Fear of Unknown

I sit in the middle of night to pen down my thoughts on something that I believe most of us experience but choose to put it on silent mode for unknown reasons. 

What I am about to share may help you to voice yours and bridge a gap between who you are & who you fear not to be. 

This started when a 19 years old teenage girl stepped into an environment where she found the liberty to choose her friends, subjects she wants to study and career she wants to pursue.

She became independent to express her interests & take charge of her decisions for the time she owned. She started feeling that this is what an adult life means!

What this girl did not know that adulting requires a process to go through, a tough one! Hence, her life took her on a journey which was full of colors & flavors! Though she was behind the steering wheel but it was at a later point when she realized that holding the control is not enough unless you know where you want to go! 

There were quite a few bumps on the path she was following, however, some events had left a deep impact on her life. Today, you will read the first lesson she learned the hard way but it turned into the fear of unknown for her life. 

Lesson #1: Friendships 

One of the traits that she was known for was being a ‘friendly’ person. She was open in extending and accepting friendships from new people very easily. This girl believed that friendships by default equate with transparency, respect & trust. But life had other plans! 

She was working on an academic project with two newly made ‘friends’ who had known each other for a longer time than herself. It involved market survey & related tasks for data gathering. This girl with utmost sincerity made fullest efforts to contribute, with limited financial & administrative resources, as she wanted her team to present the best report. When the other two felt that she may be evaluated better because of her quality of work despite that it was a team project, they started treating her differently. She faced humiliation by them on the roads, she was forced to bear certain costs independently which were to be distributed amongst all the three. They started mocking her in front of other fellow mates about her looks, her inability to match their standard of persona etc. They even cornered & stopped involving her in rest of the project left.

In-short they tried shattering her confidence in every way. The so-called friendship and team bonding was turned into an ugly picture of mistrust & disrespect. 

This girl was in a dilemma of either being who she really was, submissive, respectful & polite, or changing into what the situation demanded, defiant, bold & take ownership. She was highly intimidated & felt clueless of why she was treated in such a way! 

Fast forward, the day arrived when all the teams were scheduled to give presentations. When the turn came for her group, she remained silently seated & did not step up, while rest of the two went ahead. The instructor inquired this girl but she confidently excused saying she was asked to part ways mid-way by the other teammates. Without  adding another word, the instructor immediately called out that this team is disqualified from the project due to absence of teamwork & coordination. Those two members stood blank & fuming, they implored to be allowed to do their part of presentation, but were asked to meet the instructor afterwards. 

Rewinding few scenes, when this girl was being bullied & was told that she is no more included in the project work, she pulled the courage to see the instructor separately & narrate the whole situation. The instructor evaluating the sensitivity of the issue advised the girl to stay calm till the day of presentation. And that’s how the girl & her team were asked to redo the project with short timelines and were also penalized by giving lower scores.

Lesson learned:

• Friendships are a two-way street unlike one-sided love!
• Love may be at first sight, but friendships need undefined time to be developed.
• You may have lots of acquaintances in life but be responsible enough to select 'friends' out of the whole lot! 

Fear of unknown:

Till today this girl has developed the fear of trusting new faces coming in her life. Helpless because of her nature, she is tempted to go forward and extend hand of friendship but there is always a doubt unknown in her heart. This hinders her to neither be open nor limited with people in her social or professional circle. 

What is your advise to her? Is there any way she can overcome this fear of unknown? Or does she need to experience the friendships on trial & error and manage the relations head-on? 

Fellow readers, I am this girl who loves making new connections with people whom I have never met or known before. My nature helps me in breaking the ice of conversation and welcome others in my life. At the same time, this experience which I have shared always haunt me & I keep doubting about my judgement and sometimes end up facing emotional challenges. 

If you found this story relatable in any manner for yourself or anybody you know, please share your comments to help us manage such fear of unknowns!