I agree, allyship from men in the fight for gender equality is crucial. Well, you know how I feel about Max, he is an absolute credit to you. :-)