Feedback that truly makes people shine

I have a love-hate relationship with feedback. The 'hate' comes from how feedback is often used in organizations - timed by others, with people you often don’t get to choose, about skills and topics you don’t select. Feedback that’s then used for purposes mostly determined by someone else. Feedback that is clouded by biases. Here are some key issues I’ve written about before in Dutch (https://www.frankwatching.com/archive/2024/08/29/hr-gesprekscyclus-kritiek/):?

1. Feedback with biases?

Women and people of color often receive more negative or stereotypical feedback, hiding their talents and limiting their opportunities.

2. Fixed mindset feedback?

Successful employees often get feedback that keeps them stuck in a pattern, like exaggerated praise. It doesn't help them grow and can even backfire.

3. Compliments with a downside?

Compliments focused only on personal traits or achievements can cause insecurity. Praising effort and process is much better for motivation.

4. Ranking and competition?

Labeling employees as "best" or "worst" often creates inequality and competition, especially when evaluations are based on subjective opinions.

5. Fixed views on talent development?

Over-focusing on results stifles growth and creativity. It locks people into a specific profile rather than encouraging development.

6. Feedback limits individuality?

Feedback often unintentionally pressures people to fit expectations, leading them to lose their authenticity in the pursuit of approval.

Inspired by Carol Sanford's book, I was tempted to say: No more feedback!

At the same time, I also believe: self-reflection isn’t something you do alone. You need others’ eyes to peel off the blinders and the layers of self-deception. You need an honest, fearless (yet supportive) mirror from trusted people to achieve self-discovery and self-acceptance.

That’s where the 'Profnar' (professional court jester) comes in—a role designed to hold up a mirror to leaders, drawing out truth from the organization and sharing it with those in power.

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Today, I had my first training day as a Profnar at Het NarrenGilde Academy . As part of it, I asked 14 people for feedback - just five simple questions. No slick, scientific lists of competencies, no five- or seven-point Likert scales. Yet, the learning and impact have been profound. Why??

• All questions are positively framed and talent focused.
• None of the questions are about "What should I change?" (which is about them, not me).
• I have a personal, relevant connection with all my feedback givers. I love them in a professional, personal, or intimate way. There's a balance between care and dare: because they know and care about me, I’m open to hearing everything. Their mirror is welcomed, and I'm ready to learn.

This isn’t soft. Their feedback shows me where I’m underutilizing my talents, sabotaging my own success, and where I stand out compared to others they know.

It is possible to give feedback that makes people shine and grow.?

Is feedback in your organization a dreaded task?

Have you asked your employees if the feedback they receive makes them shine?

I wrote this article in English due to the feedback and special request of my sweet little sister and the most skilled and amazing HR professional walking around on earth I know of: Erika Imreh ??