FEELING LONELY? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THROW A POTLUCK!

When our daughters were young, and I was an exhausted designer mom, the idea of hosting a full dinner for friends felt impossible. Eating out wasn’t as intimate, and takeout dinners were better as TV dinners. Cooking a full meal and being the “host” was overwhelming.

But I missed my friends.

So, I started potluck dinners.

At first, organizing who brought what required effort, but soon, we fell into our roles. Anni Kuan, who is a world-class chef, made delicate appetizers that were hard acts to follow. I made Turkish Eggplant Kebab with rice—a crowd-pleaser. Kellie Kulton baked desserts like a German patisserie chef. Jack Van Antwerp brought wine or bread, sometimes both. Ella Smolarz?mixed cocktails like a pro. Other friends came and went, contributing their own favorites to the table.

Yotam Ottolenghi, the Israeli-born British chef, starts planning meals with the table setting. “Food styling is what I do best,” he said. “I start at the end, with the plates and platters. Then I start to cook.” In our home, our kids set the potluck table and became masters at it.

Our potluck dinners came back to mind when I read, A New Campaign Against Loneliness Starts With a Potluck , in the NYTimes. ?

The guests might have been a tad more fancy—Dr. Vivek Murthy, the US Surgeon General renowned for identifying the Loneliness and Isolation epidemic in the US as our #1 health threat, the legendary American farm-to-table chef, Alice Waters, and?the humanist chef José Andrés, who arrived from feeding the survivors of Hurricane Helene with his?World Central Kitchen —but the concept is the same: everyone brings something meaningful, and stories flow naturally from the food, its origins, and its makers.

This is why Leah Caplan, my dear friend and partner, designed the final session of our Design Connections Program as a potluck celebration (see more on our co-design program against loneliness and isolation, below).?

Breaking bread plays a powerful role in fighting loneliness.

At a potluck, you learn unexpected things about people. I discovered that Anni shelled hundreds of shrimp as a kid in her parents’ restaurant, while she learned I intentionally iron tablecloths with lines because I think it looks crisper.

You build trust by?drinking eye to eye—a ritual in many cultures that signals, “I trust you didn’t poison my drink.” You show vulnerability by inviting people into the intimacy of your home. Guests arrive bearing food gifts, chosen or made with care, easing the host’s load. Food, often tied to childhood memories, sparks authentic connections.

A potluck becomes a collaborative experience where everyone contributes, creating something inclusive, joyful, and bigger than the sum of its parts.

A potluck is a beautifully designed social experience.

You bring one dish but leave enriched with Trust, Vulnerability, Mutual help, Authenticity, and Collaboration.?

Potlucks follow my favorite design principle: Less is more. Minimal effort, maximum impact.

A potluck is the ultimate social connection tool.

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate. My kids and their friends feel it as they leave for college. CEOs feel it at the top. Team members feel it, especially post-COVID. Retirees worry about it as networks shrink. Older adults face it as they navigate a life beyond established social constructs. I feel it as an empty nester who travels a lot.

If you’re feeling a little lonely today, throw one—and let me know how it goes.

Ayse

PS. We are taking a break from our Newsletter next week and will be back on December 2. Happy Thanksgiving!

INSPIRATION

Design the Social Connections You Love

Our co-design program empowers older adults to develop their social connection solutions and strategies in collaboration with their peers. The program builds on Co-designing with Older People, a year-long study on aging in America sponsored by The SCAN Foundation. It is inspired by my design process, Deconstruction, and my books, Design the Life You Love and Design the LONG Life You Love.

We piloted the program in Wasilla, Alaska, through a grant from the Mat-Su Health Foundation. Initial results showed statistically significant increases in participants' sense of purpose and happiness, along with significant decreases in loneliness. We are now poised to expand to multi-site trials.

You can reach out to me or Leah Caplan for more information about our Design Connections?research program or Design Connections for Corporations, a program aimed at combating loneliness and isolation in the workplace.

Anni Kuan

You’re in luck! You can now enjoy food cooked by Anni Kuan. Check out ChefAnni? on Instagram and connect with her, or let me know, and I will introduce you. Don’t forget her fashion brand Anni Kuan —I love wearing her designs!

Thanksgiving Potluck

Jocelyne Beaudoin is a busy interior designer and stylist (I wrote about her design work ). Her famous Thanksgiving dinners are also potluck-style, where each family member and friend brings a dish or two.

You can draw inspiration from her approach, as well as explore recipe ideas from No-Rules Friendsgiving from the NYT Cooking section.

Have fun!

For our design programs, please email Leah Caplan, VP, Design and Project Planning, Birsel + Seck, at?[email protected] .

For coaching engagements, please email Jacquelyn Lane, President, 100 Coaches, at?[email protected] .

For speaking engagements, please email Nancy Aaronson at?[email protected] .