FEELING BLINDSIDED ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S ANNOUNCEMENT?

Dr. Lulu here. I have been figuring out a way to help you parents of queer kiddos, and today, I decided to pick one topic that a new client is struggling with and share my insights.

I had always suspected my child was gay, ever since she was an infant. She was assigned a male sex at birth. But y'all, nothing could have prepared me for her announcement that she is a trans woman!

Like me, you might have also been "blindsided" by your Q+ child's announcement. Whether they are gay, bisexual, trans, or nonbinary, etc... You did not see it coming.

Either way, thank you for creating a safe space for them to come to you.

If you are feeling blindsided, it is because as parents, we often feel like we know our kids. We pride ourselves on "knowing our children." Naturally, we expect them to be straight, heterosexuals, who will walk down the aisle with a spouse of the opposite sex someday, or grow up to become the adult gender/sex that we assigned them at birth.

At this time, you are in disbelief, you are shocked and possibly overwhelmed at the news that your child is a completely different person than who you thought they were/would be.

Your current feelings are preventing you from seeing your child as the same person they were yesterday. The same heart, same face, same smile, etc. It is preventing you from sleeping well at night or moving forward. Tomorrow is very hard to see.

Your heart might even be heavy and you feel generally weak.

You are worried about how to accept yourself as a parent of a Q+ child. I get it.

This is significant because you are your child's parent, you love them and yet feel inadequate, unsure of how to move on, and very challenged. Things should not be this way. Parenting should not be this complicated. You did not sign up for this.

You wish things were different. Simply put, you wish your child wasn't gay/bi/trans, etc.

You already have a lot on your plate, you don't need this extra burden. You want a "simple" life, uncomplicated by the LGBTQ+ 'agenda'.

Why you? Why not someone else? Why now? Why ever??

Here's the catch though...

You think the problem is the fact that your child is in the LGBTQ+ community and you need to accept them. But the actual problem is: YOU NEED TO ACCEPT YOURSELF AND YOUR NEW IDENTITY AS A PARENT OF A Q+ CHILD.

You need to become an affirming parent, the parent your child needs, not the parent you think you should be. You need to start looking at your new identity as a parent as something hard, but doable. Maybe even something new and enjoyable :)

You need to begin looking at the situation from your child's view. What do they need from you? How can you help them? How can you become their advocate, ally, and protector? What actions are in your control?

ONE QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF:

If you could accept yourself and affirm your child, what do you need to be thinking right now?

I can help you become better aware of this, to become that parent. You can begin to unlearn what you have been programmed to think parenting queer kids means. I can help you learn the truth about what being LGBTQ+ really means.

Working with me makes this easier because I once was your child. I was once a queer teen and now I am a parent of a queer young adult. So, I have walked your walk and talked your talk.

I can help you pick the thoughts and the feelings that will help you create the results you desire. To breathe better, easier, and calmer.

Having someone who has done something before by your side is always easier than having no one. That is the power of coaching and accountability.

Working with me is more fun than going it alone because sharing a burden is always lighter. We shall share stories, cry together, and laugh together (maybe even over chilled drinks). Simply put, we shall hang out like friends, which always makes me feel better :)

When you accept your new identity and begin to learn how to affirm and support your child, the first thing that you will notice is UNDERSTANDING: Yourself, your child, your thoughts, and your reactions. Then the anxiety, depression, overwhelm, or other heavy emotions begin to melt away.

YOUR CHILD'S ANXIETY AND STRESS ALSO BEGIN TO IMPROVE.

You BOTH become happier, more confident, and more in control of your thoughts, actions, and reality.

Your relationship begins to improve, and you no longer feel like an alien or alienated. Your child CHOOSES to hang out with you and your family begins to heal and become whole again!

Imagine what would be possible for you once this situation becomes a thing of the past. You can walk with your head high, confident that your child ALWAYS has a safe space at home, and you can talk freely about it (WITH permission of course, and only WHEN it is safe).

Heck, you might even begin to help other parents and family members understand and see past their own blind spots. Just ask Kim Dorey , Vickie Fowler, MD, FAAFP , and Foster Salinas , all warriors and #mamabeasts.

Imagine having more energy freed up for yourself, your self-care, your sleep, your children, and your future self...that you didn't previously didn't have.

Let's chat.

You got this.

DM me.

Dr. Lulu