Feels Like Home

I am often asked how how do you know you're in love? I cannot answer that question for anyone except me. But while I have loved many times in my life, I have only truly been I love once, and it feels like home. 

So many of us try to put love into words. Others try and define love by ones actions. I have found it's a feeling. Like nothing else matters. That you belong and that you are safe. Trying to put it into words only impedes the feeling. I think for me, if I had to try and describe it, I think I would assume that's it's not love. 

Many years ago when I met my wife, I gave her a key to my house and a card that said welcome home within the first week of meeting her. Within a month, I told her that we would be married within a year. I remember friends of mine saying I should have her sign a pernup before we got married. I was pretty well off, but the thought never enter my mind. She just felt like home. A decade later when the market crashed and we lost everything {including our 7 houses} and were forced to declare bankruptcy, she did not bat an eye. Instead of her complaining about our loss, she said what can I do to help get us back on track? Again, this feels like home. A few years later, and many surgeries that she has endured, not once did I blink when it came time to take care of her. And now that she is permanently disabled, my focus is her. Everything else takes a back seat. 

I think the question of love is something that only you can answer. That said, I see that question in the same light when someone ask if they think their partner is cheating? I recall some years ago a study was conducted on that very question. Approximately 80% of women who suspected that their significant other was cheating, turned out they were correct. {Men were correct about 50% of the time.} The point I bring up is that if you have to ask, there are already problems. Meaning that they might not be cheating, but if you suspect they are, how stable is the relationship at that moment? Likewise, if you have to ask if you're in love, perhaps you're not.

I truly do believe that the concept of love is unique to each individual. For me it is the feeling of home. Not once in the 16 years that I have been together with my wife did I question my/our love. Does that invalidate anyone else's love? Of course not. I think we must tune in to how we feel and block out all that external noise to find that answer. Because for me it has always been about what I feel. 

Close your eyes. Envision your relationship. What do you feel? What image do you hold? Does your body feel tight or relaxed? When you make a decision, do you naturally include your partner in that process? Or, do they not even factor in? Does the future with your partner excite or scare you? 

The truth is that love is going to feel very different for most of us. What does it feel like for you? Because when I am asked. Three simple words come to mind. Feels like home.