Feedback - A Two way street and a never-ending road

Feedback is not only about performance reviews and assessing the strong and weak sides of an employee. In fact, is not about the employees at all. It reflects all people in the organization and it`s a two-way street. A manager can give feedback to his employee, but he should be mature enough to receive feedback from his employee as well.

Many organizations are emphasizing how people are the “most valuable asset”, how the companies are “human-centered” and focused on “the people as people”. For some companies that`s true. But for others is just a marketing tool to attract talent and elevate their image in front of the crowd. In my opinion this has an explanation.?

Here are some ground of my rules which are resonating with my experience, to establish a good feedback strategy and adopt the right set of skills. Because only by hearing each other you will prosper as a team.?

1. Giving feedback

Preparation is the most important part of the process of giving feedback. In most cases, people don`t spend enough time for preparation even for rehearsal of the things they want to say. Usually, this part is underestimated and people tend to freestyle without considering the negative aspects of this approach.

To prepare yourself properly you have to do a few things:

Focus on yourself and think about the person you intend to talk to. Imagine how they would react, considering their personality - what thoughts the person might have on the topic. Step into their shoes and think about the outcome that you are striving to.

Write down the facts that you are aware of and avoid taking sides. Strengthen the facts with the emotions that the given situations have led to. In that way, you are giving the person a clear vision of how you felt about something they said or done.?

Aks the person for a convenient time to talk. Even brief them on a high level what is the purpose of the meeting. It`s never a good idea to just type “Hey, do you have 30 minutes. We have to talk about something.” in Teams. This just brings a feeling of wrongfulness, guilt, worry, and anxiety, and believe me, it won`t contribute positively to the conversation afterward. Instead, you may say: “Hey, how are you doing with the tasks? When will you have about 30 minutes? I want to discuss the situation from the meeting yesterday?” That way you give a head-up to the other person and leave them with enough time to prepare as well.

Give the background and state the facts. Confirm the consequences that a certain behavior brought. Example: Yesterday at the meeting you said that your colleagues’ idea is stupid and there is a better way to get the task done. Your colleague felt underestimated and overwhelmed. Do you think there is a better way to say that there is a more suitable approach to the task?”

Ask for confirmation and comments. The coin has 2 sides so you have to make sure you are on the same page. If the receiver agrees with you, then you should come up with an action plan to avoid such behavior in the future. If the person has their version of the situation, be patient and listen actively. It`s not certain that he will agree with you 100%. It`s teamwork to come up with a consensus on the situation. Don`t be too stubborn as people tend to sometimes and make balanced compromises.?

Mitigate emotional escalation - Some people are more impulsive and sensitive than others. Some people don`t have the right tools to navigate escalating emotions. Your role is to facilitate the meeting and if you spot an emotional wave coming up, make sure to rise the Stop sign and cool down. People tend to hear what they want to hear. So when you see that the other person is focusing on detail rather than the big picture, be there to elevate them and help them see it.

2. Receiving feedback

To receive constructive feedback with a negative taste is not an easy task. Your Ego gets involved, your feelings are hurt, and your emotions escalate. Here are some tips on how to?manage the process of receiving feedback:

React

Be present and stay open-minded when you receive feedback. Be aware of your emotions and try to control them well. Give your best not to make quick decisions or to go with the flow. Listen actively to what the other person has to say and ask questions to confirm the statements. Make sure you are both on the same page. Depending on the feedback, you have 2 choices: end the meeting when the person is finished and give yourself time to think and absorb or continue the meeting and move on to the second level.

Reflect

Be honest with yourself and assess objectively your actions and/or words. Give yourself time to think and cool down your emotions. Ask for specific examples that will show you how to perform better next time.

Respond

You can either accept or decline the feedback. However, you should in any case thank the other person. If you accept the feedback, then you should declare your next steps towards change and in some time follow up.

If you reject the feedback, you should do it respectfully. Make sure you`ve shown that nevertheless you understand your partner and see what they are talking about. However, you stay with your facts and move on.

My Key Takeaways

Most managers are struggling to adopt a culture of giving constructive and effective feedback just because they don`t know how to do it right. And that`s fine as long as those same managers come with the mindset that listening is different than hearing; openness and transparency to your people are essential for building the right procedures, setting up the best culture, and maintaining healthy relationships with co-workers.