Fierce Feedback

Feedback can be intimidating and many want to avoid the potential discomfort from sharing it. But it is a powerful tool for improvement that should be embraced.

I'm reading Susan Scott’s book Fierce Conversations. I recommend it to anyone who wants to improve important interactions. It has me revisiting how to most effectively use feedback. She suggests creating an opening statement when preparing to give feedback or setting up important conversations.

Let's add her ideas to an overall framework for improving feedback in work and personal interactions.

Benefits of Feedback

Done right, feedback improves interactions and success. Start with the end in mind to set tone and mindset. Use feedback to:

• Build Trust: When people can express their ideas, learn from mistakes, and collaborate effectively, it encourages open communication and trust.
• Improve Retention: When people know what they do well and how to improve, they see more opportunities to grow themselves and their responsibilities.
• Improve Engagement: When people know what is expected, they feel more appreciation, motivation, and commitment.
• Get Better Outcomes: Feedback aligns values, creates opportunities to improve performance, reinforces positive behaviors, and supports success.

Timing

Remember that timely feedback is important for the best results. Don't save it up for the right moment. It is counterproductive to dredge up old issues. And don't pile on many observations in one feedback session. Take action when you first see a behavior.

Regularly scheduled interaction as part of your rhythm practice is ideal. ACT suggests that 360-degree feedback maximizes transparency and resulting growth. Managers and reports should practice giving and receiving mutual feedback on about a weekly basis as part of 'Transparency.' Start in regularly scheduled 1-to-1 meetings that incorporate feedback (and other ACT elements.) Work to make feedback a regular part of interactions.

The closer to the behavior, the better the chance for reflection, reinforcement, and prevention of entrenched behavior. Also, not all feedback should be negative. Catch people doing something positive and give happy feedback to reinforce the good.

Giving Feedback

A model that I find most useful when giving feedback is the GIVE model:

• Get permission.
• Identify the behavior
• Validate the person's feelings
• Explore openness to change

In detail, the person giving feedback will:

Get permission:

Start by asking the person receiving feedback if they are open to hearing it. This builds trust by showing that you respect their time and feelings. This is also a chance to communicate positive intent and help prepare mindsets for a productive conversation.

Identify the behavior:

Be specific about a recent observation. Include the situation, behavior, and impact witnessed. Stay focused on the behavior and facts. Indicate when you are discussing resulting feelings without assuming intent. Sit beside the receiver and work together on the issue.

Here is where the idea of an opening statement from Fierce Conversations comes in. This statement is meant to set up a productive dialogue from the start. Draft and practice your opening statement until it feels natural and sets the right tone.

In a brief opening statement (about a minute,) cover these points:

1. Name the Issue: “I want to talk with you about [the specific issue, behavior, or situation].”
2. Specific Example: “For example, during our [team meetings,] when [describe the behavior], it affected [the outcome or relationship].”
3. Emotions: “I feel [describe your emotions related to this issue].”
4. Stake: “What’s at stake here is [explain the importance and potential consequences to the business and the receiver].”
5. Contribution: “I recognize my contribution to this issue is that I [acknowledge your role in the issue like failure to give prior guidance, or other acts and omissions].”
6. Desire to Resolve: “I want to resolve this because [state your motivation to have a positive resolution to the issue including the benefit for the receiver].”
7. Invite a Response: “I’d like to learn your perspective. What’s going on from where you sit?”

In a condensed form, the statement could say: Are you open to discussing some feedback meant to help improve your team's effectiveness? Several individuals on your team and I are having a difficult time with how you... Let me give you one or two examples of what I’ve seen... This is what I’m feeling... and what I believe is at stake... I recognize my contribution to this outcome is... So that we can begin to resolve this issue, give me your take on the situation.

Validate the person's feelings:

Stay curious after inviting the response. Actively listen to ensure you understand how they feel about the issue, their behavior, or performance. Be empathetic and non-judgmental. Stay beside them, at least figuratively, for the discussion.

Explore openness to change:

Work together to focus on a desired outcome for next time and alternative behavior that may achieve it. When possible, agree on next steps for improvement. Thank them for being open to input.

Don't view this as a one-time opportunity. Feedback should be an ongoing dialogue and is best when it leads to coaching to ensure ongoing understanding and develop new skills that lead to the desired outcomes.

Receiving Feedback

For the person receiving feedback, stay curious, open, and appreciative throughout the process. It helps to view the feedback as a chance to refine your skills and grow. The response should acknowledge that the giver is acting with everyone's best interests in mind.

As a receiver of the Feedback:

1. Listen attentively , stay curious and in a growth mindset
2. Rephrase what you hear to begin a dialogue
3. Explore to share perspectives, your feelings, and clarify understanding
4. Thank and let the giver know that you will consider how to address the issue
5. Decide what changes, if any, you will make
6. When ready, share with the giver the actions you will take to resolve and reasoning
7. Follow-up to see if changes are effective

It is OK to take time to process feedback received if you are not immediately ready to respond after step 4. Avoid defensiveness and allow yourself time to absorb the information. Take a reasonable amount of time (usually no more than about a day) to reflect and get others' perspectives.

Work with the giver and trusted peers to find good solutions. When ready, share what actions you will take, and what outcomes you expect. Recruit someone to help you stay accountable to new actions. Check to see whether changes are having the desired effect.

If, after consideration, you decide no action is needed, explain your rationale to the giver and explore understanding.

Approach feedback, whether as a giver or receiver, with courage and authenticity. It's not about being 'right.' It is about finding the right path forward. You’ve got this!

How do you incorporate feedback to improve relationships with those you care about?

For more about the opening statement and initiating fierce feedback, see: Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time (p. 195-204).

Adventure humbly. Live boldly.