February 27, 2024

We are about halfway through our latest cohort of a six-week management program called "Building Better Bosses" and this week, we were discussing coaching.

Even though most leaders would say they are good coaches, I find that the majority don't actually coach. They tell. They fix. They train. But they don't coach.

Coaching is Socratic; it's drawing out. Training is pouring in.

Think of it this way. If I have a direct report and they have successfully done this thing in the past, but they aren't doing it now, there is a reason for that. My job is to get through the baggage, barriers, and head trash to figure out why they aren't doing what they know how to do.

That's coaching.

Training is when my direct report has never done this thing successfully, and that requires me to describe the steps, walk them through it, and be directive.

War stories and campfire tales about how you used to do it 'back in the day' isn't coaching.

Being fixated on fixing them isn't coaching.

Most leaders spend very little time coaching. Yet, we know that retention improves, engagement increases, performance is enhanced, and people grow in coaching environments.

This week, put on your coaching hat. Ask questions. Resist the urge to fix or tell. People often know the answers to their problems; they know what to do.

Give them space to discover for themselves the solutions and ideas to help them reach their goals.

The Huddle is a weekly newsletter that is designed for leaders. Leaders must be learners. There is never a moment when leaders arrive. It's a never-ending growth process. I hope this can be a resource that you can use to stay sharp and share with your team.

With that, here are some things I ran across this week.

The Story of Everybody, Somebody, and Nobody - This tale involves four characters: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. An important job needed doing, and Everybody was certain Somebody would handle it. Anybody was capable, yet Nobody took the initiative. Somebody became frustrated because it was, after all, Everybody's responsibility. Everybody assumed Anybody could step in, but Nobody acknowledged that Everybody might not take action. Ultimately, Everybody pointed fingers at Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

From an insightful article by Lolly Daskal, this story brings to light crucial insights for leaders. Reflecting on it, I considered a standout trait among the top performers in any field compared to their counterparts: the unwavering commitment to taking 100% responsibility for their results. Not 90%. Not 50%. Imagine the transformation within your team under such a culture—every member assumes full responsibility for the outcomes achieved. No blaming the economy, no citing bad luck, nor attributing failures to inflation, competition, or any external factors.

100% responsibility. That's the hallmark of a winning mindset.

Thanks to client Travis Klein for posting this article on his LinkedIn page recently.

Forensic Listening- I've known Chip Massey for a few years now—he has been a client in our sales training programs and we've also done some one-on-one coaching. I'm very excited about the book that he and his business partner launched back in the Fall. I've read it and highly recommend it for your library.

Chip has an interesting background. Once a pastor, he spent several years working in the FBI as a hostage negotiator. Now, he helps in the areas of negotiation and crisis management.

One of the techniques I like (that I first read about in his book) is the concept of forensic listening. Chip defines it as "the art of finding and listening to clues. It's when and how they pause, what they emphasize, and what their tone of voice indicates."

He talks about it here.

Pick an upcoming meeting on your calendar and challenge yourself to really listen. Be a forensic listener. Listen for clues, and notice the pauses. Squint with your ears.

It's not natural and it's hard. But I find when I'm present and intentional about being a forensic listener, my conversations are much more productive.

You can also hear Chip and Adele Gambardella discuss the key principles from their book on my podcast.

Culture - If you own a business, or lead a team, what is the culture of the team? How much time and energy do you give to building and developing the culture?

Sometimes, I hear people say some version of "We are working on building our culture." That's not an accurate statement. You have built a culture. The question is whether it's intentional or if it's been allowed to develop organically. Too often, it's the latter, and the culture isn't contributing to the success of the company or team.

My son was on a baseball team a few years ago that trumpeted culture. If you saw the head coach being interviewed, he talked about "our culture" this and "our culture" that. It was seen as something that differentiated this team, that "winning culture."

In truth, it was a toxic culture. Coaches who couldn't get along. Players who were just "pieces" to help the coaching staff win another game. No acknowledgment of players as people—good people, even. Just baseball players. One of the long-time coaches quit in the middle of the season. I was reminded of Emerson: "What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say."

They didn't win.

It turns out that talking about culture is different than actively doing the things that result in the culture you want.

There is no greater example of culture, to me than the New Zealand national rugby team, the All-Blacks. Watch this short video, and ask yourself, "How can I bring that to my business or team?"

A couple of quotes caught my ear. "Their responsibility is to enhance the legacy" and "Good people make good teams."

Good Questions for Mid-Career - Experts say that turning 40 is a significant milestone for most people. Well into your life, it's that point on the timeline where reflections may occur. Am I happy? Is my family life the way I imagined? Am I doing important work? Is it too late?

It's the prime age for a mid-life crisis.

It's easy to get off kilter. Life is not easy, and it feels like it's harder now than it's ever been. Interest rates are high, houses are bidding wars, and public schools are mostly mediocre. Our parents didn't change jobs very often. My father worked for the same coal company from the age of 21 until his death. In his time, that was not unusual. Today, we have a lot more options.

And that creates a lot more stress.

This article from the Harvard Business Review offers six questions to ask mid-career. We have but one life and one chance to live it. We should aim to live it well.

A quote to leave you with

Have a great week!