TO FEAR YOUR TRUE SELF

I cannot afford to be afraid.

Because if I fear I will die.

I cannot afford to believe that the best work of my hand is in my past.

And every other work that emanates from me will be mediocre, a let down, a disappointment, a he -- has - written - better - before.

If I allow myself to think of this.

Focus.

Reflect.

On the inadequacy of my work in the present or future.

As compared to the best work of my past.

Then I will freeze.

If I freeze.

Nothing else will come forth.

If nothing else comes forth, then, I will no longer exist even though I still exist.

After all what am I without my work?

A hollow husk twirling through existence.

Even though I know that this genius they say I have is actually the spirit of the Divine that visits me.

The spirit that finds me surrendered.

And then uses me to achieve its purpose.

So the accolades are not for me even though they are showered on me.

It is for that spirit that finds me worthy.

The spirit of God.

So I will keep showing up to write.

To create.

Believing that the spirit of God will show up too.

That supernatural meeting of the divine and me.

That births the wonders the world sees.

So let me not tire in sowing words in the vine yards of man.

While the Divine keeps fertilising my words with profound thoughts.

And my best work will be in my future.

And even if it is in my past.

That is okay too.

For my work will somehow find a foothold in someone.

Somewhere.

And in its own way still achieve the purpose for which it was created.

So I will not be afraid.

To create.

So please do not be afraid for me.

For there is no failure only life.

And life is whatever you make it out to be.

For me it is enlightenment, growth, sacrifice, charity, compassion, empathy, tolerance, fulfilment, joy and love.

The very things in the heart of my work.

And the essence of my being.

I cannot afford to be afraid of being me.

Johannesburg 

Jude Idada

January 14, 2019