Feedback is a gift

About 15 years ago, a dear friend of mine said "Davina, you've got to understand that the car you drive says something about you. And right now your car isn't saying good things". It made me laugh. And so did my car at the time. A clapped out white Toyota Corolla with big headlights that looked like eyes, which I called Snoopy. It made me chuckle whenever I saw it. I knew it was a bit rubbish, but all I needed was a runaround and I'm not at all materialistic, so how it looked or what it might have said about me wasn't an issue. Needless to say it didn't prompt a new car purchase.

Years earlier he'd stopped me in my tracks skiing in France. The way he did it made me think we were in danger. He looked me directly in the eyes and in a panicked voice asked if I'd remembered to buy a ski pass. A stickler for doing the right thing, my brain immediately went into overdrive. Had I? Maybe I forgot? Did it not cover this area? "I have, yes, I'm sure I have" I replied. To which he laughed and said, "Then will you stop going so bloody slow and looking uphill to give way to everyone else! You've got as much right to be here as they have". He was right, I'd been so worried about everyone else I'd stopped having fun and it was just the nudge I needed.

This guy is a legend. A true friend and mentor over the past 30 years. He picked me up, put me back on my feet and brushed me off after many a set-back. And I know that he's done the same for hundreds of others too. It's part of his DNA. It's his thing. Not with any expectation in return, he could just see the potential in everyone even when they couldn't see it in themselves.

I'm lucky to have a wonderful network of family, friends, colleagues, mentors and coaches who collectively give me this kind of gentle encouragement and feedback on a regular basis, each in their own special way. It's a source of strength, knowing they have my back, and allows me to be a little more courageous than I would if I was figuring it out on my own.

Sometimes the feedback is positive and other times it's not (and that can be hard to hear, right?). Sometimes it's useful, other times it's not. Sometimes I act on it, other times I don't (like the car!). But I treat every piece of feedback like a gift. A wise HR manager (Jo) once told me that even if you disagree with the feedback, take a minute to imagine what you might do differently if just 1% were true. That's pure magic right there. To suck up the anger, embarrassment or indignation and think 'what could I learn from this?'. That has stuck with me ever since.

As a feedback convert I even bought everyone in my team a feedback diary, to capture the positive comments that people often throw our way and we choose to ignore or shrug off as 'just doing our job'. I'd encourage them to write those comments down and take a moment to appreciate the gift that had been exchanged. Allow themselves to believe it and recognise their value. They mocked me relentlessly (in a nice way) but I hope some of it rubbed off.

So the message I guess is don't wait for it to come your way. Seek it out. Ask for it. Even if it does feel a bit weird.

If you want to give it a try, ask 5 people from different parts of your life, who you trust and respect, to share with you:

• What one word or phrase describes me best?
• What do you think is my greatest achievement?
• What do you value most about me?
• What one thing could I change for my own benefit?
• What do you believe to be my greatest stength?

They might just surprise you with their answers, or offer some insights you hadn't considered before. You might learn something new. Do something different. Or just hold it lightly for a moment and then let it pass. You have nothing to lose.

I hope you enjoyed this article and feel inspired to try something new.

Get in touch if you’d like to talk about a change you’re making, or would like some help designing the way you manage change in your business. I’d love to hear from you.

Davina

? With thanks and in memory of a fabulous friend who is sadly gone but will never be forgotten and lives on in the gifts he shared so freely ?

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If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Davina, founder of Change Ready. I help leaders and their teams develop the skills and confidence to make change that matters at work. I offer a range of workshops, coaching and delivery options. If you'd like to talk about a change you're working on, message me on LinkedIn, or book a free call on my website. I'd love to hear from you.?

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#FeedbackIsAGift