The Feedback Awakening: Your Opening Move

Think about the last time you experienced fear.

Meise, a charming small town located northwest of Brussels in Belgium, boasts 20,000 residents, cozy restaurants, a big park, and a cemetery. A mile from the town center lies an old farmstead, transformed by a former professional football player into a hotel and event space. Thanks to my collaboration with Elia, the Belgian energy company, I had the opportunity to conduct two training sessions in the old stable. Its ancient wood and creative lighting make it one of the most stunning and unique venues I've encountered.

All of Meise's restaurants are situated around the town center. Whenever I dined out, I would walk back that mile, passing the cemetery and the vast, dark park nearby. My breathing and heartbeat would accelerate, triggered by fear, an irrational fear. Or perhaps, not so irrational.

Have you watched "Inside Out," the Pixar film? If not, here's a brief summary: Eleven-year-old Riley moves to San Francisco from Minnesota, grappling with her new life and her core emotions: Fear, Anger, Joy, Disgust, and Sadness.

Fear, anger, disgust, sadness—four negative emotions, all serving a protective purpose. A dark, expansive park signals danger. My fear keeps me alert, a fundamental instinct for survival. Our predisposition towards negative emotions is, after all, a mechanism designed to ensure our survival.

Unfortunately, this negativity spills over into our everyday language. When we think something is good, we say "Not bad." When something functions properly, we say "No problem."

When it comes to giving feedback, the narrative remains the same:

"I didn't like how you [...]."

"What was missing is [...]."

"You speak too [...]."

"You are very [...]."

"You shouldn't have [...]."

Negative emotions may be crucial for survival, but negative feedback kills. Has negative feedback ever truly facilitated growth? Does it serve any purpose other than putting down the recipient? Isn't negative feedback more useless than an ashtray on a motorbike?

It's time to eliminate negative feedback and adopt PLUS and PLUSPLUS feedback.

Plus-Feedback

Plus-feedback involves telling people what they did well and why. Without the "why," it's merely a feel-good remark. A compliment, as studies show, is always processed positively by our brains, motivating us further. But does it help us to learn and grow?

For instance, when a speaker receives feedback like "I loved his humor" during my training sessions, the receiver appreciates it, but I dig deeper: "Which of the eight humor patterns that I have learned about did the speaker employ? Self-deprecation? Irony? Hyperbole? Together with the training team, I explore the reason behind the laugh.

In the end, my feedback is, "I love how you used your rural accent to humorously reflect on your upbringing, making you appear relatable, vulnerable, and authentic. Continue to use self-deprecation to connect with your audience."

This detailed feedback provides the recipient with something concrete to learn from, moving beyond mere motivation.

PlusPlus-Feedback

PlusPlus-feedback shifts the focus from the past-oriented "why" to the future-oriented "how"—how to improve in the future. This often poses a greater challenge since many feedback givers lack specific suggestions for improvement, using vague directives like "Make it better!" Reflecting on my experience at KPMG, such feedback would leave me wondering, 'Great idea, but how?'

In my world of rhetoric and charisma, effective PlusPlus-feedback might say, "For better transitions and audience attention, consider moving more on stage. Not constantly. That would be the lion in the cage. Purposeful movements. For instance, when discussing your childhood, moving to your right symbolically takes you 'back in time' from your audience’s point of view, helping them follow your narrative transitions and be more attentive."

Merely suggesting “You could use more stage movements” remains as vague as saying, “Make it better!” By providing specific, actionable advice, however, PlusPlus feedback becomes a wonderful fertilizer of growth.

From Feedback Talk to Feedback Culture

After having facilitated more than 14,400 feedback rounds in my training sessions across Europe and the US, I conclude that Plus and PlusPlus-feedback works wonders.

It works wonders on an individual level. I have witnessed in thousands of cases incredible personal growth in just two days. More self-confidence, more self-esteem, more humor, more story, more authenticity, more connection – it’s a long list of mores.

It also works wonders on a team level. Once people buy into and promote the power of eliminating Minus-feedback, team mechanics improve automatically.

Christopher Ratsch, Member of the Board at Mast-J?germeister, says, “The feedback approach of PLUS and PLUSPLUS has transformed both the mindset and attitude of my team and reformed our way of working.”

In 2015, in Berlin, I met an old client of mine in the street. He had joined a training of mine at his gaming company two years earlier. With a big smile on his face, he said, “You know what’s the best of these training sessions? Feedback has turned into a culture. I now receive emails saying, ‘How can we improve our project?’ That is truly amazing.”

The company of my dreams has completely eliminated negative and destructive feedback and replaced it with positive and constructive feedback only. In the company of my dreams, there are no annual feedback talks, no 360os. In the company of my dreams giving and receiving feedback has become part of the culture. Plus and PlusPlus in the cafeteria, in the hallway, in the online meeting, after a presentation - Plus and PlusPlus everywhere.

Is it a long and bumpy road to feedback heaven? Yes. Our human negativity is deeply rooted. So what if we took advantage of another human trait that is deeply rooted? The love for playing games.

Gamifying Your Feedback

What if you had a simple game that you could play in all your teams regularly? A feedback game where negative feedback is excluded from the gameplay? A game where your team members can only give positive and constructive feedback?

Below, you find the first draft of the game. Print it out, play it, and feel the magic of Plus and PlusPlus.

It will be your feedback awakening.

Next time I am in Meise, in that charming small town located northwest of Brussels in Belgium, and I pass the cemetery and the vast, dark park, once again my breathing and heartbeat will accelerate. Once again I will feel this irrational fear. But deep inside of me, I will smile thinking that, at least, I could overcome that negativity in my feedback.