Feedback that's candid and caring

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could talk to one another and actually know what’s being said?

Instead dodging or disguising hard truths, we’d speak up , speak out, and speak often. We’d put candor before comfort. Too often, it’s the other way around: For some, it’s an aversion to conflict. For others, it’s the product of a feedback culture that plays “too nice.” Whatever the cause, people end up ducking issues instead of addressing them directly.

Just to be clear, candor isn’t a call for rudeness or a license to treat others badly. Quite the contrary: Candor is kind, especially when it’s delivered with care .

And in some cases, it can even help avert major disasters.

In a 1984 study , NASA researchers examined ways to improve air flight safety. In one study, cockpit crews made up of a pilot, copilot, and navigator participated in flight simulations in which a potential crash situation occurred. The study found that pilots who acted solely on their intuition were much more likely to crash the plane than pilots who asked other crew members to weigh in before deciding how to respond.

But it wasn’t just a matter of whether the pilot sought input from the crew. The underlying factor that determined flight safety was how often these open exchanges took place. Pilots and crewmembers with a history of candid give-and-take made fewer errors. They developed a cadence of candor that prevented operational mistakes from becoming irreversible disasters.

Here are a few ways you can make your feedback more candid while still maintaining a high degree of caring and connection:

Name it

Call out the issues that are simmering beneath the surface. Ask others for their candid take on the issues that they’re probably thinking about anyways but may be reluctant to express. Let people submit their concerns (anonymously, if necessary) in a shared document. Allow others to air their reservations in a drop box. When we make it safe to name the issue, we can tame the issue.

Shrink it

Size can be a candor killer. If you're gathering feedback from your team or a large employee pool, break up into smaller groups. Let each group hash out their feedback, then appoint a spokesperson to report back. Gathering feedback in smaller groups allows for more people to speak up and for candid voices to be heard.

Model it

Leaders should take the lead and model candor for their teams. Let others know how you see things and share your rationale. “Here’s where I’m sitting on this issue right now and I thought you’d want to know why.” This is especially important for building a culture of candor, since leaders get the behaviors that they model. If we model candor, we get more transparency and trust.

Reward it

Recognizing those who practice candor is a good way to get others to follow suit. Whether that’s in a face-to-face conversation, an email, or (better yet) at a team meeting, thank the individuals who are willing to raise the issues that need to be discussed. Then turn that appreciation into an invitation to elicit even more candor from others. “This is a really important point. Can anyone else weigh in on how we might incorporate this in our planning?”

How we share feedback matters, of course — a careful balance of challenge and support. But if we want to have the conversations that matter, we need more candor. We can’t address what we don’t acknowledge.

Keep fixing,

Joe

* * *

Dr. Joe Hirsch helps organizations design and deliver feedback without fear. He's a?TEDx ?and?global keynote speaker ?and the author of "The Feedback Fix ." Joe's work and research has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Forbes, CNBC, The Wall Street Journal, Inc. and other major outlets. He also hosts the popular podcast,?I Wish They Knew .

Stay connected:?YouTube ?|?X ?|?Speaking | Website