Feeling Resilient? A practical model for building resilience

Resilience is a critical characteristic that sets certain people and organizations apart. Resilience is within us all. Our ability to be able to respond to a set-back, get through it and come back stronger, demonstrates strong resilience. We’ve all likely experienced set-backs personally and professionally, for different reasons, to different extents and likely we’ve gotten through some situations more effectively than others, perhaps in different ways and on different timelines. 

If we haven’t had to deal with tragedy, we know multiple people who have. Why are we more resilient in one situation over another? Why do some people seem unbreakable, when we feel incredibly vulnerable? The reality is – have we had the opportunity to reflect and review what has worked and what hasn’t? Because, although resilience is just one word, it encompasses so many more. Thus, in an effort to demystify resilience based upon my own experiences, I have knocked up a simple model. I hope it can help you identify for yourself, friends, family or even for organizations you’re involved with, the how to strengthen your resilience.

As part of my monthly series of thinking, feeling, saying, doing; today, I’m feeling resilient! I feel super lucky I never have had to deal with tragedy with a loved one or immediate family member. I know so many people who have, and over time they’ve all come out stronger. I have however had some major personal setbacks involving other forms of heartbreak that took me from being on top of the world to the bottom of the cliff. Also, material professional challenges of leading an organization close to the edge of existence, despite being incredibly impactful. Of course, at times these set-backs have occurred simultaneously. Resilience is the thing that has gotten me through – having to demonstrate it to myself first, then to others within my organization and then to build it within the foundations of the organization, itself (which as anyone in the non-profit space knows, is a continuous challenge).

In all circumstances, the process, context, catalysts and drivers have the same, hence the model. The model attempts to break resilience down into four themes, each with respective focus areas:

1. Context: Experience, Mindset, Resources
2. Catalysts: Learning, Leading, Teaming
3. Drivers: Meaning, Focus, Destination
4. Process: Action, Character, Purpose, Intuition

Building Resilience - a practical model

1 Context:

Every set-back has context based upon our past experiences, mindset and resources available to us-

I. Experience: We are defined by our actions and experiences. How we behave (act and react) determines the experiences we have. Those experiences create memories and provide context for how we view both the current moment and our future potential. Making the most of every moment and acting in a way we’re proud of, takes practice. Like a brand, our experiences are founded in our values and beliefs. If you haven’t defined yours, it’s worth doing. Values and beliefs (or principles) provide a great framework through which to consistently make the best decisions you can in any given moment. I explored consciousness & moments in November through 4 articles which looked at the ABCs, identify, intent & connections (last one here). It’s worth being aware of the moment, as every moment is different and yet may determine the next. Also, accepting moments for what they are can be key to resilience. It’s ok to grieve, be upset, be sad, be angry, hurt, it is what it is- let it be. It’s hard enough to experience these emotions, let alone trying to fight them. 

II. Mindset:

I say all the time how challenges are opportunities. They may not always feel that way in the moment but at some point if we can frame them that way, we’re looking for the positives we can take-away. Having a positive mindset is a critical component in being resilient. I wrote about 7 components to Mindset and Mastery here  which, in summary, go through perseverance, awareness, belief, practice, play, incremental gains, review and reflection. Also, how to strengthen mental wellness is here. Maintaining a “can-do, I will mindset” is perhaps one of the most powerful tools we have in our tool box.

 III. Resources:

As an individual, what assets do we have at our disposal that we can employ? What are our physical, mental, spiritual, financial & social assets that we can draw upon and combine to build the foundational strength to make the most of a major set-back? Different resources are applied in different ways throughout the resilience process. It’s the same for an organization - just across different functions. Resources may include financial, operational, HR, partnerships, products, customers, marketing, etc.

Regardless of whether it’s personal or professional - they key is to first understand what resources you have. You may surprise yourself. So, make a resource list. This will help you draw upon what’s there and also identify areas you may want to fill in, over time.

2 Catalysts:

Catalysts help accelerate our progression through the resilience process-

I. Learning: we all have the opportunity to reflect and learn from our experiences and on those of others, to improve our capacity to overcome set-backs. There are tons of resources out there from books and articles to TedTalks. The key with learning is to act upon it. So once you learn something, write it down / document it and jot down how you will apply it, going forward. How does it connect to your values and beliefs framework?

II. Leading: leading starts with self-leadership- how we influence ourselves to achieve our desired outcomes. What can we control, what can we influence, how can we best nudge those forward in the right direction? How can we employ others in this process, inspiring them with direction, supporting them with skills & resources, defining their next steps, recognizing and rewarding progress?

III. Teaming: we cannot do it alone, nor do we have to. Who can be on our support team? How can they contribute, what value can they add? Robert Wicks in "Bounce: Living the Resilient Life" refers to four types of people in our support team - prophets (point out what we're doing right or wrong), cheerleaders (unconditional love, support, acceptance), harassers (make us laugh and gain perspective), guides (show us the way). As with any team, it's about having a mix of these characters, a mix of personalities & strengths - it's about the entire team around you, not any one individual.

