Not Feelin’ It?

Find a quiet place that you enjoy and where you feel relaxed. Somewhere that allows you to get your best thinking done. Go there and close your eyes as you consider these questions: When was the last time you felt truly fulfilled? When was it you last felt like your life is (or was) filled with reward and meaning? If you look at yourself from the outside, who would you say you are when you are 100% on purpose?

Most of the responses I get to these questions include specific and mostly exceptional events that represent major transitions or significant milestones: a marriage, completing your graduate studies, a huge promotion, the birth of a child, a special trip. These events produced a reassuring feeling that the world was spinning just right.??

And, still, many people in my coaching conversations say they are “not feelin’ it.” Why??

I think its is maybe because the things we tend to pinpoint when we ponder the above questions stand out and are very different and distant from our day-to-day experiences. These shining occasions are for sure enriching or even nourishing. But sometimes we lose focus; we start thinking that we can only find or have purpose in the presence of these experiences.?

In my coaching practice, I’ve had the privilege of working with individuals from diverse backgrounds— consultants, NGO leaders, executives, stay-at-home parents, and physicians. For all of them, uncovering meaning in their daily activities significantly enhances their perceived quality of life.

Perhaps you wake up dreading the thought of going to work, feeling like you’re just going through the motions. Maybe you find yourself stuck in a rut, droning on through days that feel monotonous, feeling tired and drained even without much effort. Dreary as these things are, at least know you’re not alone.

Searching for Purpose

Maintaining a sense of purpose is especially crucial now, when the world moves faster and faster, and it sometimes might feel like we can’t keep pace with it. Job security feels precarious and new technologies, like AI, threaten traditional roles.?

Purpose is the driving force that gives our lives meaning, importance, and direction. It shapes our actions, influences our choices, and provides depth to our experiences. When we have a clear sense of purpose, we approach challenges with resilience and energy, knowing that our actions align with our core values. Conversely, the absence of purpose can lead to feelings of emptiness, lack of motivation, and even a sense of irrelevance.?

The search for significance and impact is universal. “Meaning” and “belonging” are fundamental to our quest for purpose. It doesn’t matter what your role is; we must all find ways to infuse purpose into our activities, whatever they may be. Without them, we risk becoming cynical and feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or inconsequential, even if we hold prestigious titles or make a lot of money. Consider a Chief Executive who feels empty despite a meteoric professional ascent, or a mother who, immersed in the little details of raising her children, loses sight of the rewards and joys that come from guiding them toward successful, happy lives.?

"Your work is to discover your world and then, with all your heart, give yourself to it." ~Buddha

There’s a person my family and I were fortunate enough to come across when we lived in Spain, Enrique. He is a caretaker in the gated community where we lived in Madrid. For him, the residents are more than just people he looks after; they are like friends and family. The work he does is not a collection of things to repair or meaningless chores. He takes pride in how his work is central to the successful experience of the community he feels he impacts through his work. This connection gives him a profound sense of purpose, driving him to excel in his role and find fulfillment? regardless of the expectations set by his employers. You get the point: purpose isn’t confined to high-powered careers; it can thrive anywhere, no matter the context.

You Have The Bricks... What About The Blueprint?

You may possess the building blocks of a clearer purpose without even realizing it. Often, individuals underestimate their passions, values, and strengths, thinking they lack what it takes to define their purpose.?

And this is an important realization: purpose does not need to be a huge thing overarching our lives. It’s certainly not only about lofty career goals; it can involve smaller, everyday aspirations that bring you joy and satisfaction. It can shift and adapt as we navigate life’s transitions. Realizing this to find joy in the smaller things, in the shorter time spans, or in specific projects is important to always finding a source of energy in what we do. Yes, working to always find and build purpose leads to a more fulfilling journey.

You might have noticed that in social media it would appear like everyone else has cracked the code and found a perfect life, has become rich, runs huge companies or drives massive business success, or can spend crazy amounts of time doing whatever they want and pursuing their hobbies and interests. It takes a conscious effort (and I am asking you to please make it right now) to imagine them doing more worldly things, like picking up after their dog, taking the trash out, or as they look in the mirror first thing in the morning. We don’t get to see their dark moments, their arguments, or their stress to make enough money to cover those bills they likely also owe. So we tend to think that we can only find purpose in those scant moments, while others have found it and live the great life every day. That is far from true.

Reflections on Purpose

Not surprisingly, purpose is one of the things find myself working on the most in my coaching conversations. The good news is that coaching is ideally suited for this, and a lot of research underpins it. For example, in a recent study by University of Wisconsin , researchers found that purpose is an essential element of wellbeing. They also found that finding and clarifying it is something that one can learn, practice, and apply to our daily lives (other components are awareness, connection, and insight—I might write about these in the future.)

According to the study, and consistent with one’s intuitive sense, A clear understanding of your purpose means you see meaning and significance in your life and endeavors and can be associated with better resilience (emotional recovery). On the flipside, an unclear purpose might feel like, even if you have clear values and aims, you can perceive them to be out of your grasp.

Quoting from the paper, “Purpose and meaning in life shape our personal narratives and [...] a strong sense of purpose is associated with improved health outcomes and behaviors.”

The Coaching Perspective

Life is not just those few big, memorable moments we discussed a little while ago. It is happening all the time in the margins, in the little things, in the many small events you might be taking for granted, even if not all of them are pleasant.?

Every single moment should be an opportunity for you to examine how what you do contributes to your purpose, to understand what drives you, and to focus on what nourishes that sense of purpose. So, spend some time deepening your awareness of it (and of yourself.) Here are some ideas to get you going:

Take stock. Connect with the present moment. Take a proverbial breather and think about how you are feeling right now. Ponder whether you feel fulfilled by what you do or if there are moments when you dread your daily routine.?

What drives you? For example, while we all need to pay the bills and make a living, if there is nothing else that moves us forward, we will eventually burn out. It doesn’t have to be a totally zen, deep breakthrough exploration—keep it light. Think beyond yourself (e.g, family, friends, community, etc.)

Identify Your Values: What truly matters to you? Consider your core values and how they intersect with your daily activities. Are you spending enough time on what fulfills you?

Embrace Change: Life is dynamic, and so is purpose. As circumstances change, so too might your purpose. Embrace this fluidity and be open to redefining what it means to you.

Examine yourself more deeply: Ask your self what you enjoy doing most. Is there any way you can build more of that into your life? If you think of the time you felt the most fulfilled, what produced those feelings?

Interested in Coaching?

Coaching can provide the clarity and support you need to go deeper into this exploration, clarify your purpose, and move forward. It will help you identify actionable steps toward a life that can be more fulfilling, with a better understanding of how to find or build purpose in and into everything you do.

One of the biggest treasures I found as I started learning how to be a better coach is learning to find ways of “being” rather than just “doing”. I bring this up all the time with my clients! For example, tomorrow morning, when you get up, actively think and tell yourself, “Today I’ll make the world a little better.” And go about your day. You could be walking the dog, chopping wood, doing the laundry, or grocery shopping. Keep your eyes on the prize and don’t lose sight off of what you want your life to “be” about.??

If you are at least a little bit curious, I would be happy to answer any questions and / or offer you a complimentary coaching session . What can you lose? At the very least, you’ll get some coaching and hopefully a little more clarity—although there is so much you have inside that coaching can help bring out.