The Feminine in Coaching ~ and not just for women

We are not often using the word 'feminine' in business. When we do use it, it comes with a whole lot of value judgments. I'll be inviting you to another perspective today.

Life as we know it, is made up out yin and yang elements. Like dark and light. Soft and hard. Together, they include the whole spectrum of our experience. And so do the masculine and the feminine. They are present in each one of us, and they are not the same as gender, or sexual orientation. We all live aspects of the masculine paradigm, and aspects of the feminine paradigm.

The Masculine is often presented to be concerned with: goal setting, order, planning, focus, taking control, the mind, predictable, structure, doing.

The Feminine is often presented as being about: relatedness, receptive, flow, emotion, body, intention, multi-tasking, chaotic, non-lineair, being.

Just seeing the words gives rise to a big sense of 'oh my, if you have to choose, in business, it's quite clear what you would go for'?

But is it?

The masculine paradigm is great for making project plans, analysing situations, determining action steps and accountability. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The problems start, when we think life works that way. That if we only have the plan, then that is what will happen. That is how we can *make* it happen. But how often does the project get finished according to plan? The house built in time? And yet we love living in that fantasy, and hold onto it.

But the other half of life happens too. And we are not used to dealing with it, other than trying to whip it into shape, so that it will fit the plan again. We misspend quite a lot of energy here.

We have, in our societies, built our progress on the masculine paradigm. But now we are starting to find it's edged of usefulness. But we have very few examples of how the Feminine creates in our human world. Even though it is a very very powerful source for creation and transformation.

Looking in nature, we can find examples. The way seeds grow into seedlings, into plants and majestic trees. Or the way our babies are conceived, carried and birthed. There is an intention to it, an order, and the circumstances need to be right. Humans can intervene, even kick-start the process when it comes to our off-spring, but it's not in our hands like the project plan is. (If you've ever dealt with a couple desperately trying to conceive, you know how far away from 'controllable' this process is).

So what has all this got to do with coaching?

Well, traditional coaching is firmly planted in the masculine paradigm. Take the GROW model by John Withmore for example, one of thousands out there, but one that has been hugely impactful. The model says we should determine our Goal, look at our Reality, then Obstacles and Opportunities to reaching that goal, determining in the Way foreward.

In essence, it does this:

It forces Life, with all it's turbulence and multi-layeredness and movement into a series of preconceived boxes. A simplification of reality, designed to help us manage the situation, take control and reach our goals. Sometimes it works. Often it takes a whole lot of frustration, when it comes to meaningful change.

So what could a model of coaching from the Feminine paradigm look like? It would need to include the possibility to set intention. Acknowledge the multi-layers that happen in anyone at anytime. Draw on the qualities that are an inherent part of chaos. Honour the body and it's wisdom. Support a process of growth and transformation that is cyclical and systemic, not lineair.

Doesn't that get very messy?

In Soul-based Coaching, we have a really good way of merging the two. And that looks somewhat like this:

• We offer a container, a space for the transformation to happen.
• We honour the client’s flow
• And guide it’s direction, using carefully designed (clean*) questions and an understanding of the systemic nature of change 
• As the body/mind/soul system will provide it’s own way to change in the desired direction

And all of this leads to the desired transformation. With ease.

It is a very different process than what you are used to. As a coach, you don't 'know' how the system will make it's changes. You cannot control it, but you can guide it. Your attention is on a very different level: by asking your 'clean' questions you are providing the river bed that guides the flow of shakti intelligence, of life force intelligence for your client.

And there is no greater force in humans, to create transformation.

~

This is highly likely something outside of your current experience. If you would like to explore Soul-based Coaching, and allowing the Feminine in Coaching to create, join us on Wednesday, January 18th, for a free online workshop (the last in this series): https://www.academyforsoulbasedcoaching.com/four-pillars-of-soulbased-coaching/