3 Drivers: 

Drivers motivate us, fueling & connecting the push and pull throughout the process- 

I. Meaning: what do we care about and why? What is it that provides these things or people with meaning? If we love someone, what specifically is it about them we love? What do / did they believe in, how did they treat others, how did they make us feel and why, what values did they live by? If they’re no longer socially or physically in our lives, which of these things can we bring into our own lives ourselves, or through connection to others? I for one have learned a lot about overcoming adversity from other people I have cared about, who have done so themselves. Equally, I have learnt as much about being grateful for everything I have in my life. These are just two examples of traits I have been inspired by from others who were close to me that I now embrace regularly in my own life. What are some equivalents for you? Embracing these traits honors their source, regardless of their physical presence.

II. Focus: focus is the glue between our meaning - what drives us, to our destination - where we want to be. So, focus on what matters, don’t sweat the small stuff; ask: 1) do you care about it; 2) does it get you closer to your destination? We only have time and energy to live through, so choose to focus both on the areas that hit both your meaning and destination postcards.

III. Destination: destination can be a place, a lifestyle, a feeling, a state of mind- whatever you want it to me. You’ll likely have more than one, just ensure they are aligned or at least complimentary. The destination dictates your direction and the meaning will fuel your journey while your focus keeps you on the most effective course.

4 Process (system): 

With the above three areas as background, we can apply then to the actual process of resilience - to act, adapt and rebuild. Each of these stages requires particular character traits, driven by purpose and informed by intuition (which we develop over time)-

I. Action:

A) React - in the moment when a major set back happens, all we can do is react in the best way possible. In a threatening situation our animal instinct (fight, flight, freeze) may take over; in a moment of loss, we may experience shock- a kind of physical & emotional numbing experience that enables us to cope with something that otherwise could be literally too hard to process. Our ability to react without long-term negative repercussions is made up of many contextual factors. However, we just have to do our best and not fight the moment, rather to embrace it and then reflect on it.

B) Adapt - once we have reflected, we can start to adapt. What small changes can we make to change our course towards our destination? What resources can we apply, what team-mates can we engage with? One step at a time.

C) Rebuild - rebuilding is about a new beginning. Having made the most of the current reality it’s time to move on, to improve, to recreate a life / situation / partnership that is better that before the set-back struck. We have learnt, we have applied new skills, we have built a team, we have employed our resources- in essence- we’re stronger now than we were before, so stronger should mean better!

II. Character

A) GRIT -our strength of character gets us through the reacting phase. We appreciate it may be brutal but we know it’s also temporary. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel and we’ll do whatever it takes (within our principles) to get there.

B) Positivity - as we start to adapt, we can start to catch the positive. Incremental changes and improvements, move us one step closer every day. Problem solving, we start seeing challenges as opportunities and start talking a positive narrative to ourselves and others, to support our continued progress. Even if we take steps back, we’re already so many further steps forward, so we keep on going forward.

C) Perseverance - after a while of incremental change, we need to drive harder. Otherwise, the curve starts to flatten and in order to take things to a different level, we have to push harder. We apply the exact same context, catalysts and drivers- just maybe more or different ones, as now incremental now isn’t enough. Now it’s about getting from better to best - our ideal state. No point slowing down as we’re coming into the home straight. We’ve been training and competing hard - it’s now the mental toughness that’s going to get us on to the podium.

III. Purpose

A) Survive: as we react to our major set back, we’re just trying to survive. We don’t need to achieve anything else because without achieving this, nothing else matters. So, whatever works for you, works. You may be able to learn and adapt your reactions over time with experience but don’t go to hard on yourself here. Do what you need to do.

B) Solve: once we start adapting, we’re problem solving. We're not ok with the status quo, feeling sorry for ourselves, putting our lives on hold, we’re better than that. We can honor the situation and still improve it. 

C) Thrive: if we can problem solve, we can thrive. Thriving requires a combination of character traits but so many of these we have learnt through getting to the solving stage, so why stop there if we can thrive? We may not thrive in all areas of our life at the same time but we can enjoy and celebrate those areas we are thriving in, and apply what worked to other areas. 

IV. Intuition

A) Instinct - during the react phase, much of how we feel and act is instinctual. We’ve either been there before or it just is what it is- beyond conscious thought. Roll with it, then learn from it for next time.

B) Insight - by reflecting on our experiences, learning from others, applying our resources, we are able to identify insights into a better way forward. Also, to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps for the first time, no longer feeling lost (here) but having direction and purpose.

C) Inspiration - the inspiration comes from wanting to fly through the end of the tunnel way into the fresh air and light, not just to reach the end. We see a better future, re-frame our current reality and start pooling resources, focus and energy to accelerate our progress. We find inspiration by looking for it, believing in it, following it, living it and leading through it - more on inspiration, here.

So, despite all the verbiage above, my model for building resilience is pretty simple. Take another quick look at it. It doesn't mean that building resilience itself is easy - far from it. Rather, by understanding all the component parts, hopefully it becomes easier. Be strong, be courageous, be better, be you.

For 2018 I’m writing about things I’m thinking, feeling, saying and doing - and why - whether in the present or from the past. This makes my writing real and relevant (to me at least) as a way to refine and process my thoughts. I hope also it’s an easy, engaging & meaningful resource for you that could even save you some time & energy if you’re in a similar situation. Professionally, I'm working towards achieving long-term sustainable impact through Play Rugby USA & Vita Sports Partners. Personally to be free to be me - my best self. The motivation for all my endeavors is to inspire people to live life with vitality & purpose. Please reach out to learn more or to get involved. 

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@MarkGriffRugby @VitaSportUSA @PlayRugbyUSA

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