''FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN''

What makes us fear?

Should we fear to communicate? Why am I afraid to speak on the pnone with another person who lives far away? Where this fear come from? Is it becasue of me? And how I was raised? Probably. I was never given permition to answer on the phone as a small chld, whereas other parents allow that to their children. And later as a married woman, I wasn't '' free '' in speaking on the phone, whenever feel like it. Only on special circumstances, such as birthdays or name days. Or when parents called me or my brother.

Feeling that akward sense of being sensored and not being allowed to speak my mind freely and without being criticized all the time. This might be the reason and I apologize and not calling to people who give me freely their phone number. It's an innate feeling that drives me back and somehow stigmatize me; not to be able to freely communicate by phone with another human being when he/she provides me his/her phone.

With men, my reaction is justified, but with women my reaction is rediculous. So I always left behind. Maybe I am in bonds and haven't realised that till now. Sorry to bother you, with my complexes. I write simply to understand my own behaviour that makes other people think that I reject them. That's why I don't HAVE actual friends. Never did. Whoever dare to call me would have to go from a thorough screening from my parents, before passing me the phone and that's still going on as a wifE.

Have I mentioned that when I type the letter r, OR e, the screen puts on other pages and I have to stop them from appearing out of the blue, as I type the letters! Admin means advinistration and yp.com appeared on the screen saying to make dibs on them. How can I do that when I don't know anything at all? By the way, dibs means in slang, small amount of money and claim of sth, such as a small piece of a cake. I am not allowed to make any of these things. Either earn money, or eat a piece of cake. Well done Eleni/Helen, YOU exposed your core and now all are going to eat you alive! Bad news for you. I am like a seashell, AND whenever a small grain of sand enters inside me I instantly close up so tight and stop doing anything at all. This small grain of sand from the bottom of the sea, will make me as a sea shell cry and make something miraculous at the end; a perl. As you can see or not, IT DOESN'T MATTER, I have come a long way till this moment of time and have realised how easily broken I can become. Just like a sea shell. You can't open it, but you can easily brake it, or crash it under your food.

Unless it stays at the bottom of the sea, as I am. And watch things that going on in the big sea where the net exist and LinkedIn as well. Nothing more, nothing less.

I still haven't figured out what's on earth am I doing here on this life and this living of mine. By the way, I was called by www.healthy-living.gr to inform me of an offer of their about fish oil, in small capsules and aloe veRa in a litre plus one with a soap of theirs with lemon smell that I do like cause it wakes me up. But I can't buy what they offer. Never will. I am dependable from my family. My surroundings cover me, protect me, and feed me. Or else I would have been crashed like a sea shell and run over a long time ago.

No wonder and no question about it. Perls are considered valuable and in the Bible, there is a phrase, saying '' not to put the pearls on the pigs ''. Where pearls are Lord's words and pigs are people who; I realy don't know, or don't want to think what He is reffering to. I have my own oponion which is stopped by the line saying who is judging, will be judged and another saying prostitues are ahead of us, meaning according to translation from ancient Greek that they go to Heaven first; together with tax collectors as the sort man who climed on the fig tree to see Lord and He told him that He would dine with him that evening. So He doesn't judge but He loves us all. Again I am confused and writing as I think and I read on the word presumptuous THAT this means ''bold, impertinent, cheeky, insolent'', and in www.wordreference.com I read the following; To have continued pronuouncing aloud my thoughts... would have been... presumptuous .

It's a new word, I read on the message Ilana sent me this morning and felt redicoulously ignornant and didn't make a comment on that, till I learn the meaning. And so I learnt and realised that I must be presumptuous for a long time now, when I speak my thoughts over and over for a very long time and of course, only my pots and pans could hear me, since I was speaking all alone in my narrow kitchen and now I am doing that in writing DOWN, TYPING ACTUALLY,my OWN thoughts.

Question: Are they my thoughts? How this question emerged? But again from the same source, saying that when you will apear in court, do not plan what you say, cause I will speak through you and tell you what to say!!!

Is my mind's computer so powerful as man made computers? Yes, it is. How powerful? When I pray the beast's image won't be seen clearly and when make the cross on my body, he could not be seen at all! What am I writing right now? Search on your own. Seek the truth. Ask and you will learn. Nock on the door and it will open. Although doors like the empoloyer ones, rarely open nowadays; HAVE FAITH LIKE THE SEAD OF MUSTARD, THE TINIEST OF ALL AND YOU CAN LIFT MOUNTAINS. Is this possible? Yes, if you have faith. A small grain. Not more. And I hear in my mind, the words of a person saying, Help me Lord with me being unfaithful, add me faith.

