A Fear of Water

Plumbing is a rich yet underappreciated subject for stories. Yes, really. I know the imagery that jumps to your mind is probably less than interesting but hear me out.

Let’s start with pipes. Unless you’re talking about biceps is there a less interesting word in the English language? Pipes are only the beginning though, even though they are most often seen as the star performer of this subject. But plumbing involves so many other typically unsung characters who each have the power to steal the spotlight. 

Take water. Without it there would be no purpose and no story. What would be the point of plumbing if there was no water? It would just be objet d’art. Which is fine but kind of useless behind drywall.

How about sinks and showers and tubs? Ah, now the excitement builds because images of those fixtures conjure up outlines in your mind of people using them, right?

But I want to turn the spotlight to probably the most unsung of the unsung actors of the plumbing play. Caulking - that easily ignorable strip of what looks like plastic (but is actually silicone) that seals the edges of fixtures to prevent water from escaping. When it performs well it is unnoticeable. When it fails, catastrophe can ensue.

Being a proactive guy, with a particularly geeky knack for noticing details of my surroundings, I recently decided I should get ahead of a potential crisis and replace all the caulking in our shower. Straight-forward project with a clear and measurable outcome. Simple, right? If I execute properly - and there’s not even a strict requirement to be super neat about it – I could save thousands of dollars of repair bills and insurance claims. And since we live in a condominium, I could prevent a lot of inconvenience for our downstairs neighbors... during a pandemic... with stay-at-home orders firmly in place.

Wise decision to get ahead of the problem (taps his temple with index finger).

But I really wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to buy supplies from a company other than that MASSIVE company everyone including me uses for everything. So I went online and ordered from another company.

• The site showed there was stock available.
• It was concerning that the site didn’t tell me how long it would take for the order to be ready before I could swing by for curbside pickup; it did say, however, that I would have to wait for their email letting me know.
• Proceeding, I needed a caulking gun and so I added that to the cart.
• I also saw they had a 50% sale on a torque wrench (unrelated to the plumbing story, I hoped) and threw that in the cart too.
• As soon as I placed the order I received a message telling me it would be ready in 5 days(!). Okay, I cut companies slack during pandemics. But, then again, we've been at this pandemic thing for roughly 10 months now so...
• I waited till the 5 days were up, while examining the caulking on a daily basis. (my brow developed another furrow)
• No email. Did you know that only 51% of consumers feel they receive good communications from companies they deal with?
• I sent an email to the company and quoted the order reference number. Their automated and immediate reply said I should wait for an email from them letting me know that my order is ready. It was the identical message I received when I placed the order. Did I tell you that only 51% of consumers feel they receive good communications from companies they deal with?
• Within an hour I received another email saying that the caulking was out of stock and they went ahead and canceled that part of my order. (Hmmm...hello, no suggestions for alternatives?) They said they were still making the effort to locate the caulking gun and the torque wrench and had adjusted the order total to reflect the changes. But they had no date yet when I could pick up those items.
• Since it was the caulking I needed most I decided to cancel the other two items. Do I think that company will miss the $100 I was ready to pay? I don't have confidence now that they will notice that I changed my mind. As an aside, did I mention that research shows 87% of consumers say their buying experience actually changed future buying behavior?
• Still trying to avoid MASSIVE company, I visited the website of another very large retailer with a global brand. Could I find the caulking I needed in stock? No, only two of inferior quality and at more expensive prices than the higher quality (phantom) one at the first store. The site did say that the better quality caulking was available for shipping (for an additional fee). Maybe I'm obtuse but that made no sense to me. I moved into irritation and punishing mood at that point.
• Meanwhile, my daily examination of the caulking strip in the shower was becoming even more of a Rain Man obsession and so I had to weigh the odds of waiting a few more weeks or to try and order from MASSIVE company.
• I went with the latter and, naturally, the caulking I wanted was in stock and, naturally, MASSIVE company oh so efficiently informed me I could have what I needed by the next day.
• I ordered - I received - as they committed to me I would.

I tried really hard to do the right thing but in the end I failed. I failed at exercising endless patience for companies that aren't adapting well in this digital age.