Fearless Congruence

My Origin

In college I started a company with my brother. When we started it, we had a vision of building a place where people could gather to learn from others, build their business, and have a sense of community. We set out on our adventure and determined our first step was to make enough money to support others and bring them together. To truly build a community of like-minded strivers who serve each other to the best of their ability.

To this day, we still both have this vision, and we still both deeply desire it. In many ways, we built it. We had to scrounge, and push, and strive, but we brought together our favorite people and began working with them. It was one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done in my life.

Working with my brother, however, was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. It's so easy for me to be condescending with my big brother who, for most of my life, was a source of great annoyance for me. He's the one who got me to say "Hell" for the first time in my life. Which is a feat. He's incredibly annoying.

But he's my older brother, and I love him. Working with him has enabled me to increase my ability to reign in my words and tone. If I can do it with my brother, I can do it with anyone.

Six years pass working at our company and I've learned and grown so much. I've graduated college as a mathematician. I'm building mobile apps, video games, smart contracts, cryptocurrencies in my free time (Math degree comes in handy here). I'm no longer speaking to my brother like I'm better than him. We had gathered an amazing group of friends that had built a software suite similar to SAP that spanned multiple companies and nations! For all of that I am incredibly grateful, but even with all of that I felt as if I had reached the cap on my growth. I was struggling to find passion for the work I was doing. I needed change. I craved personal growth and learning. If I don't have that personal growth I feel lost and without purpose.

At this point in my life, I had dreamt of making instructional video games for almost 15 years and of teaching and serving at a higher degree and with greater influence for almost 6 years. While I was teaching my coworkers and helping them learn, I still wasn't teaching at the level I desired. I felt wasn't building my games at the speed I required of myself. I felt unfulfilled in the company I had started with my brother, and I was doing things on a daily basis that I had no desire to do. Things that sucked the life, joy, and passion out of my heart, all because I wasn't feeling Congruent to my best self. In many ways I felt caged. The company still needed me, but I was not passionate about our work, and for me that passion is my lifeblood. I live for adventure, I live to be Fearless, I live to be Congruent.

I was also scared. I was terrified that my life was slipping through my fingers, while also terrified that if I leaped somewhere else I wouldn't make it and that our company would fail without my presence. I was terrified that I wasn't having the impact I was destined for, that I wasn't chasing my dreams with the full force of my spirit, that I wasn't hurling my Spear of Purpose into the lands of opportunity and chasing it down with abandon.

And the cherry on the cake: I didn't feel that I could look my Maker in the eyes and say "I fully pursued the purpose you inscribed in my soul and on my heart."

My conclusion was that, in spite of all of the wonderful things our company had built and people we brought together, I was living in a cage of my own creation. It did not bring me the joy, connection, or happiness that I wanted.

I knew I needed to craft my own life, but I felt I didn't have the tools to do so.

Then, one week I was on a date with a girl who said something that lit a fire in my belly. She said "You know, in college we spent so much time and money investing in ourselves. We just don't do that anymore."

That statement has changed my entire life.

That statement caused me to become Fearlessly Congruent.

Because of that statement I built a one year plan to extricate myself from my company, I found my wife, I faced and continue to face my fears with the full force of my soul, and I am now blessed to be more excited, joyful, and enthusiastic than I ever have been in my life.

I sincerely hope that you make the decision, right now, to invest more heavily in your own personal development. It's time to invest in yourself. It's time to make your leap, whatever that may be.

Fearless Congruence

As I am a mathematician and software developer with a fierce love of clear definitions, let me give you one now: Fearless Congruence is consistently performing your next right action of integrity.

It requires a willingness to face yourself, in all your glory and faults.

It requires doing the work to know what you value and treasure.

Finally, It requires commitment to action based on your own values.

Just the fact that you're reading this right now means you're on the path to Fearless Congruence. Those who make personal development a way of life are those who find themselves courageous in the face of terror, and congruent to their highest self.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

I need you to know the joy of victory and the satisfaction of failure.

For that to happen, and for you to get the most out of this blog post, I need you to commit, right now, to be in that arena with your face marred by dust and sweat and blood, your mind fully engaged, and your heart on the line.

I need you to commit to becoming Fearlessly Congruent, whatever that looks like for you.

Say these commitments to yourself. Out loud. Use your voice to command your soul and spur yourself into action.

Why is Fearless Congruence so powerful?

It is my belief that the greatest emotional and mental pain that you will ever feel is due to incongruence with yourself.

You say or do something, but you don't mean it.

You act one way but know at the bottom of your heart that you should be doing the complete opposite thing.

You go along with the crowd when you know you shouldn't.

You promise a particular course of action to a coworker, but you go back on your word.

Broken lives and incongruent souls are built by should have done. And the worst part about all of it? Every time you act against your inner voice you feel shame. Shame that you didn't strive. Shame that you didn't have more courage. Shame that you lied so blatantly. So much shame that it weighs on you. Crushes you. And eventually, you numb the feeling because you just can't handle it anymore.

