Feeling Out of Control

How often do you question or doubt your actions? You seem to do everything right and work very hard, but success is not just coming to you. Is it all about you, or is there another force in play that may affect you and your situation? I think many factors are influencing the story of your life. And while some factors may be unique to each of us, there is a set of circumstances that is always in play and exists beyond our control.

What We Can Control

For example, I can certainly control the strength of my punch when boxing, but there is no way I can control how strong my opponent does that. And if the opponent turns out to punch harder and faster, I may feel frustrated and defeated because I thought I trained a lot and seemed to be at the peak of my athletic performance.

I remember the moment in my life when I felt defeated and frustrated exactly because I thought I did everything right and worked so hard, but only to become a ‘victim’ of the circumstances. Before I share the story, I should point out that originally, I come from a Russian/Ukrainian background.

A Little of History

At the time, when I was finishing high school in Ukraine, I was the top student to achieve academic excellence. Just to give you an idea of how tough our knowledge and skills were evaluated in schools at that time, I should point out that while I was the best among my classmates and even in the entire high school, I was nominated by my classroom teacher to receive only the Silver, not Gold, Medal (the American equivalent of getting Honors) as I had a couple of Bs among other As in the final school transcript.

So, I was heading towards my award. I was super excited, and all students, parents of the students, and teachers in my school were buzzing about my achievement. It was not only me who was getting ready to receive that Medal, but all my classmates and teachers, too. There came the day of graduation. I was lined up first to come out in front of the entire school and guests to receive my Silver Medal. To the surprise of all present and my dismay, I was called to receive a regular school diploma and no Medal.

What We Cannot Control

As it turned out a couple of days later, school politics interfered with the process. My classroom teacher had some disagreement with the Head of School on the eve of my graduation day. To revenge my classroom teacher for disagreeing with the Headmistress and make her suffer somehow (because she was the only one whose student was receiving a Silver Medal that year in the entire school), the School Head revoked my award. As a result, I was crying my eyes out in my room at home, feeling sorry for myself, and did not go to the Graduation Ball; my classroom teacher, while she attempted to persuade the Headmistress to change her decision, felt it was her fault I did not get the medal; and the headmistress got her revenge.

It Happens to the Best of Us

Recently, I read an article that made me think of that story I lived through- and I am sure you may share similar ones as well. You are welcome to read the article, but I give a short overview here. Not so long ago, France signed a multibillion-dollar defense deal with the Australian government, according to which Australia should buy nuclear-power submarines. France started the production and sold a few to Australia, but suddenly withdrew the deal, canceled it just like that. The reason is that the American and British governments made a new offer to buy submarines from them instead of France. For whatever reasons, Australia could not refuse. France was left there just like me, feeling furious and frustrated.

The story is not just about what is fair. It is more about our desire to control things. Sometimes, there are things in our life which we simply cannot control. I could not control the relationship between my classroom teacher and school Headmistress. France could not control the influence of the American and British governments over the Australian government. However, it does not mean at all that I should have stopped believing in my ability to excel and be better, just like France should continue to believe that they may get a better client than Australia for the submarines.

In business, leaders also may feel powerless and hence doubtful if they do or have done everything they can to keep the contract with a client. They can think that the client will stay with your company for the next year even if the deal is done. However, there is no guarantee it happens. But this is not the fault of the leader. Sometimes, the circumstances may be stronger than the leader. All the leaders can do is to control one’s response to the circumstances and keep trusting the process.?