Feeling directionless – what should I do?

Feeling directionless isn’t something we seek out. So when it happens, it can be hard to know how we found ourselves there. We all?want?to wake up in the morning with a sense of purpose and the feeling that we’re working towards something meaningful. But sometimes, we veer off course. It can feel like we’ve been set adrift – our spark’s gone.

To add to things, many of us have grown up with the message that we should have it all figured out by a certain point in our lives. Not only is this unhelpful but it’s a limited way of looking at life which isn’t – by its nature – linear.

So if you’re feeling this way right now, take the pressure off. Most of us will feel this way at some point in our lives. The main thing is that you’ve acknowledged it. And acknowledging something is the first step towards changing it.

Why is it important to find your purpose in life?

We all need purpose in life. Purpose is motivation – it gives us a reason to get up in the morning and gives our life meaning.

Our purpose can be found in different areas of our lives. Some people find their purpose in their career. A human rights lawyer, for example, may choose this path because they feel passionately about justice and protecting people who need it most. Similarly, a speech therapist may choose their job because they want to help people find their voice.?

But purpose can be found outside of work too. Some people find their purpose in their friendships and family. Perhaps they value being a good mother or father – or a friend to turn to through the good times and the bad.

When it comes down to it, purpose is about finding your “gift” – what you love doing and what you’re good at – and sharing it outwards into the world.

I feel directionless – what steps to take

One of the biggest problems we face when we feel directionless is that it can also chip away at our motivation. And when we lack motivation, we’re more likely to withdraw and miss out on the opportunities that would otherwise be available to us. If you’re feeling this way right now, it’s important to bear this in mind as you may need to give yourself a little push and commit to doing things that you don’t necessarily feel like to begin with. But the more you do them, the more motivated you’ll start to feel.

Acknowledge you’re feeling this way, and remind yourself that it’s OK?– no one has it all figured out. We’re all winging it to some extent and that’s fine – it’s part of being human. The most important thing is that you’ve acknowledged that you’re feeling this way which means you can now take action.

Notice and call out any defeatist thoughts?– if you’ve been feeling this way for a while, it’s likely that your thoughts have also become quite negative. See if you can identify them when they crop up. Maybe you’re having thoughts like, “what’s even the point in trying?” or “things never work out for me”. Remind yourself that they are just thoughts – stories your mind likes to tell when you’re feeling a certain way. Instead, try replacing these thoughts with kind, encouraging words e.g. “I’m having a hard time right now but that’s OK. Everyday I’m getting closer to where I want to be”.

Build mastery?– In therapy, there’s a skill we refer to as “building mastery”. It’s the idea of doing small things everyday that feel a little bit challenging. When we practise building mastery, it builds self-trust, motivation and gives us a sense of achievement, regardless of whatever else is going on in our lives. An example might be running. If you want to start running, start small. Commit to doing just 5 mins around your local block to begin with (rather than a lengthy mile long run). Then the next day 6 mins, and the next 7, and so on… You’ll start to feel better with each day that passes which will help build your confidence and motivation to keep going. As you start to feel better about yourself, you’ll find that your motivation increases in the other parts of your life too.

Commit to exercising/eating well?– when we feel lost or without purpose, the good stuff is often the first thing we drop – but it’s in these moments that we need it most. Even if you don’t feel like it, keep going to the gym, eating healthily and taking care of yourself. It’s important to keep those feel-good chemicals topped up.

Connect with your values and what’s important to you?– values aren’t about what we want to get or achieve, they’re about the kind of person we want to?be –?what’s important to us and how we want to live our lives. Examples might be: adventure, kindness, generosity, being outdoors… and so on. Identify?your?values and use them as a guiding point towards where you want to be.

Take action?– once you’re clear on your values, you can start making decisions that align with them. Let’s say you wrote “generosity” as a value. Maybe you want to choose a career that involves helping people… Or maybe you want to take on some volunteering work in your free time. No matter how daunting it may feel right now, try taking one small step towards where you want to be.?

Start therapy?– therapy is a great place to start exploring what’s important to you. Your therapist will work with you to explore your values, where you might have veered off track and how you can start taking steps towards where you want to be.

Feeling depressed and directionless?

While directionless isn’t something to worry about in and of itself, if you have been feeling this way for an extended period of time and it isn’t seeming to shift, it’s important to?reach out to a professional.?Feeling numb and losing your sense of enjoyment and purpose can be a symptom of depression – especially if you’re feeling stuck and can’t see a “way out”. The sooner you get the right support, the better your chances of making a recovery.