Feeling - Frozen, Bound, Clamped, Stuck or Jammed… it’s all the same

I was running late for an appointment last week as I jumped into my car and turned the ignition key. The nice smooth sound of ignition that I was so used to hearing was replaced by the horrible cranking sound of an engine not willing to turn on. I kept turning the key hoping that by some miracle the grinding noise would stop and the engine would start. Instead, it drained what was left in the battery and silence followed. Was feeling stuck.

We’ve all at most times felt like we’re drowning in mud. We feel worthless, and confused.

We want to move. We should. We have to. But we can’t. And then it evolves into anxiety, fear, and overwhelm. But what if — just what if — being stuck isn’t the problem, but how we perceive it?

Thanks there are cabs on call, but, yes the car had to be fixed. Thankfully again you have people who come on a call to the place where you are stuck to take the car for repairs, including a towing jeep should it refuse to move despite all efforts to start.

 “It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings.” ~Dale Carnegie

How many times have we found ourselves ready to go but unable to move?

The truth is, we all have the power to move forward no matter what obstacles block our path. We have the power to live up to your highest vision of how our life can be. We have the power to follow through and make significant progress on our biggest goals. We have all this power because we have the CHOICE. In each moment we can choose what we think, what we do, and who we want to be.

If we’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond our control, we need to take time to realign ourselves with what we value most in life.

We don’t have to continue doing things the way we’ve always done them. We don’t have to be held a prisoner by our old, familiar habits and assumptions. As a student of human behavior and now a Business Coach, I am brutally aware of the difficulty of keeping ourselves motivated to get to where we want to go. 

The traditional motivation methods most of us have experienced are motivation by fear or by incentive.  The boss tries to scare us into action by threats such as firing or demotion or a poor appraisal. The next day, in a change of heart, the boss offers us the promise of bonuses, promotion or equity if we achieve the goal. Clearly both can have an impact, and often do, but the results are usually short term at best. Threats lose their veracity if they are never acted on. Alternatively, incentives are effective if we  believe the goal is achievable but lose their long term impact once achieved. Neither approach has a long-lasting motivational impact.

So what is one to do if you want to change your behaviors or achieve a difficult goal but can't seem to stay motivated to do what is necessary to get to your destination? I believe part of the answer is in finding what sparks us or excites us. If we can discover what we are passionate about and harness that passion, we can access an unlimited battery of "inspiration energy" to keep us motivated and moving forward.

Discovering our passion can be difficult since most of us have followed the career scripts provided to us by well-meaning parents, friends, and educators and by society. But there are ways to alter our path. A simple way to start is to list all the activities we do in our present job that we enjoy doing and are good at. The next step is to ask our peers, friends, clients, and family what they think our greatest strengths are. From this we should get some clarity regarding what we are passionate about and what truly motivates us. In addition, a good book that gives some insight to the power of connecting your passion to business is a “bonus.”

Feeling stuck is an illusion, not a fact – When we feel stuck, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame. In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond. Our life is our responsibility. 

Rewinding to connect some other instance, doesn’t help – We can’t have a better today if we’re still thinking and worrying about yesterday. Whatever could have been or should have been, doesn’t matter. Even though we may want to move forward in our life, we have one foot on the brakes when we’re thinking about the past. We need to learn to release our regrets. 

It’s time to make a change when feeling static – It could be a change of heart, a change in our perspective, or a change in our habits. But the point in any case is that the way we are doing things is no longer working. Imagine ourselves  as a river, flowing into a great ocean. Oftentimes a river grows narrower and appears on the surface to lack movement just before it breaks through to the larger body of water. The same thing happens to us as we prepare for a breakthrough in life. 

What we seriously want or need to do won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end – If we’ve been asking the same questions for a long time, yet we’re still stuck, it’s probably not that we haven’t been given the answers, but that we don’t like the answers we were given. Remember, it takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for making the change happen. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where we don’t belong.

Excuse, excuse, excuse. An excuse is standing somewhere between us and the next step we need to take – If we really want to do something, we’ll find a way. If we don’t, we’ll find an excuse. This may be tough to accept, but it’s the truth. Let’s stop making excuses for why we can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why we must make it happen. The only person who can truly hold us back is we. So no more excuses – it’s time to change.  

Other people’s opinions is not what we have to live for – If we find ourselves constantly trying to prove our worth to someone else, we’ve already devalued our self. Our freedom lies not in the physical space around us, but in our mind. As long as we cling to other people’s definitions of our truth, our beauty, and our happiness, we will always be chained. We need to redefine things for ourselves, and write our own definitions. Finish our own sentences. Find our own way. And most importantly, listen to our intuition. It already knows what you truly need.  

Being Authentic is the way to go – By allowing ourselves to be ourselves, we allow others to be themselves around us too. When we speak up about our challenges and open ourselves up to receiving care and support, we allow others to do the same. The truth is, we’re all in this together, undergoing the same learning process and internal struggles. We’re all equally perfect in our imperfections. There’s no reason to hide behind lies.

Growth really happens from the inside out – If conditions are right, it’s easy to grow horizontally by acquiring more money, newer cars, bigger homes, etc. Vertical growth, on the other hand, is when we stay in the same place with the same things, but grow deeper and deeper into ourselves. Sadly, many of us feel stuck, and we age much faster than we grow, because we focus exclusively on horizontal achievements. 

Life is a journey, not a destination – We need to detach ourselves from the results of our efforts. A lot of internal change comes about from letting go of ingrained fears, superstitions, and doubts about what is “normal.” By letting go of what “should” happen or what “could” happen, we free up our life to various little surprises and joys. We may not lead the exact life we want, but we will lead a meaningful, miraculous existence, guaranteed. Life is sometimes difficult, but it’s not a chore. We need to make it an adventure, make it fun and make the choice to feel good about ourselves, about our world, about our possibilities and the step we’re taking right now.

We’re way stronger and a lot less stuck than we think – We need to take heart, and remember that the biggest breakthroughs often come after a long period of being stuck. Which is why feeling stuck for a while is necessary. We need to embrace this truth. When things seem to be at their worst is the ideal time for us to be at our best. If we can’t take a big step forward, we need to take a little one, or even tip-toe if we must. We need to keep reminding ourselves that we are strong enough to take the next tiniest step, and that this step is the only step that matters right now.

Aligning our passion with the behaviors necessary to convert that passion into results assures us a consistent spark that will keep our motor running!

IF YOU HAVE TO REALLY FEEL GOOD TO BE STUCK THEN TRY EMULATING 3M - The Post-It marvel.