Feeling Unheard or Misunderstood? Figuring out why your voice isn't as effective as it could be

In my early years of undergrad, I consistently felt like I would speak.... and nothing would come out. My voice went into the atmosphere and seemed to evaporate more quickly than a sanitation wipe.

No one listened. Even if I happened to get acknowledged, I'd rarely be heard. The group would move forward in the project, feeding off of each other's energy. Frustrated and resentful at the exclusion, I'd push forward boldly. I'd keep repeating myself firmly, trying to cut back into the conversation where possible. until my short tone would completely lose the group... Clearly, something was wrong.

It took me many years to realize that the issue wasn't 100% due to other people not listening. The hard truth was-- I needed to learn how to communicate better.

It took me a few years to realize that being bold isn't always best. Just because I knew I had a voice, it didn't mean I knew how to use it effectively.

It also took me a few years to realize that being bold isn't always best. Just because I knew I had a voice, it didn't mean I knew how to use it effectively. It was time to dig deep and figure out how I could reach my effective voice.

As Part One of my #VoiceJourney series, I share the 4 things that helped me assess why my voice wasn't as effective as it could be. My hope is that these tips can help you trace the foundations of your effective voice.

1. Break It Down:

Triage where the communication disconnect is happening. Were you flustered or anxious? Was it not the best environment for discussion? Did you have the other person's full attention?

Write down moments where you felt unheard or not understood. Most likely, you'll see some patterns in where the disconnects are happening. Analyze these patterns and reflect on what factors went in to making these patterns pop up time and time again. For me, my pattern was repeating everything I said with increasing sternness which, understandably, turned people off from listening to anything I said.

2. Listen and Learn

It's important to me that you first tell yourself, "I am not a bad communicator!" Effective communication is a learned skill-- not a guaranteed one. Use your patterns to assess communication strengths and weaknesses. Listen to your gut on why communication attempts have been ineffective in the past.?

Reflection is a continuous process! After every major communication moment (emails, meetings, presentations), I debrief with myself or those whose opinion I trust. The reflection process will also look different for everyone, so your personal process may be different than mine.?

3. Reflect and Relay

Once a weakness or pattern is recognized, practice past scenarios in the mirror. This can feel silly or vulnerable, but the best way to grow is to physically practice how to be better.

Anxious? Repeat your original idea and work through why you were anxious sharing it originally.

Not firm or sure enough? Practice stating your idea and rationale in a firm, confident tone until you believe it yourself.

Don't forget-- Practice makes progress!

4. Timing is Everything

Is it your communication style or is it your communicating timing?

A communication priority for you may not be a communication priority for someone else. Being conscientious of someone else's workload can help you to determine when to share or request information.

Examples to avoid include dropping a request at 4:50 PM on a Friday or bringing up business not included on the meeting agenda. Recognizing your best timeframe for being heard by others is a powerful way to regain influence and your effective voice.

Found these helpful? Subscribe to the BoldRx Communications newsletter to read Part Two in our January 18th newsletter.

Did you like this list of tips? Please give @HaleyMcKeefeRx a follow on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn! A simple like, comment, or reshare means the world to me. Have an idea you'd like to share on the BoldRx platform? Reach out to [email protected]. I'd love to work with you!