Fearless Congruence is powerful because it removes the burdens of fear and the emotional weight of lies. It renders an individual free to act as their highest self. A person who is Fearlessly Congruent is consistently makes their next right action of integrity. Which means they stick to their word. They speak only the truth, or as Jordan Peterson says: At least they don't lie. They speak up when they know a course of action is incorrect, and they refuse to go along with the crowd that condones those incorrect actions.

I felt shame for not striving to rise above the perceived limitations I had in my company. I felt shame for not speaking up when I felt our path was veering us away from our long-term goal.

For a long time, I had caged myself into believing that this was the only path available to me. That because I had given so much to my brother and my company, that I couldn't step away and onto a different path.

Breaking out of my self-imposed cage took courage, effort, focus, energy, and intention. 

It will take the same from you.

The rewards were satisfaction, enduring peace, soulful connection, amazing companionship, and joy.

You may describe your rewards differently than I do once you have them, but they will still be a vast treasure for you.

Let us begin our adventure.

Let us step into the Arena.

The Arena

Let us imagine the Arena as a vast open world. This open world is full of others who are striving as we are. It is complete with dragons and monsters and demons who are worthy foes. It has mountains of treasures guarded by those very same foes. The other strivers in this arena are fighting their own battles, seeking treasures that are special to them. This is our Arena of Life.

Some people are on the sidelines, watching those in the Arena. You may be among them. You may be cheering others on. But if you aren't in the Arena, I know that you don't know the joy of victory and the satisfaction of failure.

Each dragon we see guards a treasure. Each of our self-spawned demons grows strong in our indolence. Some of the other people in the Arena are against us. They fight for the dragons and with our demons. They try to distract us or force us out of the Arena. This is a sad fact of the Arena of Life: Those who lack the tools necessary to be Fearlessly Congruent will commonly strive to tear into others who are. These sad souls can be seen by their fruits. Their face may be marred with dust and sweat, but their actions are not those of someone who is living congruently with their highest self.

While in the Arena, we must be wary of these destructive detractors; monsters dressed as men. While they may mean well, they are foes like any other. We must not allow them to dictate our actions, force us out of the Arena through placating words, or otherwise hinder us. Those who are Fearless and Congruent inspire anger and animosity in the hearts of those who refuse to face their own fears, who lack the willingness to rise to their best self.

Let us honor each dragon, respect each monster, and fully engage with each of our demons. Each is an opportunity for personal growth and treasure.

Fearless Congruence requires many things. We shall focus on three powerful practices that will enable your Fearless Congruence, and one practice to be wary of as you venture into the Arena of Life.

We must be willing to dare greatly, to strive and fail, to win and lose.

We must define our greatest self by crafting our purpose.

We must find allies who are equally as unyielding as we are.

Lastly we must slay our pride.

"Am I Willing?"

When faced with a foe that we know we must conquer but do not wish to, we must ask ourselves: "Am I willing?" and then we must force the answer to be a firm and resounding "YES!"

By exercising our ability to choose our mindset and attitude, coupled with a beautifully powerful question, we can consistently act in a way that is Congruent with our best selves.

Perhaps you must ask yourself if you are willing to enter the Arena. Maybe you must ask yourself if you are willing to clean your house, get out of bed, workout, or start that business. We all have things we avoid, and you do not do anything unless you are willing to do it. Even coercion requires your willingness to cooperate.

Thus, the next time we find ourself before a foe we know we must vanquish, but do not wish to fight, ask ourself: "am I willing?" We must then force ourself to say yes (I did this with taxes this year. Best experience with taxes I've ever had).

Do this, and we will always be willing to step into the Arena as our Fearlessly Congruent selves.

Craft Your Purpose

What does Fearless Congruence look like to you? Your special kind of Fearless Congruence requires a powerful and clear definition, or you will have no desire to strive for it. You cannot strive for my definition of Fearless Congruence, thus you must build your own. You must craft your purpose, for clarity in this domain is strength.

Craft your own commitment to being in the Arena of Life. Build your purpose and share it with others. It's easy to do but few will do it, I'll give you the best template I have found for crafting one's purpose in the Arena:

To be. To do. So that.

Our first step to getting ourselves into that arena is building a vision of who we will strive to be every single day of our lives. Imagine your highest self. What state of being would they embody? How would they show up?

Here's mine: The purpose of my life is to be a beacon of courage, love, and joy

The next step is determining the actions we will take. Envision your most purposeful and meaningful day, week, month, or year. What things would you do? What actions would you take? These should be broad and far reaching. They should impact many areas of your life.

Here are my actions: to actively engage in every experience, to serve with the full force and excellence of my soul.

Our last step to being in the Arena is to visualize our outcomes. Imagine the impact you wish to have on family, friends, and acquaintances. Visualize the results of your best self and greatest actions. This is your "so that", your reason to strive.

My reasons, the impact I'm striving to create: so that I might empower others to rise above their limitations, cherish their loved ones, and grow closer to their spiritual beliefs.