I think I will end with this phrase; DO NOT ADD FORTUNES AND PROPERTIES AND MONEY AND STOCKS ON THIS EARTH, BUT INSTEAD ADD FAITH IN YOUR HEART. This is written from the most unfaithful person on Earth, me. AND NOW THE SONG, COMES IN MY MIND; '' Cause you've got to have faith''. You, in turn, put the music or search in the net to find lyrics and music, as I am about to do this minute, after I wish you a good summer season to all.

ΠΙΣΤΗ, ΑΓΑΠΗ, ΕΛΠΙΔΑ, were the children; three darling daughters of Sophia's. Who were cooked, baked and grilled for their faith in God, at a very young age and were put on fire in front of their mother, who prayed for her daughters to endure their martyric death and go to Heaven. No wonder that we celebrate the mother and the 3 kids of hers on September 17th each year, in remebrance of their faith made of steel. Or even better, gold. Nothing sticks to that metal. P'esti=FAITH, Ag'api=LOVE, Elp'eda=HOPE. That's why we have a saying in Greece that HOPE DIES LAST. She was the youngest of Sophia's children and she, a three year old infant, jumbed on her own on the fernace of the grill that was prepared for her and became inscense to Lord as she was burned alive.

I know this sounds horrible as I write them right now, BUT it also shows the deep belief that this life is only an illusion of life and there's life after death and as a matter of fact, eternal life. Has anyonte told you that before? Has anyone explained to you that? The three year old, was fearless facing certain death because her mother was Sophia=ΣΟΦΙΑ= Wisdom. Like Sophia's Loren name.

She has raised her own children not to fear of people and authorities, but only their Lord; BUT small children prefer Love to fear.

I've just didn't answer the phone form a lawyer company seeking to find my already three years dead grandpa Christos who died like today. He has debts that his three children have to pay; either utility bills or taxes. So as Charos used to say with the voice of Bratt Pit in a movie, ''You can't escape Death or Taxes!''

Nowadays, Greeks cannot afford to die, cause it's too expensive for them to die. More than 4,000 euros need the relatives to have in order to properly bury them. AND these money go to tax payment and utility bills and what's left, is ment for food to put on the table.

Greek is a word made because of the white hair of the people who have on their head so they were considered old. Hellas is the ancient word the Hel AND las meaning from Helios and las, meainig rock; so Hel-las is the bright rock. It is said as a story that all races on Earth once upon a time, gathered and He gave them a piece of a land; when He finished, He saw Greeks coming from afar. So He informed them that there was no land left for them to give, since they came last. They started to leave when He stopped them saying to them. OK. Stop. I have reserved a place for my old age to reside, but you can have it. So we took Greece and live on this land ever since the mud exists. Does the expression I used when I entered the examintation room for my oral in English, to the English teacher, '' Save the best for last'' derives from that memory, or when He turned water to the finest of wines in the marriage He attended with His mother Mary and this phrase was said and remained till now. ''You saved the best for last?'' I don't know, but what I do know is that nothing comes from nothing.

It all started from something that already existed and then all the rest happen. Sun, moon, day, night, earth, water, fish, birds, grass, trees, man, woman.

I like another expression on the Bible, saying; Thank you Father, for hiding all these from the wise and rich and famous of this world and revealed to the smallest of all, the small children. Have I told you that Greeks are like small children? I still remember the smile on my grandma's face when she was dancing and as she was always wearing her apron around her waist and she had a huge belly and no teath and she smiled at me and all the rest, I saw her in my mind's eye how beautiful she must have been as a child and how happy dancing made her, like that moment in time, full of rinkles on her face but still smiling and correcting her glasses on her face and wiping her sweat, since she had just came from the kitchen where she had fried potato sticks; it was dinner time and that happened in Kinetta were she lived ever since she was retired with my grandpa. I have her name. Eleni. And the phone call was for that house in Kinetta because electricity was not cut and so every two months the bill was printed on my grandpa's name. And children as children even in their 70's let the bills pile up and now lawyers call to collect or to take us to jail or to pick their ear for not having paid the bills already.

I have to be the grown up now and find a well paid job in a five star resort in Cyprus or elsewhere to pay the bills; cause there are also 2000 euros that grandpa owe and became 8,500euros in three years. And my mother's share is almost 3,000 euros to pay. So I have to put on my sleeves and start washing a great deal of dishes in order to pay back in full all of my grandpa's debts.

AND I have to leave my country and home and family alone in order to make that happen. Nock nock on your door. Is anyone listening out there? I need to earn in three months, untill the next wave of COVID-19, send us back home and in a new quarantine, 1000 euros per month and I can wash dishes and pans and pots as I do at home. But firstly, you have to come and stay in those five star resorts and hotels in order the owners to hire personel and have dishes to wash. Otherwise, forget me, think that like my grandpa's three children there are thousand others who need to work so as to be able to stay alive and so as in 2021 to have someone to serve you your meal when you decide to come again in Greece.

