Fear Vs Desire

Through experience, we overcome our fears. But how do we get that experience when it's so damn terrifying? 

Simple, You have to want it more than you fear it. 

Fear is that terrible moment of hesitation at the top of a 10’ foot wave when you drag your legs to apply the brakes and pull back. It's the reason why you talk yourself out of approaching the girl at the party who has been smiling at you all afternoon and precisely why you didn’t speak up at the marketing meeting about the great idea you’d hatched when your boss asked for your input; The fear of hitting the reef or drowning, the fear of rejection and the fear your marketing pitch won't be received how you’ve visualized it. 

No one is safe, not me, not you, not even the Dalai Lama can go through life without experiencing fear. By accepting its inevitable presence (and eventually welcoming it), you have taken the first step to overcoming its limitations. It’s only when we dare to be imperfect and fully embrace vulnerability that we allow those magic moments to happen more often.

These days we are brought up wrapped in cotton wool, subconsciously reminded by the media, school teachers, partners and our parents the perils of taking too bigger risks or aiming too high. It's not that they don’t want us to succeed and live full prosperous lives, its just they don’t want to see us get hurt, lose the match or miss out on the promotion. By doing this, they are unfortunately encouraging us to live in that comfortable but habitually risk-free un-adventurous zone. Speaking from personal experience of someone that has moved out of this territory albeit begrudgingly at first. I now enjoy continually challenging myself and have the bigger fear of spending too much time in my comfort zone only to wake up one day and realize that half my life has passed me by and I’m left with nothing but regret. 

Fear is fed with our attention and the more oxygen we give it the bigger and more severe the apparent risks get. Let's go back to the pretty girl at the party, the one smiling at you all afternoon; with each passing smile and complimentary glance, the mission to talk with her becomes a burden wrought with land mines. The cons quickly begin to outweigh the pros with each hesitation. What if she doesn’t think I’m funny? What if I embarrass myself? Am I probably not good enough for her anyway? I don’t need a girl in my life; I’m happy being single. By now the opportunity has probably passed, and it becomes one of those "shoulda, woulda, coulda" moments that we regret. The flip side is, you sense the chemistry after a couple of smiles, fear hits but you are present, you understand butterflies are normal in these exciting situations and walk over confidently and begin with a simple, “hello.” 

That one moment of fear-defiance helped me find the love of my life seven years ago at one of the Goldcoast's finest establishments "Sin City." Being that I lived in Sydney and her in far Northern Qld it is safe to say I would have never seen her again had, I stayed in my comfort zone that night.  

Experience and that constant exposure to any situation, which switches on our instinctive fight or flight mode is the most conclusive path to overcoming fear. Depending on how experienced we are in any given situation will determine whether we fight or flight. Being present and motivated to overcome your fears is a journey that never ends but exposing yourself to the necessary experience’s that relate to the fearful situations will build your expertise, give you confidence and make it clear that a path with no obstacles probably doesn’t lead anywhere. 

Remember, there is no way around fear; you just have to want it more than you fear it. By creating a clear vision, and continually reminding yourself of what success looks like and what it will mean for your life you will create the want and determination necessary to do whatever it takes to succeed.