If your intention in giving feedback to someone, is to help them grow, then all feedback is positive.
Feedback is drawing attention to the difference (or similarity) between expectation and reality. It's not a judgment about the person and there's no need to get so stressed by doing it.
I'm sharing with you a revised version of a model I have shared with a few people over the years that I call I BOFF.
A few tips in giving feedback:
- Be clear about your intention (the why) before you deliver the feedback (the what).
- Check in with yourself first - is the reason they haven't hit the expectation because YOU weren't clear about what success was? Did you give them the appropriate support they needed?
- Be sure you focus on behaviour not their identity. Don't label them. For example "We agreed you'd hand me the report on Monday. It's Friday and I still haven't received it". This is factual. "You're lazy/sloppy" is a label and attacks their identity.
- Don't talk about positive and negative feedback. Feedback is feedback.
- Be clear of why you're doing it - is it to thank them; is it to coach them or is it to evaluate (as in a performance appraisal rating)?
- Ditch the 'praise sandwich'. We all know what we call that and it stinks. People prefer us to level with them. You don't need to sugar coat it. It insults intelligence.
- Be clear about the outcome or impact of the behaviour - maybe they weren't aware. Just raising it empowers them to make a choice.
- If you feel it's appropriate, tell them how you feel when this happens, but remember YOU are responsible for your own feelings - "I feel", NOT "you make me feel"
- If using BOFF, pause after the first F and let them figure out what they want to do differently in future - when people feel they have a sense of choice they are more motivated to act. Don'y just TELL them what to do. It might get compliance but it won't generate commitment.
- Thank them and make it clear that you're giving them this feedback because you care about them.
What are YOUR tips for ensuring feedback lands with the intention it was meant to?
