Feeling like you don’t matter.

2020 has claimed the world. The human race is being pushed forward. It should feel uncomfortable and paralyzing. We are undergoing change, and it's "normal" this is shaking our very core. 

What we've gone through so far this year has left me personally overwhelmed in pausing powerlessness. Like the most immediate option out there to navigate our current realities is this: to embrace that we aren’t in control of what is forcing us to evolve, though reckoning with the fact that we truly are in it together. As one of my favorite poems reads:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; and you have the right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

(Desiderata – Excerpt. Max Ehrmann, 1927)

Leading change is a very humbling endeavor that needs emotional maturity. Today more than ever, being a mature leader requires a very specific skill: practicing empathy. We hear and read a lot about this. Some of us embrace it or have a natural ability that allows them to walk in other people’s shoes. Some others still roll their eyes to this idea and consider it too “touchy-feely” – especially in the business world. But behind our various beliefs, when it comes to leadership one thing is also true: lack of empathy is the most dangerous behavior a leader can embody.

Do you remember the last time you were on the receiving end of an empathetic response, or lack thereof?

Merriam-Webster’s definition of empathy is “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” When a leader is unable to practice genuine empathy toward their people, they create a sterile environment, based on fear and distrust, that leaves people feeling depleted, ostracized, and invalidated – or worse, feeling invisible.

If you like me are still processing the “Black Lives Matter” movement and the most needed anti-racism upraise, figuring out how to be actively supportive, and realizing the impact of racism in the workplace, I want to share the question consuming my heart right now and where I have chosen to pause:

What is it like to feel like you don’t matter?

Every time I ask myself this question, a deep, sad, empty silence drops inside of me. A heavy weight that is also too familiar. “Black Lives Matter” takes purpose to another level, and I am an ally because feeling like you don’t matter… simply hurts. It is like:

• Having a part in you that has become hollow.
• Being unwanted by everyone around you, unrecognized and helpless.
• Everything you say or do, regardless of how good it is, means nothing and it’s pointless.
• Being left behind, ignored, far away from everyone, even in a room full of people.
• Being pushed around and into an isolated corner, with no conditions to rise back up.
• Forced to struggle in silence and fear.

We have a choice to make a difference within our immediate circles of influence. Let’s make it count as a force for good. Empathy today strikes me in the form of validation. As Oprah says: “Validation is the most important thing we can give to each other… What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.” I want to cling to this unique momentum in history like my own survival depends on it and be part of the change. However big or small my part might be. I believe that for us leaders to know the stories of our people is a non-negotiable responsibility. So, why don't we start there?

• Educating ourselves enough until our paradigms shift enough toward understanding more.
• Listening and engaging, especially when it is most uncomfortable, toward learning from the experience of those who may feel their difference isn’t celebrated, but rather disregarded and punished.

To my Black colleagues, I see you, I hear you, and your life matters.