Fear of the Telephone: A Millennial Disease?

Every day, we spend hours on our phone: texting on iMessage, chatting on Facebook, searching on Google, commenting on Instagram, watching videos on Snapchat. Yet, when it comes to picking up the phone, it requires a Herculean effort for some people. It is somehow ironic that people despise the mobile phone for the very thing it was originally invented for: to have a verbal conversation.

Recently, a young colleague informed me he was still waiting for a response from an important partner. “Did you call her?” I asked. “No, actually, I hadn’t thought of that yet,” he said to my disbelief. To me, it seemed the most obvious of moves to make at this stage. 

A friend of mine, who works in a Communications Agency (and I add this detail because I always assumed people there were both good at communicating and truly enjoyed speaking to other people), told me a similar story. Their intern did not dare to pick put the phone at the reception. He would sit with shaking hands in front of the ringing telephone. They had to actively encourage him to pick up the phone just to inform clients their partner was not in the office or to offer to leave a message.

I remember having regular discussions with an ex-boyfriend: He never wanted to make calls to book a restaurant reservation, make a doctor’s appointment or get help from a service hotline. He would choose to send a tweet (the “public shaming” method) or an email, waiting several days or longer (sometimes even forever) for a response that you could get within minutes: “Leave it, Sarah, you know I don’t like calling people”.

Are we losing the ability to talk to people verbally as we grow up communicating on WhatsApp and Facebook?

Some people argue the fear of talking on the phone is a millennial issue only. According to this theory, millennials were raised to be efficient in all ways and at all times. Optimisation exhaustion leaves us fatigued. The thought of making an interesting conversation when someone calls us out of the blue seems overwhelming, leading us to avoid an incoming call. A call does not only require our full attention at that very moment, but it is also a very time-consuming activity. Emails and texts, on the other hand, allow us to respond on our time.

Being a millennial myself, I think there is some truth to this argument. Sometimes, I just do not feel like having a long talk but prefer a quick exchange of texts to discuss an issue. It is the easy way out: You take care of a matter without having to deal with the other person’s needs and worries or anything not directly related to the issue. I don’t have to talk about the bad weather or the latest Trump events, how the dog is doing or comment on how stressful a day has been. It’s a quick and efficient way, but definitely not the most human-oriented approach. 

I think the prime reason for the growing fear of the telephone is another one, though: unconscious fear of not knowing what will happen once you hear a ring on the other end of the line. You make yourself more vulnerable; there is a higher risk of saying something wrong as an immediate reaction is required. You must convey and articulate your opinion professionally at that very moment. There is no possibility to hide behind an email or text that you prepared carefully after a lengthy thought process. 

According to a recent survey by BankMyCell, four out of five millennials feel the need to prepare before making a call. 81% describe feeling anxious before a call, having to summon up the courage to make a call in the first place. The survey refers to this demographic as “generation mute” because they grew up in a digital age with alternate primary forms of communication, leading to a decline in voice calls. 

In my opinion, this development can be dangerous as it brings along the risk of not developing important communication skills essential to human interaction. I am afraid people that grew up in front of a screen may increasingly have difficulties to connect with people in person. Connecting with someone over Facebook or Instagram is not the same as creating a real connection by speaking to someone in person. 

Already today, colleagues write me emails or texts rather than walking across the room to speak to me. While waiting before meetings, people look at their phones rather than exchanging the latest news about their work and life. Yet, it is proven that human connection is an innate need essential for our overall wellbeing and health.

What about calling your friend on your way home tonight?