Feedback is a Gift. Make it one that people enjoy receiving!

Gift giving is an art. Some people are great at finding the perfect gift. I recently asked a friend of mine who is one of those amazing gift givers to share her secret with me. What was her reply? "It′s not about you. It′s about them." At first I thought, ofcourse it is. Then I thought of all those times I asked myself "If I were...I would love to get..." and then I thought of all those gifts over the years that I had received and thought...really, don′t they know me better than that?

If feedback is a gift, which I think it is, then how can we use this same principle to deliver better feedback? Don′t try to put yourself on the receiving end. Try to understand who is actually going to receive the feedback. How do they think? How do they operate? Here are a few questions to start with:

• What would they like to have?
• What will make them happy?
• What will surprise them? Touch them? Be valuable to them?

We all have gifts that we cherish. ?Most of those are ones that demonstrate to us the thought and care that went into preparing the gift. What if feedback could be just like giving the perfect gift? Done right, it is!

Good feedback is positive feedback

Good feedback is clear and actionable. It is not sugar coated, nor is it harsh or hurtful. Good feedback is positive feedback.

Why only positive feedback? Aren′t you leaving out the most important stuff?

For those of you who value constructive feedback and know that understanding what to improve is crucial to your development and success, don′t get angry with me just yet. ?You are 100% correct on appreciating the value of constructive feedback. ?I know many of you have fond memories of those moments and those managers who had the interest and the skills to teach you those hard lessons and to tell you what you needed to know in order to improve. For many of you, those were pivotal moments in your career. Your managers were probably skilled at giving feedback, and you are the type of person who has the resilience to hear it and interiorize it. You have the drive and desire to use that information to improve.?Not everyone has one or both of these people in their professional lives.

What is positive feedback?

Framing areas of improvement as opportunities to grow and develop that will add value to the receiver and others around them. At the same time it is supportive and motivational. The recipient should leave a feedback conversations excited, energized, uplifted and ready to take on what′s ahead.

What types of leaders are equipped to give good positive feedback?

Those leaders are what I like to call 3C′s leaders. They are:

1)????Confident: a leader who demonstrates that they believe in themselves and in others

2)????Courageous: Giving feedback is hard. Reframing negative feedback into something positive is even harder. Keeping your own emotions in check and delivering a clear and non-loaded message takes a lot of emotional regulation and executive presence. The courageous leader steps up to this challenge and works on their own development in order to accomplish this.

3)????Compassionate: Listening to others, taking into account their needs and then taking action to support them on those needs. Compassion is not a passive state, it′s all about action.??

How do you give constructive feedback in a positive way?

I started using and guiding others to use this three step process:

1)????Frame improvements as opportunities for growth

2)????Create a vision of what it will look like when an improvement has been made

3)????Help the person break down the objective into smaller, measurable and concrete milestones that can be achieved and ..guess what, celebrated with more positive reinforcement.

?Let′s look at an example that follows the 3 steps mentioned above.

Imagine you have a member of your team who does great work, but has a passive communication style and doesn′t command the attention of his colleagues or management. You want to give him feedback that will help him have more of a voice and presence. He has valuable things to say that deserve to be heard and he deserves to be recognized by others for his work.

Following the three step process you could:

1)????Tell him that he is doing great work and that you would like him to have more of a showcase for it.?(this sounds quite different from; you need to communicate more assertively because no one listens to you when you speak).

2)????Help him picture the positive outcome:

You will grab the attention of your colleagues and of management. Your ideas will be heard. They will listen, consider your viewpoint and recognize the value you have to add to the organization. The other departments that you now struggle to convince will understand what value you can offer to their work and will seek you out to make sure they have your input so they can work more effectively and generate better results.

3)????Create a step by step plan. Here I will detail an example of what a first step could look like in our example.?

First, let′s try sending a different type of email to Bill that will prompt him to read your reports and get back to you. (The employee is currently sending an email asking his colleague to please read his report when he has time- it′s not effective). So you can say something like: Bill, here is a report that will show you X and X that will be useful for you in doing Y. After you review the report, let′s schedule a call to clarify Z and decide on next steps.

The employee now has their first milestone to complete with some specific and actionable feedback on how to do it.??

This type of positive feedback structure is applicable to almost any situation at work and in life. Next time you are frustrated with someone and have a hard time not getting emotional, or you are a bit uneasy about giving some constructive feedback, try out this POSITIVE FEEDBACK method and see how it works for you.

#feedback #communication #emotionalregulation #executivepresence #managing #executivecoaching #leadership #confidence #courage #compassion

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Facilitation, Appreciation, and Empowerment are leadership superpowers.

Leadership is not determined by title. It is about who you are and how you interact with others. Great leaders are lifelong learners. They are focused on continuous improvement, and strengthening their ability to adapt and to face challenges as learning opportunities.

What are you doing now to be a great leader?

What can you start doing tomorrow?

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Thanks,

Michele