Here's my complete mission statement that I repeat to myself to keep myself Fearlessly Congruent and in the Arena:

The purpose of my life is to be a beacon of courage, love, and joy, to actively engage in every experience, to serve with the full force and excellence of my soul, so that I might empower others to rise above their limitations, cherish their loved ones, and grow closer to their spiritual beliefs.

I invite you to craft your own purpose and write it down.

Defining your purpose will help you rise above your limitations. It will give you a clear benchmark with which you can judge your actions and character.

With your purpose in hand you can enter the arena with clarity of thought and intention.

You can begin to know the joy of victory and the satisfaction of defeat.

You will be on your way to being Fearlessly Congruent.

Find Our Allies

If we strive alone in the Arena of Life we will quickly realize our inability to overcome certain foes through our own will alone. We may be incredibly capable individuals, but that does not mean we are all-knowing or all-powerful. We are limited to our own Knowledge and capacity.

Our task must then be to find allies in the Arena who are as unyielding as we are in their intentions to change their world, to live Fearless and Congruent with their best selves. Perhaps we find them on the sidelines of the Arena, watching in with wistful eyes and challenge them to walk with us. Maybe we find them as we battle different dragons and or our own demons. Just as there will always be monsters dressed as men to tear us down, there will always be friendly faces there to lift us up, if we but look for them.

Let us seek these angels out. Make our intentions clear to those around us. Tell them we are looking for allies. Friends who can go and fight the dragons with us, or support us as we conquer our demons.

Wherever they may be, or whoever they are, they are there, and I promise, with every fiber of my being, that they can be found. A friend from childhood, a parent, a sibling, a relative. They are there often just waiting for us to ask for their help.

As we find our allies, we can share our Knowledge with them, as they share theirs with us. We can build tightly knit communities that do not waver in the face of mighty foes and that can claim the treasures that are guarded by our toughest enemies.

We can build a community of individuals who act honestly, uprightly, Fearlessly, and Congruently just as we do.

Slay Your Pride

The greatest demon we must be wary of is that of our Pride. He is the destroyer of everything we seek to be. He is the result of untended Ambition. We can imagine him as a beast that sucks our power from us as we retract from our Allies and begin trusting in our own power too much. By leaning into the beast of Pride, we relinquish control of our Willpower to our greatest demon. Why? Because if Pride rules us, our Willpower is consistently used to protect that which we have even until it has rotted and decayed. Because if Pride rules us, we no longer learn and are distracted from the very purpose that brought us into the Arena. Because if Pride rules us, we will place ourselves above our Allies and quickly destroy them if we deem it necessary for our own survival. The answers become clear, because *we* are the solution and no one else has better ones. We have given our ambition and power of choice over to a beast that seeks only self-preservation.

As we destroy our relationships to preserve ourselves, we find ourselves alone. In our solitude we grow weak and narrow-minded, refusing to accept ideas that conflict with our world order. Soon we find ourselves unable to defeat even the weakest of foes, and if we refuse to turn and face our demon of Pride, we eventually leave the Arena with a plethora of excuses for why we couldn't continue to dare greatly.

The antidote to Pride? Consistently wielding the sword of our Willpower *in the service of others*, obsessively *reflecting* on our Tomes of Knowledge, and, the most important piece, sharing that Knowledge with others. Pride is diminished by our selfless actions, crushed by mindful reflection, and destroyed by consistent soulful interactions with others.

If we can build the practice of using our Willpower in the service of another, reflecting on our actions, and mentoring others through their struggles every day, Pride will be dragged into the scorching light of compassion. We will consistently and ambitiously be Fearlessly Congruent.

I feel it is important to state that there is a difference between the Pride that sets oneself above our peers and the pride that brings satisfaction. Being proud of oneself, and our accomplishments in the Arena, whether they be victories or failures, is akin to being *satisfied* with our labors. In our self-reflection, we should strive to be satisfied with each of our struggles even as we honor the difficulty of each. This form of pride does not set us above another but forms the foundation for our self confidence. We must never allow dissatisfaction with our hard work to drive too deeply into our soul, it will only weaken the very foundation that allows our Fearless Congruence.

Your Adventure

We have discussed being willing to enter the Arena and fight the foes who await us.

We have a clear practice to bring clarity to our best self every. Single. Day.

We have thought of the allies we need to knit together into a community that drives us forward.

And lastly we have determined the greatest demon we will face in the Arena and how we can reign him into submission.

With these simple yet powerful practices you are now able to step into the Arena of Life as a willing, purposeful, and passionate individual. 

You can step into the Arena Fearlessly Congruent.

As I said at the beginning. I need you in the Arena. Many won't take the practices I have provided above and capture them. Many won't ask if they are willing, or craft their purpose, or intentionally seek their allies. And many will allow their Pride to rule them.

I invite you, with the full force of my soul, to begin your adventure by stepping into your Arena of Life.

Because your adventure lives at the edges of your known world, and the Arena is the only way to find those edges; to step out of the cages of your own creation; to spend yourself in a worthy cause; to serve with the full force and excellence of your soul; to have your courage challenged by dragons and demons; to forge your soul into an unyielding and unbending blade of integrity.

It is the only place where you can truly be Fearlessly Congruent.