Fear of a Ted Planet

Fear of a Ted Planet, stories of trying to carve out a creative life in the corporate world. Because you can’t get to humbled and honored without first being impudent and shamed.

Let the illumination of the landmines I’ve stepped on light your path.

People say who they are, we choose not to listen.

We all have that friend who says, “Oh I talk too much” or “I just can’t be on time” etc.

But because we are all inherently nice people and we want to make our friends happy and see the best in them, we gloss it over and say, “Oh no, you’re fine, you don’t do that.”

But we aren’t listening, our friends -are- telling us exactly that: they talk too much, are habitually late, they do or don’t do this or that.

This happens in interviews, because of whatever state we are in (“I need this job, I hate my old job, I want change, this new job will make me whole”), we only want to see the best in the new shiny employer whether it be effort justification or idealized aspirations.

Exhibit A

I was interviewing at a creative shop. It looked great—super creative, graffiti on the walls, surfing at lunch, dogs in the office (this is long before dogs roaming offices were a thing), close to home, I wouldn't have to drive the 405—all the things a growing creative boy needs. I meet with the owner and he says, “How do you feel about working for an alcoholic who is a control freak with an ego?” That would stop you in your tracks, right?

But no, I am not listening to him, I’m too busy looking at the free-range dogs and thinking about the wacky creative hijinks and accounts to drive.

“Oh totally cool, I’m so mellow,” I say. (Narrator: Ted is not mellow)

I get the job.

Smash cut to months later, as I’m watching him fling my art director’s laptop across the shop floor like a frisbee (“You design like shit!”), verbally berating me and the team at 2 am on one of our many all-nighters, referring to himself as a design god, making a producer cry. Where was HR? Already fired.

Who is the asshole though? He told me who he was, he said it right there in the interview but my dumb ass didn’t listen, wouldn’t listen, I’m too busy living in ADHD Teddy-land where everything is gonna work out and I’m getting paid to be creative. I had no right to be outraged at his bad behavior because I bought in.

?People say who they are, and we choose not to listen.

Exhibit B

I’m interviewing at a company. The CEO is telling me his fondest joy is having people stay late, work extra hours, and pull all-nighters; how his favorite CD from years before used to stay up all night and it delighted the CEO to no end. “Let’s think of a way to incentivize people to stay in the office all the time!”

Now I’ve done enough late nights to staff a Denny’s for a month, but that is for emergencies only, not a weekly staple.

“Cool, great stuff, me too,” I say. I get the job.

Months later, the CEO animatedly comes up to me and says he has a great idea. “Why don’t you get the creative team a bottle of whiskey, go into the photo studio, shoot photos all night and work on creative? It’ll be GREAT.”

I’m balking because a) no, it will not be great b) people have lives c) I was running a team of mostly young women in their 20s and I’m a middle-aged dude (hello optics) d) legalities and e) booze, all-nighters, and creative is the work equivalent of drunk texting: the intentions are good but the result is an embarrassing mess the next morning.

My objections were not taken well.

Again, he said what he was about and what he wanted from the get-go. It was right there on the metaphorical company doormat; I just stepped over it and walked right in.

Exhibit C

I’m interviewing at a company. The director interviewing me said he was always looking for the best in people. I get the job.

He winds up seeing the best in people and in me. Sometimes it works out.

Listen up. That’s the lesson.

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