The feeling of uncertainty comes from the feeling of the unknown

Humans are creatures of habit and we crave security in our lives. In the past 6 weeks, Covid-19 has dramatically increased the level of uncertainty people have about their physical and mental health, the economy, employment, finances and relationships.

As we move through this process other emotions start to fill our heads like stress, anxiety and disconnect and it is normal to struggle to see the way forward.

Every person has different resilience to uncertainty. Some people thrive off the challenge of ‘going with the flow’ and take it as it comes, whereas others need the plan and process of long term goal setting. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty it is important to know that you are not alone. There are small steps that you can take each day to deal with these uncontrollable circumstances and face uncertainty head-on and with confidence.

What do you do next when you have no idea what next is?

Well, it is all about learning to balance the negative emotions with positive ones. If you can remember a time before Covid-19 you will remember that you have always dealt with moments of uncertainty, you cannot control everything that happens to you. The Covid-19 outbreak has shown us that things can change rapidly and you may be struggling to do things now that were easy before - like paying your rent, feeding your family and keeping yourself safe.

You may be anxious about when life will return back to normal and when you no longer need to worry about social distancing and have confidence when you leave your house.

To cope with this anxiety, your brain injects you with the feeling of worry and we use this as a way to take back control. I mean surely, if you sit there and think about the problem, every potential thing that could happen because of that problem, ask all of your family and friends what they would do if they had that problem and google opinions from strangers you are able to control the outcome right? 

Sadly no. Worrying does not give you any more control over a situation. Instead, it is a sponge of your time, energy and ability to enjoy the moment you are in.

So what does give you more control? 

It is all in your Mindset and how you train that wonderful brain of yours to cope when thrown into the deep end. It is a mixture of a few small steps every day to train your brain to attack problems with confidence instead of worry. 

You can train your brain by

• Focusing on controlling the things that you can control
• Challenge your need for certainty
• Focus on the present 
• Accept the uncertainty but have a plan

Focus on what you can control:

Now you may be thinking nothing in your control and in some ways that might be right. You cannot control the spread of the virus, the recovery of the economy or how much is in your paycheck next week, if there is even a paycheck at all.

If you spend all your time worrying about the things you cannot control is when you start to spiral, so shifting focus to things you can control will help you see through the uncertainty.

For example, if your workplace has had to close which means that you have lost your job and income, that is out of your control but what you can control is what you do next.

Spend that time searching for work, writing your resume and networking with contacts. It is also a time to re-evaluate your budget and see what areas you are covered and what arrangements you may need to make to support your lifestyle.

This is where you are moulding your brain to focus on what you can control and feel positive about that instead of being in the downward spiral of stress and worry. Moulding your brain this way teaches you to automatically problem-solve instead of panic.

And hey, if all you can do is shift your mindset to think it is all going to be okay, that is a win too. Sometimes things are a marathon and not a sprint.

Challenge your need for Certainty

I must at this point confess that I once had the need for constant certainty. Most people live their 20’s in a state with the motto ‘being young wild and free’ this was not me.

I can think of many times over the last 10 years where I had to have the need to be certain before making decisions and I had a genuine fear of making the wrong choice or that my choice might hurt another person’s feelings. I really struggled to move forward and grow, and this at times would leave me frozen.

My constant worry about what came next created a few unhealthy habits which took some time to break. 

I had a constant need of reassurance from others. I always found that I would be talking to people about their views on my problem so I had validation of my choices and if it was the wrong one I could justify in my brain that someone told me to do it and remove the accountability from myself. I had a mindset of ‘I will just do it all myself’ and micromanagement - at home and at work. It is easier to do things myself because then I do it right the first time. I would then get frustrated at the lack of relaxation time I had due to this. I even would try to micromanage people's personalities so that they would adapt to what is easier for me to manage instead of creating my own strategies on how I could deal with the different mindsets. 

“I can’t do that because of this” this is the lie I would tell myself.

“You can’t leave the job that you don’t enjoy cause you only have skills in this one line of work”.

“You can’t say no to hanging out with someone who is not very nice to you because it will hurt their feelings”

I spent a lot of time doing things that I did not want to do or would make my anxiety worse until one day I took the plunge; changed my job and spent time with people who lifted me up, which started me on the road I am on now. I am still learning all the time but here are a few things I do to get comfortable with Uncertainty.

1. It all comes down to Pro’s and Con’s

Yes, life can throw some serious curve balls which can change things pretty quickly like redundancy, illness or losing a loved one but there can also be some really positive things that land in your lap too. A dream job offer, a pay rise or even a call from someone you have not heard from in a while. These opportunities often arise from the unexpected place and the bad ones too. When things happen it is you who puts them into the positive box or the negative one. Try to add more things to your positive box than your negative. 

This helps you to adapt, grow, overcome challenges and increase your resiliency in the hard times. It helps you to become a stronger person.

 2. Realising that you will never be 100% certain about life.

Have you met one person who is doing exactly what their young self thought they would be doing now? I know that I haven't. This does not mean that people aren’t reaching their goals, it just means that their goals have changed as time moves on. Behaviours like worrying, micromanaging, and procrastinating offer this idea that you have control over a situation. The truth is no matter how much you try to plan and prepare for every possible outcome, life will find a way of surprising you. Spending all your time striving for certainty might make you miss the good things. 

3. Control where your brain and thoughts go.

If it was 5 years ago that I heard that New Zealand was going into Level 4 lockdown which meant that my partner (our family breadwinner) would not be able to work for 4 weeks, I would have gone straight to a worst-case scenario. I would picture us not being able to afford food, being kicked out of our home and him needing to close his business. 

I am so grateful that this happened to me now, as my first reaction was to sit for a moment and think about what the good things were. I was lucky enough to have full-time employment, he had time to do all the jobs I needed him to do around the house and thought that there were people out there having a much harder time than myself, fueled me to stay positive and grateful.

When the tough times and the curveballs come your way it’s your choice what reaction you have and challenging your mind to go to a positive and grateful place over a negative and worrying place is up to you. Next time you feel pressure and anxiety building up, sit for a minute and think of those silver linings. I promise that it will make the next steps of problem-solving and looking forward easier. 

Focus on the present

Most of the time uncertainty is focussed on the worries of the future and the bad things that ‘could happen’. I once read that anxiety is trying to convince you that you don’t have time for the things that make you feel less anxious. This takes your mind to a whole other place that is not on what problems you can solve today. One of the easiest ways I do this is to connect with the present and stop the movie that is getting made up in my mind to focus on what is really happening.

When you feel those worrying thoughts start to invade your brain, sit for a moment and think of what you can hear, smell, touch and see. It is one minute to just ground you and bring you back to the present.

Other easy ways that you can achieve these moments is by moving your body, getting a good night's rest, eating healthy food and meditating. All things which my Be Intent app reminds me to do throughout the day. 

Accept the uncertainty while still having a plan

I wish there was a way you could learn to accept uncertainty and change without having to go through some hard stuff but there isn’t. I also wish that it was something you could master after a few attempts which it is also not. The reality is that life will always throw you hurdles but take each one as a growing opportunity. I am not saying just throw yourself into the unknown and hope for the best. I still have a rainy day fund, talk things through with people when I need too and even at times have to sit and have a cry when it all feels too hard but because of these steps I changed my definition of ‘crisis’ and can confront uncertainty head-on.

Take it from a recovering gal who was terrified of the unknown. You can do it and it does get easier. 

Stick with it, You can do it.