Feeling Drained? Here’s How to Rebuild Yourself After Separation

Separation is one of the hardest things anyone can face, and as fathers, we often push our own well-being aside to focus on our kids, our work, and just getting through each day. But here's the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Many fathers I've worked with in the Hero’s Journey program talk about how they didn’t realise how much they were neglecting their own physical and mental health until they started feeling completely worn out.?

Maybe you’ve felt that way too—like you’re running on fumes. The truth is, self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Taking the time to rebuild your strength—both mentally and physically—is key to being there for your children, getting back to your best at work, and feeling like yourself again.?

Research has shown that stress in your personal life can have a big impact on your performance at work. It is fair to say that it is hard to separate your personal life completely from your professional life. Research from The American Psychological Association reported in 2023 that stress caused by financial or personal challenges was a major contributor to a 41% reduction in employee productivity.?

So it’s important to take action as it may affect your professional life more than you might think. Most employers will give you some time to get back to your normal levels of performance, but if it takes too long you run the risk that their patience runs out. If you are running your own business, it might be even more important to address this as you will feel the effects of your decline in productivity almost immediately and the consequences can be massive in the long term.?

So, where do you start? Let’s take a closer look at how you can take small but meaningful steps toward taking care of you.?

Listen to Your Body?

When life is in chaos, it’s easy to forget the basics. You might not be sleeping well, your eating habits may be out of whack, and finding the time to exercise seems like a distant dream. But here’s the thing: your body is giving you signals all the time, and if you ignore them, things only get harder.?

Start by making small adjustments.

You don’t need to overhaul your entire lifestyle overnight, but try to get moving in ways that work for you. It could be a simple walk after work, kicking a footy around with your kids, or even just stretching before bed. Anything that gets your body moving will help clear your mind and reduce stress. If you go to the gym regularly, keep going and if you can find a gym buddy who will drag you down to the gym if you don’t feel like going.?

Eating well is another small change that goes a long way.

When you’re busy or feeling low, it’s tempting to go for easy options, but even a few simple tweaks—like adding more veggies or drinking more water—can make a noticeable difference in how you feel each day. When you’ve got so many decisions to make, small additional decisions like deciding what to have for dinner might be just too much. One way to overcome this is to order foodboxes which make it easy for you. You don’t have to decide what to eat as the meals have already been selected for you and you don’t have to worry about buying all the ingredients. The added bonus is that they are generally very healthy.?

And let’s not forget rest.

It might seem impossible to get a full night’s sleep when your mind is racing, but creating a consistent bedtime routine can help. Make your space comfortable, avoid screens before bed, and give yourself the time to wind down.?

Take Care of Your Mind?

The emotional toll of separation is heavy, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, confused, or even lost at times. But trying to ignore those feelings doesn’t make them go away—it just builds up pressure. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as looking after your body.?

Start by checking in with yourself.

How are you really feeling? Are there moments where you can slow down and breathe? Mindfulness or meditation might sound like buzzwords, but they can be incredibly helpful tools for calming a busy mind, even if you only spend a few minutes a day focusing on your breath or simply being present.?

Talking about your feelings with someone you trust is another way to lighten the load.

Whether it’s a mate, a family member, or a professional, sharing your thoughts can help you make sense of everything that’s going on.? If you want some independent support outside your community join a men’s group. There are more around than you think and it is a safe space to share what you are going through and what you are struggling with without being judged. If you want some suggestions just send me a message.?

And don’t forget to carve out time for things that bring you joy.

Even in the toughest times, finding moments of happiness—whether it’s a hobby you enjoy, spending time with your kids, or simply sitting in the sunshine—can help restore your mental reserves.?

Finding Balance?

Balancing your physical and mental health is all about being intentional with your time and energy. You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to prioritise yourself just as much as you prioritise others. In the Hero’s Journey program, one of the key things I work on with fathers is finding that balance—helping you build a sustainable routine that works for you, not against you.?

Separation is hard, but it’s also an opportunity to rebuild in ways that allow you to come out stronger—both for yourself and for your children. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. It’s about making sure you’re not just getting through life but actually living it well.?

Stay Connected?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need support, consider booking a free separation roadmap session . It’s a chance to discuss your situation and find ways to take control of your journey.?

You can also join the Hero’s Journey program, starting in the next few weeks, where we dive deeper into how fathers can rebuild both their personal and professional lives after separation. For more information, visit our website: www.theseparationcoach.com.au .?

One way to get support is by connecting with others who understand what you’re going through. I run regular dinners in Melbourne for separated fathers to come together, share experiences, and support each other. If you're interested in joining us, let me know: https://nam.dcv.ms/gEBXzKbEB9 .?

Follow me on LinkedIn for more insights and support.?

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