It Felt Like Death When I Left

When everything I had was an accumulation of what I had earned, it felt like death. After achieving everything I yearned for, death was guaranteed. After all, I had never fully loved, but if only for the false feelings sought out and uncovered in my traversing a successful career. The awards, accolades, and esteem given in the short term by those emotions promulgated initially in childhood. I still cry for what I had and inceded continually in my career. I had lived a dead life for so long that it was only in my external dissolution that I saw my light. I received my bonus and applause and it was only after my fall that I could stand up straight, with my head up high and for the right reason– a victorious one– myself. It felt like a death when I left because I had never fully arrived. The long weekends consumed, the days drawn out, the focus on other people’s problems, I was a victim. I was caught up in the social construction I believe was success; my vision was not clear. My vision came to me when I left and, in the end, redemption comes to those who are willing to let go and reflect. My courage sought the proper path, but I decided to die and become reborn. If you are lost and cannot be found, let my journey be your case against the enemy who enslaves you down. I call him the ego, but you may have your own choice words and when you are ready to fall, he will be there to catch you but do not relent. Just know, it felt like a death when I left.

CP