Feel the 'emotions' & get over them 'anyway'!

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”~Nelson Mandela

'Confessions of a therapist'; life can do a number on us to' just keep looking over your shoulder to see what you learnt' & you may realise, you dodged a ‘bullet to’.......

?Living through the past year of my life has been a humbling experience. I guess I shouldn’t say I lived through the last few months; I existed, confused and perplexed by range of experiences.

?That's what life does throw’s us complex and unpredictable circumstances; where you encounter people, intentions, agendas, fears, threat, control & which you try to rationalise and understand; what did I do & why? or was it put there to help?...

?It wasn’t until recently that I started to wake up from the fog, debilitation and realize that I had to take back my life. I did just that by going through the following five steps.

?1. Feel the pain.

I was slammed with feelings resulting in painful emotions, and they swirled around me like ‘wasps’ waiting to sting.

But I knew they were honest and true and that somehow if I felt them and let them be heard, they’d go away in time; including the Tourette's I developed along the way ! ! !

And they will and do. For the most part. I still feel them every once in a while, but once I feel them fully, it’s as if they knew they had done their job and then left me alone; it was me against my 'shadow'.

Their job was to wake me up to something more, to a new path, and that’s just what they did; & perhaps too ‘soul’s’ I had just not met.

?2. Practice self-compassion.

Having given myself permission to feel and face the pain, I now had to make peace with and accept what had happened to me. I did this by practicing self-compassion; which is hard when you self-flagellate and you're in utter rage.

This has nothing to do with increasing your self-esteem.

In her TED Talk titled “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion,” Kristin Neff explains that self-esteem can be detrimental & harmful, because it’s a judgment of whether you are a good or bad person in comparison to others; and I was left feeling bad, bad for being so angry. It creates a narcissistic attitude.

?I've realised self-compassion is very different from self-esteem, as it creates a compassionate attitude through relating to ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves as we are, flaws, silent -disabilities- that have been exposed idiosyncrasies and all.

But, how was I supposed to move in to a space of relating to myself kindly when I’d gone through the last few months of doing the opposite? I started a daily practice of non-judgmental reflection which I have found difficult.

And I did this just by starting to reframe my thoughts.

I cant’-------I know I can handle it

If only-------Next time

It’s a problem------it’s an opportunity

I’m going to fail---------I ‘trust it’s all happening perfectly’

Reframing our thoughts involves identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive or helpful self -talk.

Reframing my thoughts has been an amazing practice that not only is allowing me to practice acceptance of what had happened to me, but is allowing me to move forward with a more positive attitude; although some days I slip and the 'frustration' fires up again.

3. Take responsibility for your life.

During these difficult months; I felt a lot of self-pity because I felt like life and people were doing things to me rather than realizing I had given up control of my life.

I gave up my power to someone else.

I had to take responsibility for my actions only then did I realise I am able to change things for the better. If you take responsibility, you take control. You take control and your life can finally become what you want it to become.

One of the side effects of taking control is gaining 'freedom'. I finally had the chance to make my own decisions and do what I wanted; today I am starting to choose for me.

4. Find your home again.

When you lose your 'muchness', you feel you’ve failed, to return from that feeling you must find your 'home' again.

According to Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame, in her TED talk titled “Success, Failure, And The Drive To Keep Creating,” your home is anything that you love more than yourself. Your home is that thing to which you can dedicate your energies with your passion and devotion that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

For me that was running, walking feeling alive outdoors. Even though I haven’t found mega success with this recently, it’s something that I’m driven to do and the results are again inconsequential to me.

If people want to do this with me, then wonderful, I’ve connected with someone. If not, that’s still alright with me because I just love doing it. It makes me feel alive!

5. Share yourself with the world.

I decided not to keep my “home” to myself , even though I easily could have. I had stopped going to the gym, crossftit and rather ran outside alone to avoid people. It’s made me feel quite vulnerable again reaching out, but it honestly feels very good to share and I feel like I’ve come out of hiding and am being seen again.

And that’s the one big point I want to make. It’s important to share your “home” with the world because it’s your gift. Share it whether people who love you for it or hate you for it, share it whether you’re a novice or an expert, whether your fast or slow.

It will bring you out of hiding, out of self-pity, and out of self-loathing, because you won’t be focused only on yourself anymore. You’ll be focused on something external.

And the magical thing about sharing your gift is it will; connect you. It will connect you to the world again, to the people who come in contact with your gift, to the people who get your gift, and most importantly, it will connect you with you again.

Today; I picked out my ‘favourite trainers’ and I ‘ran’ 6 miles and feel alive again.

If any of the above resonates with you & you've gone through a 'spin cycle' on 180...then let me invite you on one of my 'complimentary discovery calls'; to explore where a 'Transformation process' could work for you.

To book a discovery session go to:

https://lnkd.in/gGVMR_E

www.peopleofworth.co.uk

TEL:07933177328