Feel Good In The Skin You're In

Embarrassment, intimidation, ridicule and being made fun of affect people in different ways and it’s totally normal to experience a reaction in your body when you think you’re being verbally attacked or that someone is taking the mick. I started to notice from around 2010 a massive reduction in how I felt within myself when circumstances that predicate embarrassment, shame or self-doubt arose. I started to see that at the start of a reaction within myself I could choose whether to indulge in the feelings, behaviours and story about what was happening or I could choose to let it go.

Prior to 2010 I had a very different reaction when I heard people talking about me with remarks like “I’d hate to have hair like that” or discussing loudly something they perceive I’ve done such as jump a queue, or holding them up in some way. Back then I would immediately allow myself to feel small, hurt, under attack and then start to feel unworthy, even if I didn’t actually agree with what was being said about me. Somehow I would take it personally and it would eventually lead on to self-criticism for allowing other peoples actions and words to make me feel small and worthless.

Whatever the reason for any comments being made about me in the past is not my concern but I did start to get curious as to what was making the difference within myself to go from taking things very personally and suffering, to this newer response of what you might call ‘a thick skin’.

I can see that in order to have a different response now to similar circumstances that happened pre 2010 means that it can’t be the circumstances causing my reaction. Instead the experience is coming from within me, from the inside to out. The human experience works inside to out not outside to in. This means it’s not what the other person said, and it’s never your circumstances or situation that cause how you feel. So what is creating your feelings? I’ve come to see it’s our thoughts that we feel. We are in fact only ever feeling Thought in the moment.

Now here’s the thing, human’s are thinkers, we have a running commentary going on constantly and sometimes we notice it more than other times. This constant stream of thoughts (head chatter) doesn’t actually have to be thunk, what I mean by that is we don’t have to engage in thinking about our thoughts. Doing things as a response to our thoughts, feelings and patterns of behaviour that ebb and flow all day long can easily lead to confusion and suffering. It you are caught up in responding to thoughts you are living a life through the constraints of your little thinking mind.

Shifting your focus from your head to your heart is a pleasant way to start noticing a different way of living, one that is responding to wisdom, to what intuitively feels like the thing to engage in. How do you tell the difference between your thinking mind vs insight and wisdom? For me the contrast is - one feels heavy and restrictive and the other feels light and expansive. One can feel quite unsure and busy and the other has clarity and stillness.

Is one way to live better than another? No not really, it’s all experience. However I personally feel we are meant to allow life to live through us, to flow with ease and to experience a sense of fulfilment and an underlying sense of contentment and peace. We have the capacity to rest in our true nature and live from that space whenever we remember. When I’m caught up in my thinking I tend to no longer feel the qualities of my true nature. It’s all still there of course but it’s obscured by the illusory thoughts I’m seeing as solid and real.

As I said there is no right way and wrong way to experience life and there certainly isn’t anything wrong with feeling the full spectrum of human emotions including grief, sadness, and anger. What I am saying is it is possible to feel all of those and still have a sense of peace and love present, and I find that pretty cool.

Thought is what creates our reality and it’s designed to look real. It’s the energy that creates our experience, and I’ve come to realise there’s no point beating myself up about getting lost in my thinking and believing my thoughts are telling me something true about myself, other people or the world. I am simply grateful to notice quickly that I’m believing an illusion, and in that realisation my level of consciousness changes and I start to feel more of my true nature again.

Why do I say that my thoughts are not true? Thought is actually neutral it is providing an experience, it is then up to me whether I simply accept what is or whether I create meaning out of the experience and start to tell myself stories about it being good or bad, or an experience where I should be feeling shame or disappointment, or happiness, or humour. It’s not that creating meaning and stories is wrong, it’s just not necessary, and rarely helpful. For example if the stories you create are causing you to suffer then I don’t see the sense in that. Of course we can all innocently create such stories even when we know what Thought really is and that’s ok. As I said, when you know about the power and gift of Thought it enables you to more quickly return to what’s real in the moment.

So getting back to feeling good in the skin you’re in. One clear way to me is recognising that the thoughts you have are not telling you anything about you, your situation, or anything about the outside world. Instead you can focus on what you truly are, which is peace, perfection, wisdom, beauty and ultimately LOVE. At your core you are complete, whole and have innate mental health and wellbeing. I always feel great in my skin when I think about what I’m really made of.

Feeling good in the skin you’re in is down to you and you alone. Nothing external and no one else can actually make you feel anything you don’t choose to. Yes it can seem like people push your buttons but you control your response. You don’t control your thoughts but what you do with them IS up to you. Rather than buy into your thoughts, you could instead see the neutrality of it all and how there is nothing personal to take on board.

If someone said something to me that fed into insecure thinking, I used to go over the remark again and again for days, weeks and months even. A thought remaining in my life long after the actual comment was made.

I would look to analyse why I was so hurt and what in my past it linked to, rather than seeing it for what it was – Thought in the moment (nothing more nothing less). No analysing required, no digging into the past required.

I used to spend so much time using tools and techniques to change how I felt or to help me dig around in my past to find out why I felt the way I did and behaved the way I did. I notice that now I have an understanding of the 3 principles that enable us to have a human experience and how these 3 principles play out in my life. I no longer reach for certain tools and techniques. Instead I follow what makes sense to me, which usually is to do nothing. Sometimes it might be to go for a walk, call a friend, take a bath, take deep breaths, or sit quietly. But I no longer reach for strategies first to change me or fix what I’m feeling.

I liked this quote I saw recently:

“As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.” ~ Harrington Emerson

What this quote suggests to me is when you understand how a system works everything starts making sense. You may still use a method to support you but you’ll be doing so from a space of knowing what’s really at play. In terms of the human experience and its 3 principles it means for me that divinity and humanness are one. I know about my true nature that sits quietly alongside my thought created personality, and the many archetypes of my ego that I’ve made up. I recognise that I’m also pure consciousness and an awareness of all that is. I guess in fact I am all that is, as are you.

If that all sounds a bit deep let’s chunk back down and look at practical ways to feel good in your skin by noticing your thoughts in the moment. Notice that you don’t have to create meaning and a story about what someone says about you. You don’t have to take it personally even if your thoughts are telling you to. Your thoughts, remember, are neutral and don’t have to be listened to, acted upon, or believed to be true.

You are not ruled by your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. You are not your life’s circumstances.

Getting a real grasp of how we are only ever feeling Thought in the moment doesn’t necessarily happen over night although this is totally possible and has happened to many people throughout the world and history. What I would say is - stay in the conversation. Keep reading things that point in this direction and at some point insights will come and you will see more and more.

I used to think I had to master my mind and control it in some way. I now see that all I needed was to know the system and how it worked. I can leave it alone to do its thing without it limiting me. Since seeing this I am engaged in effortless productivity and feel so much freer than I ever have before. I also am falling in love with my humanness and so relieved I don’t have to change anything about myself. I really am happy in my skin.

Not only that but I also have a deep sense of play. I know life has my back and I’m excited to experience more. With faith, innocence, curiosity and fun I am allowing life to live through me and totally open to see what unfolds.

To stay in the conversation with me, I host a facebook group called Tea & Insights ~ You Don’t Have To Change To Be Happy. Please check out the group description and if makes sense to join you are most welcome. www.facebook.com/groups/teaandinsights