Feeling Stuck? Check Your Baggage & Change Your Personal Narrative
When I quit my job in order to run my coaching practice full-time, it was really hard. It still isn’t easy. Early on, though, I made the commitment to start every day with an attitude of gratitude and the determination to make a positive difference in my clients’ lives. I recommit to this purpose every single day. My daily gratitude habit is at the end of the day to list 3 things I am grateful for happening and write about positive and impactful moments. Every morning, I start the day looking at my list from the previous evening. I let a positive word come to mind and use it as my intention for the day, a compass of sorts, to orient myself to behave the way I want to show up in the world no matter what curveballs life throws at me.
Since October 7th, it has become increasingly difficult to maintain a positive mindset and mental wellbeing amidst the wave of global hatred directed against Jews, my people. Yes, it does feel personal.
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has rumbled on for seven decades. It is just one of the world’s longest-running conflicts, but it seems to be the only one to really get the world’s attention. The heart-wrenching truth is that there is no end in sight as children are raised into the deeply ingrained patterns of intergenerational trauma and hatred. The Palestinians and the Israelis are equally?deserving?of the full protection of their human rights and physical security. Both Hamas and Netanyahu’s cabinet fail their people. Hamas using them as human shields in Jihad, and Netanyahu and his minions ruling by pure ego and pure greed. However, we cannot ignore the state of chaos and corruption around the world: the axis of evil including Iran, Russia, North Korea and China as well as the failure of democracies to present worthy leaders; e.g.; having a convicted felon run for president in the USA.
Hateful leaders create wars using fear mongering tactics to pit people against each other. To give peace a chance, we must overcome hate. Hate is the ultimate virus infecting the very essence of humanity and civilized society. It may seem that as individuals we may be powerless when dealing with the world’s megalomaniacs, but I firmly believe that overcoming hate starts with each one of us. Old paradigms in history die hard. It is up to us, the people in the trenches, to keep striving for love, kindness and coexistence.
In a world that is always awash with stories, it becomes increasingly harder to spot false narratives and find the truth. When we do not activate our moral compass, we become blinded to true evils. What are the values you uphold, the standards by which you want to live? Now, more than ever, we must ignite and follow our moral compass (not partisan loyalty) in order to build a better world for our children.
Problems cannot be solved when we are still weighed down by the heavy emotional baggage that created those problems in the first place. While we have no control over the world’s problems: global warming, economic disparities, traffic, politics, wars, terrorism, and other people’s behavior, we have agency, freedom, and choice in cultivating our own garden and growing what we want in it.
As you think about the change you want to see in the world, bolster up the courage to create the space to explore and unpack your emotional baggage in order to be free to live in a way that’s true to yourself and to your values.
3 Strategies to Unpack Emotional Baggage to Get Unstuck and Move Forward:
#1 Build Your Discomfort Tolerance
Tolerance is on a?continuum?when it comes to the ability to deal with discomfort and withstand the uncomfortable. Life will present you with circumstances and people that will test your patience and tolerance. The key to personal and professional growth is broadening your tolerance, becoming more tolerant and accepting and less ignorant. However, if you tolerate everything, you wind up standing for nothing. You must get clear on your values and operating principles and which behaviors you will not accept nor allow into your life. Cultivate a spirit of tolerance but be vigilant and stand firm against hateful and intolerant attitudes. The practice of tolerance starts from within. When you feel uncomfortable point the finger inward. Take the time to reflect on how baggage from your past shows up in the present moment. Doing that will help you keep situations in perspective and allow you to try responding in a new way. Tolerance (physical, mental, and emotional) enhances resilience. And resilience is the key to navigating challenges and powering onward, bouncing back stronger than before.
Ask: if the situation is not likely to change how can I empower myself to deal with it with grace and confidence?
#2 Tune-in with the Spirit of Curiosity
Curiosity is the antidote to fear and anxiety. The spirit of inquiry helps us explore, discover, and understand the world and people around us. It is a practical way to embrace the unknown, uncertainty, and any discomfort we might have when unwanted, disappointing and difficult things occur. To move through difficult situations, we can engage curiosity. Not knowing provides the freedom and opportunity to meet ourselves with fresh eyes. It’s easy to stick to what we know, the familiar feels safe. When we are willing to engage our curiosity and explore the unknown, we expand our range of choices and can access a broader array of opportunities. The limit to our possibilities is the excuses we use today. It’s almost impossible to be both afraid and curious at the same time. When we allow ourselves to sit with the uncomfortable and get curious about the things that come up, especially the fears, the concerns, and the baggage, we can then look past them and create the space for change. Practicing curiosity gives as perspective on our self-narrative, the stories we tell ourselves. It’s our courageous “yes” to living a life we love.
Ask: What are the facts of the situation? What new ideas can I explore and discover? How can I harness the power of curiosity to get unstuck?
#3 Pay Attention to Your Intention
As with most goals, being consistently intentional is what drive results. Breathe fresh AIR into your goal: Attention + Intention = Results.
Pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself. We become the stories we tell. Be intentional in working to change your limiting stories. Redirect your attention to act with intention, to live your life through the lens you put front and center. Intentional attention is a proactive process involving using attention to understand what is driving your decisions and to be able to act with intention to get more of what you want in your life. Instead of being stuck on a problem, shift your energy toward what you can create for yourself. And when all else fails, stick to love and kindness. This muscle is stronger in some people than in others. But you can grow it stronger with practice. Frustration is a heavy burden to bear. Stick to compassion, kindness, and love.
Ask: How can I be more loving and kinder towards myself and others?
When you feel that emotional baggage is holding you back, know that you have the power to release trapped emotions and change your personal narrative. On the other side of fear and frustration there’s freedom patiently waiting for you to boldly claim it.