Feeling Great - "7E's" to fill your emotional tank

In coaching, we talk about filling our players’ emotional tanks, by catching the positive, encouraging them, recognizing and rewarding them for good skills or behaviors. In life, we need to be aware of our own emotional tanks and those of others too. By being self-aware, mindful and taking care of ourselves (recent post here) while being empathetic and caring for others, we lay the foundation for meaningful connections which drive the essence of our being.

However, understanding how to assess our emotional tanks can be complex. I’ve been steadily filling up my emotional tank over the past 12-14 months. Levels have risen and fallen but overall continue to rise. So, as part of my “feeling” article for my monthly thinking, feeling, saying, doing series, today I’m feeling great! I wanted to explore why and how I got here, so I simplified it through “7Es”. I hope these are helpful ways for you to assess the status of you own emotional tank, why it's important and how you can keep filling it up!

1) Engaged- when I’m engaged I am focused on the task and or the interaction at hand. In essence in the moment with what I’m doing and who I’m with.

What’s your stat on this, 1- 5? (1 = completely disengaged, 5 = fully focused)

How: in a crazy busy world, I’ve found the easiest way to do this is simplify life. To boil things down to what really matters? Focusing on those few things and giving them your full attention in the moment. One critical piece is engaging with others. Pick carefully- people you enjoy spending time with, people who are honest with you and challenge you. In short, people who bring out the best in you and people you make better, too. If you're in a job where you're not surrounded by these kind of people, either think about a change or ensure you have enough of a counter-balance in your personal relationships. Life's too short to not be engaged.

Why: Focusing all your energy on there here and now is the best way to embrace and make the most of life. Otherwise you’re just missing everything special going on by living in the past or dreaming about the future.

2) Energized- when I’m energized I have a love for life. I’m overflowing with vitality that drives me and others forward.

What’s your stat on this, 1-5? (1 = battery is drained, 5 = buzzing and overflowing).

How: Through the toughest of times and even in overcoming life's more trivial personal and professional challenges, I have always keep my mind set on possibility. It’s provided some light at the end of the tunnels, sometimes shortened the tunnels, other times just provided direction and perspective on my journey. The outcome from overcoming setbacks is personal and professional growth, demonstrated through increased resilience and a reinforced sense of purpose. This stores up as positive energy that, once the challenge has been overcome can be released to accelerate change and influence others to follow.

Why: Exuding positive energy in an authentic way with how you think, what you say and what you do, is a critical component in living a happy, meaningful life.

3) Excited- When I'm excited I'm eager to act, to be, to do; to encourage others to join me with genuine enthusiasm. I might be counting the minutes until I can act or maybe I even loose track of time, as I'm preparing the experience.

As Tim Ferris said in the 4 hour workweek:

“excited is the new happy”.

What’s your stat on this, 1-5? (1 = bored to tears, 5 = super excited)

How: Write down things that make you feel like excited? How often are you excited? What other things could make you feel like excited? How can you add more excitement to your life, or replace less exciting things with things more exciting? Often we let the routine of life get in our way. It is your life, so you might as well infuse some excitement into it!

Why: being excited brings out the best in me. My personality is super positive, optimistic, creative, my energy becomes infectious, I’m focused and driven.

4) Encouraged- through perseverance, driven by belief & guided by purpose, eventually, I see progress in even the hardest of circumstances. This encourages me to keep going.

What’s your stat on this, 1-5? (1 = gonna give up, 5 = bring it on!!)

How: All pain, frustration, resentment and hurt is temporary if you allow it to be. The alternative is living in the past, looking backwards and allowing yourself to feel shame, guilt, resentment, or anger, blaming someone for something (even if you're blaming yourself). It keeps the negative emotions alive, is discouraging and puts up a wall of fear that prevents you from moving forward. Encouragement can be inspired by others but to be sustained, it has to come from inside out.

Supporting yourself with resources - friends, family, books, TedTalks, journaling, art, music, etc, can help you process these emotions, getting them out of your system or transforming them into positives. This helps you develop confidence by focusing on the here and now as you continue to keep hope for the future. With this mental shift combined with every small step forward comes encouragement and momentum and more determination to keep taking steps forward. While the memories may remain, eventually, the negative energy and emotions fade away.

Why: encouragement provides the support, confidence and hope to transform positive energy into positive action.

5) Empowered- The opposite of feeling trapped, or suppressed- feeling empowered represents freedom to control your own destiny.

It has taken me a while to get there personally and professionally and while I know there are a number of challenges on the horizon, I have more control than ever, to positively and materially benefit both.

What’s your stat on this 1-5? (1 = completely suppressed, 5 = its all mine!)

How: empowering yourself and others is about earning or offering authority & power and developing the skills you need to act effectively. This could be as narrow in scope as self management or self control - having the focus and discipline to do the right things, be your best-self and not let others lead you astray or provoke you to be someone you’re not. It could be as broad as earning a new position that finally provides you with the formal authority to use your skills and resources to achieve something that may not have been possible without that authority before.

Why: ultimately everyone is responsible for their own actions. Empowerment enables you to formalize your actions through a position that optimizes your impact.

6) Enlightened- if you feel enlightened you feel inspired to find the best way forward and confident enough to shape the path.

What’s your Stat on this, 1-5? (1 = totaly lost, 5 = free to fly)

How- Listen, learn & lean forward. Inquire, care, and relate by showing compassion and empathy for yourself and others. Read & reflect to reframe your challenges into opportunities. Look back to look forward. Follow others who can inspire you. Lead others who you can support and direct.

Why- being enlightened provides us with the inspiration and freedom to realize our true potential.

7) Experienced - our acquisition of adequate skills and knowledge enables us to become informed, insightful and influential through certain things we do.

What’s your stat on this, 1-5? (1 = I know nothing, 5 = I feel like an expert)

How- we can learn from both good and bad experiences, from successes and failures. Reflection enables us to assess how we did to understand how we might be able to improve. In terms of go-forward actions, the key to building up valuable experience is to keep pushing the envelope - challenging ourselves by operating on the edge of our skills and ability. Then, forming rituals and routines to repeat positive practices. While practice may not make perfect it certainly makes better and ultimately better enables us to be our best.

Why- it feels good to be experienced at something and ultimately our experiences define who we are and help inform who we want to be.

So, how did you score? What are your most full areas? How did you get there? What are a few things you can do to fill up some of the others? Are there any things you did to fill up one area, that could be applicable to another? If so, how would you do that? When will you do that?

I hope you're feeling great, too. If you're not, I hope this can help you get there. Remember, you don't have to do it alone. That's the best part of humanity - one way or another, we can all be there for each other.

For 2018 I’m writing about things I’m thinking, feeling, saying and doing - and why - whether in the present or from the past. This makes my writing real and relevant (to me at least) as a way to refine and process my thoughts. I hope also it’s an easy, engaging & meaningful resource for you that could even save you some time & energy if you’re in a similar situation. Professionally, I'm working towards achieving long-term sustainable impact through Play Rugby USA & Vita Sports Partners. Personally to be free to be me - my best self. The motivation for all my endeavors is to inspire people to live life with vitality & purpose. Please reach out to learn more or to get involved. 

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@MarkGriffRugby @VitaSportUSA @PlayRugbyUSA

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