So whoever can make 15 days of vacation=14 days in quarantine in a five star resort and one extra day or even more, go ahead and book now. When my late father in law went to the hospital due to stroke and the nurse the first night changed his bed sheets and the next for ten days in a row that stayed there, he told me that he had never stayed in hotel and have vacations and have the luxury of changing his bed sheets. His words made me sad, realising that what people think of their right, he never did that. He always stayed in his home town he loved; a large village and knew everyone by their name and have coffee and ouzo and worked ever since he was a small boy, keeping his father's sheep from being eaten by the wolves and bitten from him if he had slept at night and the wolf had eaten a tender lamp. AND he had told me something I still remember. The wolf eats from the counted ones. Which means that a shephered knows the exact number of sheep he has and knows instantly, since he counts them every day and night if one or more have been lost or died.

And now here goes my question. To publish or not to publish, like Hamlet and me ask over and over the same question. Fortunately, I know that people do not read words. Why should they, especially other people's crazy thoughts, unless they want to know what's on a woman's head; hay, gold or coal? BRAIN MATTER? I really don't know. But I have eaten a lamp's brain cooked in boiled water and it's very tasty and this is what gave to his son Hector as the child was sittin on his lap as a delicacy and told his wife to tell about him if he won't return from the battle with Achilleas. Thus we have the Achillion in Corfu island where there is a picture of the triumph of Achilleas. I LOVE CORFU ISLAND AND R'ENA Vlahopo'ulou the Greek Actress and Eleni the nurse who used to have born on this island. Both beauties. May rest in peace. This Saturday all the souls return where they used to be and people make k'olyva, made from boiled seeds of wheat and if your lost one was young we do not boil them till the seed burst; or we overboild them for the older relatives who have gone. I usually light a candle saying for all the souls to see and among them all my relatives. It takes a gram of good to do good and a ton of bad to do bad. Always choose the easiest and lightes way; the one grammar of good. The soul is satisfied when a stranger eats an only seed from my K'OLYVA; as easy as that. I have to make them now, but no money no honey. What can you do when you don't have euros? You simply feed the poor from what you have. A slice of bread, a fruit, a glass of cold water to a stranger. The soul receives the good you do down here, upstares, instantly.

I have to stop writing and walk a little other wise my leg's veins are going to say things to me. Have faith, love one another, forgive your enemy as He forgave us when manhood put Him on the Cross. Words are easy, actions are hard to do. And on the other hand, no one is talking about these things. Bye.-

P.S. My father has just given me a loaf of bread; I don't know why but he wasn't smiling at me. Maybe he had argued with my mom; or he was hurt or aching from something. But Lord wants from us to give to the other in need with a smile on our face and not otherwise. I remebered Saint FANO'URIOS mother who never gave anything to anyone and his son asked Lord whenever a woman made a cake for his mothr soul's shake to say God blesh the mother of St FANO'URIOS and he would find any person missing or live stock or pets. Or even a good husband or wife for her children. Cause when the saint prayed to Lord for her soul, Angels discovered that she had thrown to a beggar a leaf from an onion and with that leaf her soul could climb to Heaven, but when another soul hold on his mother leaf of onion to come out with her, she kicked the other soul and Lord left her permantly.

Do not overcome the importance of feeding the poor. When other saints slaighed dragons as Saint George or fought with the devil as Saint ANTONIOS, LOVE is the easiest and fastest way to Heaven. You only have to feed the poor. And share a smile; that's is a huge.

Many times we forget that only humans can smile on this planet. This is a unique ability of the human face. And now that all wear masks to protect from covid-19 in close places, when are we going to see a nice smile? Deaf people have ordered 3,000 masks with a square opening where the mouth is so as to read the lips, but said that all should have such a mask so as to read the other people's lips who don't know the sign language using their hands. I don't know the material that it's made of, but trasparent plastic might have been used or something with the ability to see through it. Thus, another point for lipstick manufactuares in order to promote their products. When things or are things going to return as we used to know or things changed so much that nothing's going to stay the same anymore? But the stars or even these might fall like the figs from a fig tree as it is described? We are all in this together and in the darkest of the hours, lighting a candle can make all the difference. My name is HELEN AND IN Greek, ELENI means candle. To all that might read it, may ANGELS PROTECT YOU from harm. :-)

I still remember my grandpa's words saying in his last days, LIES EXIST EVER SINCE MUD EXISTS. Don't hit the messager; I just quote what he told me! Laugh a little; laughter and eating figs do good to your liver. I don't know why, but it does.

Best wishes,

Eleni Maleviti.