Feeling separate is an optical delusion.

Many of us walk through life wearing lenses we don’t even know we’re wearing. They distort our vision, making us believe in separateness, in "me" versus "you," and “us” versus “them”. And even in extreme cases, “me” versus “them”, times when you feel isolated and separate from the world. I think it happens to all of us sometimes, and these boundaries can seem so real they feel like truth. Since you read my works, I know that you’re a thinker, and I imagine that you have questioned if those boundaries are no more than illusions. The feeling of separation, which everyone feels in one way or another, is just an optical (and conceptual) trick, a mirage born from your own mind.

Consider the moments when you’ve felt alone, disconnected, or misunderstood, or when you felt like anyone else was so incredibly “different” from you. Those feelings can feel visceral and can cause you to feel like you are disconnected, or even in full opposition to others. But the world doesn’t isolate and doesn’t divide, it simply is what it is. I know, what a profound statement, but it is true. The separation you feel is a product of your perception, a story your brain tells you to try to make sense of a world that’s too vast and complex to fully understand.

You are not a solo unit existing in any kind of void, no matter what your life may look like at any given time. You are a thread in a web so intricately woven that its strands cannot be seen. Think of your breath. Every inhale is an exchange with the trees, and every exhale feeds them in return. The air you breathe now was once inside someone else, perhaps on the other side of the planet. Even the ground beneath your feet connects you to the roots of an ancient forest, to the minerals of the Earth, to the past and future of this spinning planet. Separation? It’s quite literally impossible.

I know that your senses tell a different story. Your eyes tell you where your body ends and the world begins. Your skin reinforces that boundary, defining, “This is you, and that is not.” But your senses can deceive. If you’ve ever been startled by a shadow that wasn’t there, or woke up from a dream with every cell in your body reacting as though it had been real, you know this to be true. What you see, and even what you feel, is not always what is.

When you truly pay attention, the veil begins to lift. You notice how deeply connected you are, how your actions ripple out in ways you cannot measure. A kind word spoken to a stranger might shift their entire day, which might shift the way they treat someone else, and so on, endlessly. You are a participant in a highly interconnected system, not an isolated observer.

The delusion of separateness creates so much of the suffering you experience. It can be what makes you believe you must carry your burdens alone. It’s what makes you feel envious or judgmental of others, forgetting their struggles mirror your own. It’s what creates walls where there should be bridges.

But when you lean into connection, everything shifts. You feel it when you lock eyes with someone and see yourself in them. You feel it when the sun warms your skin, reminding you that the same energy fuels all life. You feel it in moments of love, of loss, of laughter, when the illusion of separation melts away, and you realize that to be alive is to be part of something infinitely larger than yourself.

So, what do you do with this realization? You let it change you. You let it soften your edges and dissolve the lines your mind draws between you and the world. You begin to see how small acts of kindness, compassion, and awareness echo far beyond what you can imagine. You stop asking, “Where do I end and others begin?” and start knowing that the question itself is flawed.

Of course you know that I’m going to look at this delusion/illusion through the lens of your brain!? Your brain evolved to perceive boundaries—between you and the world, between self and other, you are wired to see yourself as distinct. It’s a survival mechanism, finely tuned throughout human existence. The paradox is that the very wiring that keeps you safe also tricks you into believing the lie of separation. Feeling separate is an optical delusion created by your brain’s shortcuts, an illusion that neuroscience is unraveling.

Your brain’s need to categorize sets the foundation for this illusion. The sensory information flooding into your mind every moment can be overwhelming—sights, sounds, smells, interactions, tastes, all of it. To make sense of it, your brain sorts and simplifies, creating distinctions like “me” and “not me.” This division feels real because it’s efficient.?

Your prefrontal cortex, your Guru, the part of your brain responsible for self-awareness, plays a big role here. It generates a mental model of you—your perceived and self-defined identity, your goals, and your sense of your place in the world. This model is vital. Without it, you wouldn’t understand how to navigate your environment. But the model is also flawed. It’s built on assumptions, many of which emphasize separateness to prioritize survival.

Consider your sense of self. It feels constant, doesn’t it? But neuroscience shows it’s not. Your perception of yourself is a dynamic process, not fixed at all. Your brain constantly updates your identity based on new experiences, relationships, and contexts. But this fluid process is presented to you as something solid and unchanging because it’s easier for your brain to operate from that premise.

Think about empathy. Your brain is equipped with mirror neurons—specialized cells that activate both when you do something and when you watch someone else do the same. When you see someone cry, those neurons fire as if you are the one crying. Your brain doesn’t just observe others; it can feel with them, which blurs the line between self and others. In those moments, the illusion of separation cracks, and you can witness the deeper truth of connection.

Neuroscience reveals pathways out of the delusion of separation. Meditate, slow down, take a walk and truly notice your surroundings. You start to see how interconnected everything is—there’s truly no way to miss it. I feel sometimes that as humans we are losing the ability to pause in genuinely deep ways that would allow us to see how everything is connected. I think of the trees and their incredible mycelial roots, the electrical signals they are able to send to one another, so that they learn, recognize, and care for each other, providing what is needed through their connected network. I hope that people will begin to practice more of the community networking that clearly works so well in nature.

When you understand the brain’s role in creating the illusion of separateness, you begin to see the bigger picture. The boundaries your brain perceives are useful but not absolute. You are not just “you”, an isolated individual; you are a link in a vast, interconnected network. What you do (and don’t do!) affects others, just as what others do affects you, in ways your conscious mind will never fully see.

Feeling separate is an optical delusion, but it’s not one you’re doomed to believe forever. The more you understand your brain, the more you can transcend its limitations. You can train yourself to notice the threads of connection woven into every aspect of your life. And as you do, I hope you know completely that you are never truly alone, and that there are no “others.”?

As much as our world is thriving, it also needs some deep healing. Check out my book on how to facilitate your own healing in a way that supports your dreams and all that you are trying to accomplish. May it be a tool to fuel your success! Get your copy of: The Secrets to Healing HC