Feminism is also about equality among women

An edited version of this was published in Daily O.

'Feminism is also about equality among women'

In a recent interview, Arundhati Roy talked about her annoyance with ‘cool’ young women’ who say they are not feminists. ‘If you’re not a feminist’, she admonishes, ‘go back to into your veil, sit in the kitchen and take instructions. You don’t want to do that? Thank the feminists’. 

If women wielding a pen for social change, holding up banners in a protest march, appearing in debates on the news, or dressed stunningly, sum up the image of feminism, and subtracted from this sum, are women in the kitchen, and women in veils, it is no wonder, ‘feminism’ is a word, that is seen as narrow and elitist, and divisive more than inclusive.

Jane Fonda places the term in perspective, when she says, ‘Feminism is about the spirit’. Good women in kitchens, and in veils - whether they are in traditional spaces or have covered faces, by choice or by compulsion – are like the rest of us, trying to better their human condition any way they know how. To assume that their lives are meaningless and inert, is a stereotype that continues to be perpetuated by many feminists. Ironic, when the premise of feminism was to break stereotypes. 

‘Thank the feminists’ as Ms. Roy insists, is always a respectful gesture, but any woman who stood up to be counted a hundred years ago, or today, does it because she believes she must, first and foremost, do it for herself. The fact that in owning herself, she is seen as a role model, is how the world outside defines her.

The wars at home are not less important than the wars in politics. Wars begin in homes. When we see growing rage and hate in the world, there is something that is amiss inside of our homes. Happenings in public spaces are only a reflection of goings-on in private spaces. 

Many times, it is a good loving, tender traditional woman, providing a warm heart and hearth, that nurtures and nourishes, making the world a healthier, happier place. These women have the endurance, the hardihood, and yet, spread cheer to innumerous others through the ebbs and flows of their life. 

A woman of this grand nature is best represented as the mother in a working class family in the 1989 film, 'My Left Foot'. Yes, she spent most of her time in the ‘kitchen’, while she ‘took instructions’ from her husband, and did all manner of labour for her half-a dozen children. Yet, she was the most determined member of the family, keeping them above board, and together, against all odds, while encouraging her son with cerebral palsy to become an artist. She wielded her feminine power by loving, supporting, encouraging each and every member in her family. 

A good, strong woman, is not always the one in the frontlines or in the headlines. She is also the one who sits down, listens, makes peace, chooses the background, cooks up a warm meal bringing the entire family together on one table. She is also, the voice of calm, grace and love, quietly lifting the burdens of those around her, with ingenuity, integrity with quiet courage. Maternal instincts doesn’t make a woman any less of a warrior. In humans, or in animals. Usually, moreso.

A working mother with a demanding job, will almost always have another strong woman beside her making her life possible. This woman behind the scenes, ensures that her family is eating healthy, her children are happy and, her home, safe. Often in the ‘kitchen’, the ones who ‘take instructions’ are usually mothers, mothers-in-law, grandmothers, or, loyal maids and nannies. Without these strong pillars to lean on, this one-dimensional definition of ‘feminism’ would quickly fall apart. 

These women are the “piece of heaven” that many women turn to when life begins to feel like hell. Are they not contributing to progress? Are they, the women of “small things” working for the woman of “big things”? Is being a caring woman and building a happy home, an inferior goal, even when it is harder than holding down a job? Does greater caring capacity for others instead of their own personal success make them “lesser” women? 

In the film, 'Mona Lisa Smile', when Joan, instead of taking up the seat that she has been offered from a prestigious law school, decides to get married, her teacher, Katherin Watson is stupefied and speechless. Joan responds matter-of-factly: “I know what I am doing. And, it doesn’t make me less smart.” Later, in the movie Katherin’s colleague and lover, talks to Katherine about her expectations of everyone around her. “Joan failed you. You came to Wesley College not to help people find their way, but to help them find your way”. 

While in 'The Incredibles', Elastigirl represents wonderfully what it means to be a woman. She is a champion, not only because she can stretch her limbs infinitely but, also her heart and mind. She doesn’t lose her verve when she gives up her super-hero suit, and becomes a wife, mother, and home-maker. When she needs to go find and save her husband, she simply puts it back on. Whether in a domestic space or among superheroes, she stands her ground. And that’s what makes her incredible. Incredible women know that the journeys with families are as much a wild adventure, as much as a fulfilling career. 

Lisa Haydon, a famous Indian model said once, ‘it’s fine to be an outspoken and working woman. But, I don’t want to be a man. One day I look forward to making dinner for my husband and children. I don’t want to be a career feminist’. I am sure she has since realized that just because you want to be all that you can be, that doesn’t turn you into a man. It makes you all the woman you can be.

Progress is shaped not only through achievement, but also through humanity, kindness, warmth and love. If humanity is to save itself from extinction, professional achievements need to be celebrated the humane values of goodness, benevolence, generosity.

As far as broad judgements characterizing women in veils, they always fall short. Show me a woman who is compelled to wear a burkini, and I will show you ten who don’t like to be compelled to wear a bikini. My anger at the images of Muslim women forcibly being made to remove their clothing on the beaches of France as a backlash after the recent terror attacks, was matched by pleasure this week, with the images of the Muslim fashion designer, Anniesa Hasibuan who made history, as the first ever designer to feature hijabs (head scarf) in every outfit on a New York Fashion Week ramp. 

This, a month after Ibtihaj Muhammed from the American fencing team, who while wearing a hijab, won her Olympic medal. Growing up in Kuwait, my French and Arabic subject teacher who wore a hijab, was one of the first examples, I encountered of feminism, even when I had not learned the word. The way she carried herself spoke volumes through the layers she wore. 

Over the years, a lot of my school friends have taken on the hijab out of choice, to make a cultural statement against the pressure to not wear one. The social pressure, they say, on educated, working Muslim women to not wear a hijab by liberal friends and colleagues is almost as strong as the pressure to wear one by patriarchal, orthodox diktats.

A woman in a bikini may want to desperately save the woman in a burkini, but the woman in a burkini does not necessarily want to play into what she may see as a hyper-sexualized image. Women the world over are fighting to regain their rights to control their bodies, and are making their way differently in the world, sometimes, unimaginable to each other. 

Women with liberal values can have narrow political views, women with traditional values can have radical political views. The two are not mutually exclusive. Some ‘feminists’ after Qandeel Baloch’s murder in Pakistan, said she had no right to appropriate the term ‘feminist’ for herself. If a woman makes a choice –- to be objectified out of her own free will – and pays her bills, that is what the core of what the movement was all about.The choice to work in the home, or out of it, to not have a baby, or to have children, to cover up or take off, without apology.

A lot of ‘cool young women’, and, some not, so 'young and cool', do not use the word ‘feminist’. They don't mean to discount the path-breaking work of the feminists. But, to make the point, that the word, 'woman', suffices. Woman, is but, of course, equal. Another word, to defend it, is a choice, but, not necessary. 

Whether we choose to call ourselves 'feminists' or simply 'women', let’s not undermine the enormous power of a good woman, simply because she challenges our imagination of what she should be.

As Gloria Steinhem, says succinctly, ‘Feminism is about baking a new pie’. And, the woman in the kitchen, among other things, just bakes a yummier pie than the rest of us.

21st September, 2016

https://www.dailyo.in/voices/feminism-arundhati-roy-housewife-hijab-ibtihaj-muhammed-family/story/1/13011.html

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